Lost and Found

23rd December 2008 started off horribly...

I woke up at noon today, and laze around in bed. I lie in my bed thinking about many things while absentmindedly playing with my ring.

Somehow of rather, it got stuck in my middle finger and after numerous tries, I got up and went to the bathroom to get it out with some soap.

And then, I went BACK to bed and laze around around, STILL playing with my ring. Suprise, suprise, it got stuck again.

I sighed and got up again. The ring came off with the soap and I was washing the soap away from the ring, and the next thing I knew...

IT VANISHED!!!

No OOOPPS, no tingling of sound, no losing grip of the ring. It just DISAPPEARED!

I was too stunned to feel anything, and in daze I drop to my knees and unscrew the cup-like thing underneath the sink. I took it out, saw the brown sludge (thank god there's no smell!) but no ring.

I calmly screwed back the cup and got out of the room. Went downstairs and asked my dad, "If I drop my ring at the bathroom and its no longer at the sink, it should be behind the house right?" So we went out the house and looked at the drain.

No ring.

I took a deep breath and said, its okay.

Went back to my room, sms Des and he called soon after. The moment I answered the phone, I started bawling my eyes out.

Throughout the day, I was on the brink of tears. Though I was totally calm whenever I NOT think about it, the moment I remembered and the word "ring" is dicussed, I see myself holding back sobs. I was practically sobbing through my lunch in front of the TV.

We're having a Xmas party in the evening and a whole lot of relatives has been invited. To cut a long story short, a relative arrived early and help looked for the ring.

Obviously, the ring has since been found (thank god!) but the sobs has yet to fully subsided.

Needless to say, I was very glad for the ring to be found yet very puzzled at why I feel such emotions.

When my dad found out that it was just a normal ring and not an engagement ring that my mum has told him (I still have no idea why she said so), naturally it breaks me down to sobs again. I'm not sure why, but I think its the very fact that it is NOT an engagement ring that saddens me the most. Not only I do not have an engagement ring, I've lost the ONLY ring that I have.

Well, not the only ONLY ring, but rather, the only ONE ring that I have out of the relationship right now. Okay, there were a few more previously, but that's another story. I loved this ring more than the others because this one looks better than the plain old silver ones that faded with time. For those of you who've seen it, its a chunky stainless steel ring. Yes, the same material that is used to make poster stand and many more other things.

Though the fact that it may be only steel, I've never once bothered by the fact that its not made of precious materials. If it has mattered, things would have been different.

This ring is special. It is a set. His looks exactly the same. And it is chunky enough for his finger. Do you know, that my ring (despite its chunky design) fits perfectly into his ring? Meaning mine is small enough to fit into the diameter of HIS ring. And the best part is that it WASNT even the ORIGINAL SET that we first got! The first similar set we got fell apart, both mine and his ring fell apart, so we have to exchanged for a different set.

The point is, there is no secret that I wanted to be married. Though I will not divulge what our plans are (yes we do have plans), the ring marks the promise that we've given to each other so far. He has lost his ring a long time before and we've since purchased a few more sets, but this one is different.

Yes, we could always have bought another one, but at that particular time, I feel absolutely lost. Losing the ring, makes me feel not only am I not married, I am losing the one thing that I have at being PROMISED of getting married.

Sorry, I'm not the type who ask for expensive ring, nor we could afford one. But I believe he loves me no less than your partner who loves you just the same.

But then again, you may say I'm stupid cause I only refer a ring as a promise of marriage and not the relationship itself. Well, its a representation and you can think what you want (cause you dont know the story and its complicated and blah blah blah...)

Anyway, I've got my ring back. But my emotions are still unstable. And I believe it will continue to remain so until next year.

Because the thought of not having my ring back again, opens up a whole lot of bottled up emotions.