I have been bitching a lot lately…
I used to hate fakes and I used to not able to understand how people can be fake. I used to not been able to dislike a person but can look into their eyes and smile the sweetest smile. I do not understand how I could pretend that I like someone even though I hate that person to the core.
I had my first exposure to people faking each other out in my first job. Its like a learning curve. In my third job, I was given the opportunity to learn how to be a fake. The first year was difficult as I constantly struggle with what is right and wrong. I was confused at times when I didn’t know how to behave anymore.
2nd year into my current job, I begin to understand. I can bitch about certain someones behind their back and once they show up, had the sweetest smile in my face while attempting to start a very friendly conversation.
Even I surprise myself sometimes. Back then, if a person wronged me, it would affect me emotionally. But now, I remember every single detail and I story-ed it back to my friends. At the same time, maintaining a civil relationship with that person in particular.
I am aware of what I have become. And so, I tried to avoid these people who irritate me. By avoiding them, I minimise the chance for me to bitch about them. But sometimes, the kay-poh side got the better of me and I will find chance to be near to them so that I could dig some interesting gossip to spread around.
I forgive, but I don’t forget.
And to defend myself, I only bitch about certain people who wronged me before. The rest, I just shut-up and listen.
I hope I won’t turn out to be like her. Yikes! And as a first step towards healing and changing, I here forgive and apologize to the people I bitch about before. I am sorry…
I used to hate fakes and I used to not able to understand how people can be fake. I used to not been able to dislike a person but can look into their eyes and smile the sweetest smile. I do not understand how I could pretend that I like someone even though I hate that person to the core.
I had my first exposure to people faking each other out in my first job. Its like a learning curve. In my third job, I was given the opportunity to learn how to be a fake. The first year was difficult as I constantly struggle with what is right and wrong. I was confused at times when I didn’t know how to behave anymore.
2nd year into my current job, I begin to understand. I can bitch about certain someones behind their back and once they show up, had the sweetest smile in my face while attempting to start a very friendly conversation.
Even I surprise myself sometimes. Back then, if a person wronged me, it would affect me emotionally. But now, I remember every single detail and I story-ed it back to my friends. At the same time, maintaining a civil relationship with that person in particular.
I am aware of what I have become. And so, I tried to avoid these people who irritate me. By avoiding them, I minimise the chance for me to bitch about them. But sometimes, the kay-poh side got the better of me and I will find chance to be near to them so that I could dig some interesting gossip to spread around.
I forgive, but I don’t forget.
And to defend myself, I only bitch about certain people who wronged me before. The rest, I just shut-up and listen.
I hope I won’t turn out to be like her. Yikes! And as a first step towards healing and changing, I here forgive and apologize to the people I bitch about before. I am sorry…
But if you repeat what you did to me again, I will make sure the others know about it…
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