31/10/2007

And today marks the end of our three year bond in this place. I couldn’t possibly not write about this significant day…

Three years ago I was feeling suffocated from the repetitive job that I have in a call centre. I was actively seeking a job when I heard about this place. I applied for the job, and having further details and prospect of this place, I persuaded Des to apply as well, knowing very well that if he gets the job and I don’t, I would be crushed.

My worst fear nearly came through. Des got the call for an interview, while I waited and basically gave his a very difficult time for three weeks. My insecurity fall through and I was a wreak for three weeks.

Of course, three weeks later, I got the call. Armed with details of the assessment centre, we went through the interviews and various stages of selection. I still remember how funny I felt when we both were up there spending a night just before the interview the next day. That was my last memory of being a customer in this place.

The interview went well, though I remember how bad my knee shake during the interview. It was fun but stressful. Well, more stressful for me because I knew I had to work harder to earn a spot compared to him. This experience is very personal to me when it turns out, a year later, I would be on the other side of the experience, when I was ropped in to assist in running the assessment.

Think about a week later or so, I don’t remember how many days later, we both got the calls of job offer. I do remember, however, remember the exact location in which we were in. We were in Connaught pasarmalam, sitting at a stall near a bank, having dinner. It was still bright, so it must be six something by then. Des phone rang first. It was his mum. Through his conversation I heard, his mum called to tell him that someone from the company called to inform of job offer. While listening tentatively to his conversation, my phone rang…

Yup, it was them calling me about the job offer! After having all the details down, I casually ask her, “By the way, did you just call another candidate named Desmond to inform him about the job as well?”. She answered yes and I could imagine her surprise when I said, “Hold on, he’s with me right now, you could speak to him”! (By the way, the girl who call us is now my colleague :P).

And so, we made preparation to move up. I told my parents about my decision, and though I knew they didn’t want me to go, I had to. Des was going up and there’s no way I want to be left here. So, does this means I only took this job because Des got it? No, I took this job because I was looking forward to be with him. So, yea, I took this job because of him. And of course, at the back of my head, I knew things would be better at home with me away from it…

And so, we were given the opportunity to undergo training in various department. I remember a colleague of mine, after more than a year later after we first met, mention how she finds it odd that she noticed me and Des on our first day of work, being so close to each other. She told me that at one point of time, when we were sitting around waiting for something, she caught me playing with Des’s hair and wandered why we were so close on our first day or work!

Anyway, along the years I’ve mentioned and shared a few experience of mine, few including my room, the RM38 million ringgit, and most is about my frustration at work. Think I’ve started blogging in Friendsters after half a year working here. And this place has inspired to write my thoughts down, and had given me a place to channel my thoughts down properly. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful of the experience that I had in this place. I agree if you would to say any other company would have such politics and complication. I am fully aware that if not for this place, I would not be the outspoken person that I am today. The opportunities that I had, I could not thank this place enough, and I would not cease to give credit to this place, even after I am long gone from here.

That’s right.

Three years later, I couldn’t believe that I am still writing. Of course, the main inspiration for this place is 512, but I guess it holds a lot of thoughts of me in this place. Match with Julia, it is a perfect combination for me. I never claim to be fantastic writer, nor do I have enough hits for me to have a nuffnang account (pathetic right?), but I found a way for me to keep sane.

Eh, how come I seems to be writing about 512 instead of my three year tribute? Hehehe, sorry, tersasul sikit. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that, I’m a different person after spending three long years here. And its time for me to evaluate whether the change in me is positive or negative, and to evaluate whether I would continue changing to a better or worst person with the influence that this place brings. The Great Big Plan has still yet to be kick start, though the date is drawing near, it gives the excitement and uncertainties that I could hardly contain.

Time will tell…

30/10/2007

A face has been stuck in my mind for the past few days.

I dont know who they reminds me of. I dont know why I am attracted to them. I dont know why I kept thinking about them.

While I was surfing some similar websites that offer the same business as theirs, it suddenly strike me that life IS difficult afterall.

I was half thinking of going back to them to share the experience with Des, and then I found all these similar places as well. I'm confused as I have to remind myself that they are NOT the only ones out there, and possibly, there are others opportunities that offer way better experience.

Knowing me, I tend to stick to what I know, and I rarely venture out to the others.

I dont know whether I should stick to what I know and should just go ahead with them, or perhaps its the feel that I want to meet them again.

Yes, I think that's it.

I miss their company. Which is crazy because I only spend time with them for a few hours and its strictly business.

Gosh, I'm talking as if I'm visiting soon.

Crap.

I'm just talking crap because I'm back to work tomorrow. In less than 6 hours.

Double Crap.

I love Twitter

For those of you who noticed, I used an online application called "Twitter" as a way for me to update my blog regularly.

It works as a sms message, where you're suppose to update/answer a question that the application ask "What are you doing right now?"

Of course, if you've noticed, I didnt really used Twitter as a way to demonstrate the narcissism in me by updating exactly what I'm doing now. Rather, I used it more often than not to update my thoughts in my daily life, and I find it a rather convineant way to log my thoughts down regularly regardless of where I am without the need of an online facility.

I guess I utilized Twitter more towards to "What are you thinking right now?" Its easier to type out my emotions on that particular moment rather than waiting for PC access. Potong steam right? And if you're really that bored, you can click "Follow me" and you'll get instant updates via your phone whenever I send an update to Twitter.

There are, of course, many other similar applications, such as Maxis's Shoutout, but I find Twitter lovelier and of course, malas want to change the application in my template.

Found this piece of article online.

Liked the part where they mentioned "Who really cares?"

Well, in my case, nobody. Cause there's a reason why this blog's links has been kept to the minimum. The whole idea is to let you find me, and not announced my place to everyone else. So that if you dont like it, leave and dont complaint. Otherwise, I would have linked all of you and get a nuffnang account.

Perhaps, if I starts using Twitter as a narcistic tool to tell everyone what exactly I'm doing now, it will be interesting. And I'll flood everyone's Facebook's News feed with my ever-so-often updates.

Hahahah

:-/

Self Absorbed

Self Absorbed

Does things primarily for the benefit of themself, puts their feelings first, can't do anything when they don't feel good, swayed by their emotions, more concerned with themself than others, prefers personal glory over team victories, pleasure seeker, uses their looks to get what they want, gets angry when they don't get what they want, dramatizes their suffering, wealth seeking, superficial, manipulative, narcissistic.

Doesnt everyone?

Those who claim otherwise bores me.

Liar. Naive. Tak pandai jaga sendiri. Tak understand langsung concept tu. Bosannya. Boring le.

Shoo, pergi main jauh-jauh!

:P

29/10/2007

Browsing through some blogs and most were telling stories about their partner and how happy they are.

Hmm, perhaps to lift my mood abit, I should start telling these stories of mine as well?

Been staying home for the two days that I'm back since Chiang Mai. Vegetating in the couch and brainwashing my brain with countless hours of Astro.

Though it is very unlike me, I was slightly looking forward to go back up. ONLY because I've got my own room now. Not that I have anything against my ex-roomie (love you Jen!), but i guess everyone agrees that the current arrangement is far much better than the previous ones. But of course, the fact that I'll be back to work is not something that I look forward to.

Anyway, there's nothing much to report anyway until he jumps back to day shifts. Life sucks up there and I'm not gonna launch into another long rant about that.

And I'm PMS-ing, hence, losing the urge to write. Especially about lovey-dovey stuff.

Just a very quick review on the books that I've read lately.

Simon Cowell is so-so, gives an insight into the entertainment world, but his thoughts about the Pop Idol contestants is a bore since we dont have it here.

Geri Haliwell book is so-so, the most interesting story in the book is the part where she eats out of her rubbish bin, everything else is a a boring flow about her No1# and tours.

I'm mid way through Angelina Jolie and by the tenth page, I'm considering voluntering activities in Africa. Very touching, very real, makes us really grateful and wandering why are we still stuck in our comfort zone and not getting our ass to these wonderful but dangerous places.

I've also started on Michael J Fox's Lucky Man. Very unlike me to start another book while the other is halfway through, but I brought this with me in Chiang Mai and I started reading on the flight back home. And it was good. Very easy to read, flow of story is fantastic, and looking forward to continue reading.

Sometime back, I've also started reading Goldie Hawn, but not very interesting as I stopped halfway and picked up another book instead. Will give it another try once I'm back up and finished with Angelina and Michael.

Would be on the look out for more books soon!

28/10/2007

Wander if I should see the doctor again.

Damn irritating ok. Everytime it is PMS, I feel like bucket filled with water right up to the brim, threatening to spill at any small move. Any small push or even a blow of wind, I'll burst into tears.

Its so obvious to see the mood change. I am in the verge of tears everyday, and I even snapped at my dad during dinner. I'm so so sorry, but then again, he doesnt read this and we're not the type of family that is very close to say this kinda thing anyway. So, I guess I just have to let it pass and hope my mum could talk him out of it.

See, my eyes are tearing again and my nose is pressured.

You might say, "yea lah, blame it on PMS lah. but actually, you're just being difficult".

No lah, the PMS starts on the dot and I blame it all on the medication. During normal times, I'm good at being alone in my place. But during PMS time, I'll burst into tears while in bed and cried myself to sleep. Every night, without fail! For a week exactly!

Damn.

People getting married. Cried.
People's bf proposing. Cried.
Watch tv. Cried.
Watch movie. Cried.
Think about dinner. Cried.
Think about work. Cried.

A sure recipe for tears?

Think about us. Sad face.
Think about 7 yrs. Pain in chest.
Think about promises. Lump in throat.
Think about people getting married. Nose blocked.
Think about stupid people getting married. Nose runny.
Think about people having kids. Eyes watering.
Think about stupid people having kids. Sob.
Think about us. Burst into tears.

!@#$% T.I.U.

Cry lah, cry lah, cry until full lah.

Just leave me alone for this week okay.

Chiang Mai (23-26 Oct 07)

And so, the trip to ChiangMai for 4D3N...


Very early in the morning, Nic came to pick me up and off we go to the LCCT. Unlike my Bangkok trip, the flight was on time and it arrived earlier than expected. ChiangMai was hot, same as Bangkok, slightly less humid.

At the start of the trip, it was clear that it was gonna be a very relaxing trip for the both of us. In fact, it turned into a mini-spa retreat as we went for spa for two days. Though Thai massage was everywhere at minimum cost, we both opted for the high ends ones that cost us an average of RM100 for each hour. Very pricy, in fact, I find it even more expensive compared to KL, but it was good. We went to Imperial Spa, located in the hotel where we stayed in and the Oasis Spa, also around the corner form where we stayed. Spent about a total of 5 hours of spa during our trip, and that left me RM500 poorer.


The above picture pretty much sums it up for Chiang Mai. Shopping in Chiang Mai is, of course, NOTHING compared to Bangkok. It has a lots of cultural stuff, things that we normally see durning a Thai fair in KL. Which left me disappointed of course, but then again, it leaves me the cash to go spa. Otherwise, I think I'll be back totally broke.

I'm beginning to like DIY trips. Booking the flight and accomodations ourselves, and then booking short trips/tours at the hotels. I like the flexibility of the trips and it gives us the decision on places that we WANTED to visit, rather than going to every statues/temples/parks and eating at tourisy restaurant that claim to offer local foods that no locals go to.


Apparently, there were hundreds of Wat (temples) in Chiang Mai alone, and we opted for a half day tour to the biggest and most important temple, Wat Prathat Doi Suthep. It was alright, since we're not a big fan of temples and going to see the most important one is good enough of us. Of course, like any other tours, it includes a visit to a nearby hilltribe village to "experience their lifestyle". It should give you a clear indication on how the visit is when the tour guide says "that the villagers now survives mainly on tourism". Yeap, more and more cultural shopping stuff.


The highlight of our trip is a half day cooking lesson that we sign up. It was just the two of us, and for RM60 per person, we were taught to cook local Thai dishes and to savour our dishes. The class was run by a Thai couple and they were very friendly and accomodating. We were taught to cook stir-fry glass noodle, TomYam soup, springroll and desserts. And it was GREAT! Walau eh, with two huge spoonful of oyster sauce, one huge spoonful of fish sauce, salt, soysauce, ANYTHING will taste good ok! Its an easy step-by-step way of cooking, where the chef will let you do the chopping and frying and cooking and boiling, all on your own! You're supposed to cook your own food and then eat it! My, the last time I cook was during my uni days. Not too bad for a person who last held a wok since 4 years ago! Highly recommended for those of you going to Chiang Mai, MUST sign up for cooking class!

Des was so mad when I told him that I went for the cooking class cause he is the one who loves cooking. Hmm, another trip to Chiang Mai again? Hehehe


Then, we opted for another tourisy thing, which is to join a "khatoke" dinner with traditional cultural dance. Cultural dances, hilltribe dances and a mini-version of our chap fan for dinner. Nothing to shout about, but then again, think you should go for once since its around RM30 per person anyway. One of the dancers is truly very beautiful and that is the highlight of the night for me :)

Shopping in Chiang Mai means practicing my bargaining skills. I admit, my skills werent as good few years ago. And normally, I wouldnt go lower than I should if I REALLY liked the item. Cause i couldnt use the "walk away" technique. Bought a few bags, bangles, food and sourvenirs.

My most prized purchase?

Came from a nearby night market, and it is a sign for the toilet.

Bought it for RM27 (bargained from initial RM35.

Felt that it could go lower, but I really liked this.

Hoping it would last a few homes :)

Cute eh?

26/10/2007

Came back from ChiangMai only to find out that my Cameron trip next day has been cancelled.

I was looking forward to it, and it was one of the reason why I was in a better mood when I left ChiangMai because I knew that I'll be jumping right into another holiday once I'm back in KL.

And now, I'm stuck at home for the next three days. Not that I dont like being at home, but you know the feeling when your holiday is cancelled right at the very last minute?

And of course, I've got plans to pick up some stuff while in Cameron. Unfortunately, that doesnt look like its gonna happen.

And it pissed me off.

The same way the hotel reception screwed up our transport arrangement to the spa.

But that's another story. Will post about ChiangMai soon!

22/10/2007

23rd Oct - 26th Oct - Chiang Mai
27th Oct - 29th Oct - Cameron Highlands

Bye!

19/10/2007

The feeling of anger has subsided. And I’m now feeling very depressed instead.

So depressed that I went around with a heavy heart and a dull ache.

I couldn’t function properly. I went around shopping yesterday, hoping to buy something to help me take my mind off the matter.

And despite flashing my credit cards out and wouldn’t have mind spending loads, I couldn’t find anything! I couldn’t find anything worth to buy, couldn’t find the mood to rummage through piles of clothes, couldn’t bear picking up the shoes to try on, couldn’t bear to do anything!

Saw something that would remind me of what could have taken place in two months time, and now it looks like only a dream that will never materialized.

Yesterday I spend most of the time yelling and shouting my voice out to friends to vent out my anger.

Today… Well, I haven’t figured out what to do yet. Since I’ve walked around yesterday, there’s no plan for tonight yet. I couldn’t figured out what to do to vent out this feeling of mind. My karaoke partner has left the company months ago, and since moving to this place, I barely know anyone here to kacau.

There’s Project Runway showing today at 9:30pm, so that should keep me occupied for an hour. And knowing me, most probably I’ll launch myself into a cleaning frenzy and mop the floor and do my laundry.

I actually tried calling to find out why it happened, but unfortunately, I couldn’t get any firm answers.

And that sucks BIG TIME, because I hate not being able to take action on things that I have no control in. I hate waiting and not being able to do anything.

Next week is PMS week. I think I’m in no condition to be even MORE depressed than the state that I am now. I’ve decided that I’m gonna continue with the medication to help me feel better.

Just to save myself from jumping out the building from the 23rd floor.

CRAP.

Fall Out Boy - Me & You

Lyrics

18/10/2007

This morning, I fell apart.

I no longer like my new place. I went around today with a sad tug in my heart and uncertainties.

At by the end of today, I've grown to hate that place.

Its true what I've said along.

That everything they gave you here, it all come with a long list of limitations and a high price to pay.

The price is too high. The tradeoff is not worth it...

17/10/2007

Today's Itinerary:

7:00pm - Wars of In-Laws (Chinese Drama)
8:00pm - Visit colleague's room
9:00pm - Mukhsin
11:00pm - Shower and read
11:45pm - Charm School

:)

Been wanting to watch Mukhsin, and its showing on TV3 tonight!

For those who has not watch, you MUST! You MUST watch all THREE movies; Sepet, Gubra & Mukhsin. You MUST! :)

16/10/2007

Just a quick update. Been very busy last week due to moving room. New hostel up, got selected to move into a very comfortable studio unit with own bathroom, small kitchen and a small living area.

Was complaining a bit initially (as usual, I'm human mah), but now have decided to shut up and enjoy the room instead.

Tired from the move. Was working throughout Raya, and now looking forward to a week's off next week. Will be off to ChiangMai for 4 days, and Cameron for 3 days.

A bit lonely this week, due to Group A leave, but I'll survive. Now that my room is 100% unpacked, it kinda left me slightly restless. Perhaps, this will be a good time to catch up on my suddenly-grown-brand-new collection of autobiographies.

Oh, by the way, the couch is quite comfortable to watch TV with. Tonight's TV guide:
8:30pm - Hell's Kitchen
9:30pm - Ghost Whisperer
10:30pm - Beauty & the Geek
11:30pm - American Idol 6

Who say there's nothing to watch in our local channels???

As usual again, my mind is now occupied with some useless and unimportant matters. Will try to sort things out and see what happens :)

07/10/2007

Bought back three folders of work thinking I could catch up on it during the weekend.

Now on a hot Sunday afternoon, after doing the bare minimum, I think I have enough. Next week is day shift week and I've to move room as well.

Work can wait till next week. Crawling back to my Astro now. It is more important than the prospect of being fired. Bye!

And then there were five...

I was halfway writing a post story-ing about my past relationships and the people who has made an impact in my life when I suddenly realized,...

I have no right to tell "our" story anymore simply because 1) we do not belong together anymore, 2) we've lost contact and 3) most of them are happily attached.

Though we shared memories together, I have no right to shared them anymore because it is in the past and I (if I'm their partner) would be severely offended if previous exs of my partner decides to write and give detail to their previous relationship to all especially when it was donkey years ago.

It is something good that was way past its due date and should be shelf in Julia instead.

Done.

Over You - Chris Daughtry

04/10/07

As per my previous post, I think its obvious that i'm depressed right now. Yes, there are MANY opportunities right now and many people would kill to be in my position.

Think positive, think positive.

Apparently what they say is true...

That I'm just being in the right place at the wrong time...

THE TIMING IS ALL WRONG!!!

Just need to vent out. I'm onlining using my phone again. Dont really care the bills right now.

In fact, I dont really care about anything right now.

Especially you.

Door open?

You know the saying about ”one door close, and many others will open”?

How would you feel if for each door opened, it only came disguise as a trap for you to get further into the maze and making it difficult to come back out?

That’s exactly how I feel right now…

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I knew earlier on that my “good news” came disguise as a road to a dead end. Yes, it came as a recognition to my work, but it also turns out to be even more difficult for me to seek other opportunities. There’s an opening for a higher position, but I couldn’t possibly apply for another promotion right after being promoted right? I would love to say “If only I weren’t promoted, I’ll apply for this!” but I couldn’t because I’m already rewarded.

You might say “A bird in hand is better than two in tree”. I guess to some extend its right. But if you keep walking around tree after tree and seeing more and more birds, anyone would be tempted right? Especially when you see others getting more birds as well.

Lesson in life: Keep the bird in a cage and chase for more.

And NEVER opt for the first reward in a bidding game in Survivor. That’s another story, but I just feel like putting it up here.

So, anyway, an “opportunity” showed up at my door today. And the one behind me bang shut, no turning back. Its like walking through a corridor of rooms. Walking through a dormitory, with door after door being opened. Though there are many open doors, each door lead to a room. I now have the choice to choose which door I want to take. Each room is decorated differently, and I just have to choose which door I want to take that leads me to a room. To make this even better, I can walk into each of the rooms to see and look at the decoration before deciding.

Better still, they even say, all the rooms are yours to choose. If you chose a room and after a while, you feel like a chance, you can ALWAYS move into ANOTHER room.

The catch? Well, though each room is beautifully decorated, it is still the SAME room. Get it? Not only it is the same room, it is ONLY a room. And each room is a dead end. Its like choosing which dead end that I want to go.

That’s it.

I’m now right in front of many open doors, but it ALL lead to a dead end. Its just a matter of choosing which dead end I want to go/experience.

What’s the point of changing rooms when it is the SAME DAMN ROOM!?! You’re still stuck in the same floor, same corridor! Yes, of course at the beginning the new rooms would feel very exciting, but if you strip away the deco and fittings, its still the same sized room.

Better still, they claimed that you can move up and get better things. Hence, once in a while, they move you up a few floors, almost as it the higher you stay, the more prestige it become. But then again, you’re still in the same building, moving up floors just to be shown ANOTHER corridor of opened doors leading to the SAME DAMN ROOMS!

What kind of opportunity is this?

I just need to keep thinking positive and remembering that there are many other people dying to move into my room right now... LITERALLY!!