19/10/2007

The feeling of anger has subsided. And I’m now feeling very depressed instead.

So depressed that I went around with a heavy heart and a dull ache.

I couldn’t function properly. I went around shopping yesterday, hoping to buy something to help me take my mind off the matter.

And despite flashing my credit cards out and wouldn’t have mind spending loads, I couldn’t find anything! I couldn’t find anything worth to buy, couldn’t find the mood to rummage through piles of clothes, couldn’t bear picking up the shoes to try on, couldn’t bear to do anything!

Saw something that would remind me of what could have taken place in two months time, and now it looks like only a dream that will never materialized.

Yesterday I spend most of the time yelling and shouting my voice out to friends to vent out my anger.

Today… Well, I haven’t figured out what to do yet. Since I’ve walked around yesterday, there’s no plan for tonight yet. I couldn’t figured out what to do to vent out this feeling of mind. My karaoke partner has left the company months ago, and since moving to this place, I barely know anyone here to kacau.

There’s Project Runway showing today at 9:30pm, so that should keep me occupied for an hour. And knowing me, most probably I’ll launch myself into a cleaning frenzy and mop the floor and do my laundry.

I actually tried calling to find out why it happened, but unfortunately, I couldn’t get any firm answers.

And that sucks BIG TIME, because I hate not being able to take action on things that I have no control in. I hate waiting and not being able to do anything.

Next week is PMS week. I think I’m in no condition to be even MORE depressed than the state that I am now. I’ve decided that I’m gonna continue with the medication to help me feel better.

Just to save myself from jumping out the building from the 23rd floor.

CRAP.