Spent the whole day watching tv and recuperating from a day-long shopping yesterday. And also to take my mind off on my credit card bills.
And to imagine i just cleared it in Dec, dumping a good 5k into it to zerorise it and now its back up to 2k already! Damn AirAsia!
Its been good. Got a few things up in my mind. Cant help but to think perhaps only when i'm back in kl do I have the time and peace to think about all these things.
And yesterday, I got a suprising news from a very distant cousin who got married just days ago! And what suprised me even more is my reaction to it. I was very happy for him, and at the same time, I didnt get depressed after I hear the news! Which is a change really, considering the fact that I usually get very worked up everytime I hear people getting married.
There were some issues that I managed to talk it out with my mum yesterday. And I guess it was good as it made me feel a lot better. And I guess thinking back, to be thankful and be grateful for what I have brings me back to reality.
Oh well, I dont know how long this feeling will last. I cant seemed to tell the difference between being grateful/thankful and being in denial. I get very confused over this fact many times. On days that I'm thankful for things helps me looked on the brighter sides of depressing days. But sometimes when I'm down again, I realized that it was there all along and while I am okay living and thinking positively about it, I'm back to feeling sad.
That is why I'm trying to figure out what is the difference between these two things? I dont like living in denial, and sometimes, I'd rather feel the pain than to push it away. And I know I do that, I push the negative things away. But pushing the negative things away is just gonna make it bounce back harder you know?
Like a pendulum, I mentioned earlier. I just swirl back and forth over things.
I know I sound very depressed, but I'm not. I guess I just have time to say these things out when I'm away from the hill.
And perhaps will have more time to think about these things with the mobility of a laptop???
Hehehe...
1 comment:
Wow just read your blog out of the blue while looking for a joke for a sermon on thankfulness. If I may say, thankfulness seems to have an element of faith. I mean if your going have a thankful attitude all the time. I suppose it means being thankful for negative things too(I guess that might imply you accept negative things as a chance for growth). I suppose we could choose to be thankful about some pretty awesome things and ignore the negative.
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