A glass of Kahlua?

"I’ve forgotten how much I enjoyed a glass of Kahlua...”

Few years ago, way back in Uni, when I fresh into my new semester in another place. New place, new weather, new found freedom, new friends, new everything. Culture shock? Right on the dot.

And I reached for the one thing that is all too familiar. Ironically, he is the one who introduced me to it.

Years before Uni, I drank myself drunk for the first time and ended up vomiting all over myself in his best friend’s house. Not a pretty sight, I tell you. And since then, whenever I visited the best friend’s house, the joke is to “roll up the carpet cause she’s here!”

As humiliating as it is, I swear to myself since that I will get myself that drunk ever again (of course, an easy way to ensure that is to make sure he is never to be far away from me for a long time, but that’s another story).

And so, I flew to my Uni armed with recipies of my favourite mixes.

Its so easy and affordable. JD was cheap, I had my partime job and Coke were on promotion every other week.

First it was the small bottles, then I upgraded into medium ones because it was kinda tiring to go back and forth to the shops regularly. Soon, my room was nicely decorated with empty bottles along the window. A very nice deco, I remember thinking. Bear in mind, I hardly ever go out to party that time. I miss his very much. I’ve forgotten how to go out and meet friends. But then again, those of you who know me, its not like I went out a lot before that anyway.

So, I was kinda happy doing my own thing and having a drink during late night studies with my cheap radiator on to combat the winter. It wasn’t exactly your normal “a cuppa hot milk” right before sleep. The only time when I enjoyed milk would be with Kahlua. During that time, I’ve probably had more milk that I ever had during my Uni days. Obviously, it wasn’t for the kalsium factor. And it doesn’t help either with the fact that Coke was practically on “sale” every week, the perfect mix item.

As mentioned before, I’m pretty much very loyal when it comes to branding. The type of drinks I had varied between a few types only, probably because I’m not too adventurous and I know what I like.

Very soon, I find myself fixing a drink more often than I would like to. I’ll have one when I’m back from Uni. I’ll have one during dinner. I’ll another one while watching tv. And I’ll have a few more later in the night.

And then, one night I had too many a drink. Its stupid, now that I think of it. There was no one around (I had a housemate) and I was just enjoying my drinks as usual while onlining (studying? You’ve got to be kidding me). One drink after another, I find myself pouring lesser of the mix and more of the good stuff. I knew I had too much, but it seems such a waste to pour it away. Hey, hard earned money ok? (Yea yea, I was also pretty much living off my parents that time too, but I still had a partime job).

And so, back to that night, I soon find myself lying down on my mattress breathing in and out slowly. Why? Because I had too much a drink and was on a verge to throw up. Obviously, the last thing I want to do is to throw up in the apartment. And so, I fell asleep, remembering that the last thoughts I had was something about asking God to “please just help me to keep this down, I don’t wanna throw up…”.

I woke up next morning to my alarm at 10am, for my first class at 11am. When I woke up, I felt the room spinning. I didn’t have a headache, nor did I feel the urge to vomit anymore. I just feel really pening-y and that’s the first time I truly understand what it felt like when they says “that the room is spinning”. I tried to stand up and could barely made it out of my room before I collapse on the floor again, trying to keep still. “Dumb, I got drunk while on my own...”. Ten minutes later, the room is still spinning, and I decided to skip class for the day.

Late afternoon, I felt much better. And that is when Des told me JD’s hangover is like that. No headache, but a horrible spin.

And that is when I swear that I’ll never drink again when he is not around. First, its because I don’t trust myself drinking WITHOUT him watching my back, and second, I didn’t trust myself just DRINKING (alone) without him watching my back.

I’ve never thought of myself as an alcoholic. In fact, I hardly went clubbing, and would very much preferred to get together in a friend’s place over bbq and drinks. And I had made myself promised not to get myself drunk while on my OWN anymore.

Many years fast forward, I find myself looking through a selection of alchohol on my trip back from Chiang Mai. My eyes rested on a large bottle of Kahlua, and messed up from work and family, I picked up the bottle.

Now, in my cold room with the heater on with a glass of Kahlua on the rocks, the settings are all too familiar.

My eyes settled on the bottle of Kahlua that is now three quarter empty…