31/10/06

"...You can call but dunwan to call... I wanna call but cant...sigh..."

The irony of life right?

29/10/06

I need to type this out to get it out of my system so that I could continue working.

Stonehead just walked pass by and gave a comment about something. That comment alone gave me a heart attack and I am still feeling the slightly pening-y and weak.

My heart is beating, my head is aching, my hands are shaking and its only 11am. The power he has over me.

On another note, I’ve managed to talk some sense into my friend for the time being. I hope you’ll be able to hold on for as long as you could before another emotion burst again.

When talking to you, you made me remember something. Something that I’ve always wanted to read. Something that I’d wander if it still exist. Something I wish to have. Something long long time ago. A black journal. Will I ever have a chance to read it?

There, I’ve said it all. Back to work!

Terrible week.

I had a week off during the festive season. It was an eventful week indeed.

1) Holiday with family - My family came up to stay at one of the resorts along the hill. Was looking forward to spending time with them. But, the Housekeeping ppl decided to be funny and put a sweet on each of the pillow. So, my bed was infested with ants and creepy crawlies no thanks to the "added touch". So much for good night rest.

2) No Internet - Streamyx also decides to go on a holiday during the festive season. So, despite my effort to bring back work, I couldnt do any. Thanks so much.

3) Friendship crisis - To cut a long story short, it was very exhausting to be involved in other people's problem.

4) A friend's father passed away - Enough said.

5) Ops! Sikap - This year, I made it to the Ops! Sikap statistics for unreported accident. It was raining, it happened on a slope, and the lights were green. Its a classic case of braking unnecessary and causing others behind to bang into each other (i'm one of those behind lor). The kereta kemek a bit, but my ten toes still intact

6) Pure stupidity - In the case of pure stupidity, after getting the car fix, I gostan right into another car's bumper while I was driving OUT of the mechanic's shop. Thus, adding brand new scratches to the car and also confirming the fact that women generally are lousy drivers.

But then again, this was my first time langgar-ing into another car after what, seven years of driving?? Then perhaps I was still in shock from the accident that makes me forget to check the car's alignment while reversing. Yea yea, excuses eh?

And all this while, I was broke, cashless and still had a long list of groceries to buy.

But two good things happened though. One, I managed to spend time talking to my mum and catching up with her. And the highlight of the week is of course going out with Nic to shop, watch movie and catch up. The movie, The Prestige was really really good, and I really enjoyed shopping and talking to her. Really helped me take my mind off things. She is one heck of a lucky girl (you know what I am talking about! haha) and we should start planning for our next trip. Hehe

Tomorrow I need to collect my report from the doctor. At the rate of things are going, I am preparing myself for the worst. This is not one of the best weeks.

Holiday definately not enough.

25 cents

Memperkenalkan aku punya “Dua puluh lima sen”…



Remember the advertisement on TV many years ago about a drunk driver hitting a young boy in a residential area?

Dead boy’s mum :*rushes to his side* KEVIN, KEVIN AH, KEEVIN..!!!
Nurse : Boy boy, can you hear me boy…???
Drunk Driver : *sob* *sob*

All good things must come to an end...

Its a good day. Been looking forward to today's dinner as a bunch of my college friends get together. Its been years since I've seen some of them.

Good to catch up and reminds me of how I miss their company :) Must meet up again okay???


This is a view of a fun fair I went a few days ago.

Its been years since I went to one.

And this is the first time since I won anything!

Usually, I don't play at any of the game booths. And I still don't, because I usually suck at the games and don't really win anything except to walk away and look longingly at those toys.

But this time, I walk away with not one, but TWO toys!! Hahaha, okay, so its not the huge ones, but at least I didnt walk away empty handed! Hehe, yeap, as I am as easily provoked, I am also very easy to please.

Its been a great week this week, a fantastic day today and tomorrow will be a relaxing birthday celebration for my cousin.

But all good things must come to an end right? And next week will be a bad one...

11/10/2006

I am very easily provoked.

The more you put force on me, the more I will rebel.

Especially if you are the kind of people who wants the “power” and go around being an asshole, I will be very easily angered.

And to think he actually told me about earning respect, support boss, learning curve…

KEPALA HOTAK YOU!

In fact, a couple of times I told him off by saying, “I should have recorded everthing you told me and replayed it back to you for you to listen instead!”

Talk about eating your own words…

10/10/2006

I’ve been busy.
And it’s a good thing cause it’s been a while since I am busy.

I like organizing and arranging events. The logistics and the urgency of things keep my mind busy although it mentally tires me. It is easy to see the satisfaction when a prog/event runs smoothly.

But when it was made complicated not due to factors, but by one person, it gets irritating. There is absolutely NO pleasing him. AT ALL. The fact that he changes his mind CONSTANTLY is not the problem. It is when he blames you for the change, THAT is a problem.

I’d like to think that he is purposely out there to make our life miserable, and it is his personal agenda to see us fail. His happiness is measured on our miserable-ness.

And I have to take it as a challenge to make it work.

And that is very tiring indeed.

On another note, there’s this nagging feeling that’s been with me for the past few days. Something or perhaps, many things are wrong, but somehow, I don’t know what it is or how to correct it.

Something just snapped weeks ago. There is so much anger inside me. Yet I have no means to get rid of it. I felt different somehow. Example, out of the sudden I can talk to an audience without fidgeting and rehearsing what I was about to say.
Perhaps it’s the fact that I was busy with the rest of the things happening that I don’t have time to be scared. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve taken so much bullshit from him that nothing else seems difficult anymore. Or it is the nearing of 2 yrs of working here and only one more year to go.

Things that happen past weeks? The big slap, the luncheons-that-nobody-really-wants-to-attend, the presentation, the trainings, the foreign trainers, the kosong-s, the patch, the trip and the candles.

And then, this morning already two things happened, the accidental findings on an unlikely alliance and the scandalous email that causes uproar in the hierarchy.

Yeap. I am definitely learning.

I had another dream...

This time around, I was in a kitchen...

Kitchen

To dream of a kitchen, denotes you will be forced to meet emergencies which will depress your spirits.

And in the kitchen, I was the person who cleans and wash...

Washer Woman
For a woman to dream that she is a washer woman, denotes that she will throw decorum aside in her persistent effort to hold the illegal favor of men.

And I was at the sink cleaning...

Cleaning
Dreaming that you are cleaning, implies that you are removing some negativity in your life and overcoming major obstacles. You are moving ahead toward a new stage in your life.

And I was cleaning the dishes...

Cleaning an object
Dreaming that you are cleaning an object, represents an aspect of yourself that is not working or functioning as well as it should.

Then I got bored. And I decided to kiss instead...

Kiss
Dreaming of a kiss indicates love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment.

I was kissing this one guy...

Kissing a person the opposite sex
If the dream ends just about you are about to kiss someone indicates that you are unsure of how he or she really feels about you. You are looking for some sort of relationship with this person but you are not sure about how to go about achieving it.

But I don't remember who he is...

Kissing a stranger
If you are kissed by a stranger, then your dream is one of self-discovery. You need to get more acquainted with some aspect of yourself.

Then I suddenly thought of him...

Infidelity

To dream of infidelity (either by you or someone else), forewarns of your actions with the opposite sex or you will suffer dire consequences. You are harboring guilt over past relationships.

I stopped short. And I realized that the room has a lot of windows...

Window

To see windows in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight.

I looked out and saw the clear bright sky...

Looking out a window

To dream that you are looking out the window, signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness, and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life.

And then I woke up.

So much of intepretation of dreams eh? This is the first time I had this dream, not the recurring ones. Not the dinasours. One-off dreams usually don't bothers me as much. But its just that sometimes its so vivid that I am often left confused.

I am a true believer that all our dreams is our subconcious mind and in its twisted ways, it all means something...