Happiness = Fear(?)

And so...

A few days ago, we drove down to Tesco to destress and a dose of retail theraphy. While we were making our way down hill, he commented on an article suggesting various ways to detress while up hill. Examples given were activities like watching the sunset, going about the rides, walking around to enjoy the cool air. But we both agree, that the best way to destress, is to get AWAY from the source of the stress. Don't you agree?

Anyway, the point is, we went to this large hypermarket, and went about our ways through the alleys and throwing absolutely unnessary stuffs into the trolley. And when that's done, we gather up the purchases and headed to the loo before getting to the car.

A bit of information overload, but while I was waiting for him and jaga-ing thr stuff, I looked at the throngs of people getting about their business and paying for their puchases, when suddenly a thought came into my mind.

"Now, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy this if I've chosen the other option".

To say that I was surprised and taken aback by my own thoughts seems impossible. But that thought made me remember (at that moment of time), the calmness and happiness that I have felt right at that moment. I am able to bask and enjoy what life has bring me on that day. How a simple shopping trip has made it all better.

But right after that moment, a sense of fear overcome me. A sudden rush of dread and fright on how all these can change at a blink of an eye. Instead of that moment of happiness that I wanted to remember, I keep remembering the panic reaction that I so want to forget. The fear that all could change in a second, and how I could wake up the next day losing everything.

look what surrounds you now
more than you ever dreamed
have you forgotten just how hard it used to be
so whats it going to take for you to realize
it all could go away in one blink of an eye
it happens all the time

Its true isnt it. We, or at least I dwell so much into that small minute bad part of our lives that we constantly forget the best part about it. How it all go vanishing in a second and our worst case scenario is really understated.

I fear.

I fear for the worst.

In fact, I constantly fear for the worst so much so I want things to happen faster so that by the time it comes, I would have experienced it all. All the good things in life before it lashes back all to me in all its fury.

The worst has yet to come.

And I live day to day, waking up, thanking God for yesterday as it did not happen, and praying to him that it will not happen today.

Everyday I go to sleep, breathing a sigh of relief. And everyday I wake up, wandering it is today.

I live my life in fear. Do you?