The day that I blame it all on.
The day when I lie down alone on my bed, wandering what went wrong, I thought of that day.
The day when I cried myself to sleep on cold nights, wandering what happened, I thought of that day.
The day when I felt empty and lonely despite being surrounded by people, wandering what is it that I longed for, I thought of that day.
The day when I longed to be doing what others are doing, wandering when it’s my turn, I thought of that day.
The day when I feel my lowest, wandering if things could be different, I thought of that day.
Then I remembered everything else that happened after that day.
And I am ashamed of myself for feeling this way.
I seem to have a lot of anger inside me. The frustration on the way things are going, the resentment on why things are not happening, the despair on not knowing and the misery on what had happened.
And sometimes, the build up of all these feelings just blow up whenever the bottle is full and a button is pushed.
Of course, on days like these, everything else seems irrelevant.
But when I lie down and listen to a steady soft beat as I slowly fall asleep, I knew nothing was wrong.
The day when my tears were dried with kisses and soft soothing words calmed me, I knew nothing was wrong.
The day when I walked around amidst huge crowd of people and guided by a firm grip by the hand, I knew nothing was wrong.
The day when we sat down and talked about our future after a good meal, I knew nothing was wrong.
The day when I buried my face in a warm familiar hug, I knew nothing was wrong.
Despite driving myself crazy and letting anger take over me, I remind myself of them.
He, who visits his parents separately because they are divorced,
She, who is left alone because he is thousands of miles away,
He, who could not hug her because he could not move,
And she, who is now lifeless, and may she rest in peace.
Though at times when I feel most vunerable, I hope that my anger would help me survive and overcome any obstacles that may come in my way.
1 comment:
Hello!
I am contacting you because I am working with the authors of a book about blogs, and I'd like to request permission to use a photograph of yours in this book. Please contact me at hannah@wefeelfine.org, and I'd be happy to give you more information about the project. Please paste a link to your blog in the subject field. Your assistance is greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Hannah
hannah@wefeelfine.org
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