Frankly speaking, just like my life, I am actually thinking of where my blog is heading. Do I want to make it “interesting” by putting up pictures after pictures and documenting what I do/see/feel/hear/eat? What was the reason I put this blog up anyway? What is the purpose of writing an online blog if I want to be choosy with my readers (if there were any!)
As my blog was intently named “Life after 512”, this is suppose to be a channel for me to document my life and thoughts after that faithful day. Indeed, it was a life-changing experience for me and since that day, everything about me is directly (if not, somewhat) affected by what took placed. My stand in life, my belief, my atitude is all reflective of that incident.
And since I wasn’t a fan of diary-writing, I find online blogging somewhat refreshing. By letting the doors open to everyone, it gives measense of satisfaction, almost as if I am wrtting a book myself. I wanted to document all these things but yet, without the possibility of readers, I found no satisfaction in writing alone asI feel the words are not sufficient to reflect what I myself have felt. Many a times when I was writing my dairy, I felt as if my hands are not fast enough for my thoughts, and I end up dissappointed as what I wrote is not good enough.
However, I felt different when I am writing away online. Yes, I now can be selective in what I write in order to project something else. I can now show a different side of the story (something that I feel is always good). Perhaps, if I had started this anonymously, I would be able to tell even more of the story. But because I knew there were people whom I had known personally have access to this, it makes me somewhat apprehensive cause I am not sure if they would have understand.
But then again, it all goes back to what my initial intention is about this blog. It wasn’t about telling everyone about what had happened, rather I want to use this as a channel for me to remind myself how deeply it has affected me and how I am forever changed with it. I will continue to use this to detail all my thoughts about my life. Although uninteresting, you don’t have to read this right?
So, no, I may not reveal the truth here for now, but perhaps one day I will. When I am finally ready to face it and to not hide from it, it will be the day that I probably would stop writing about it. Every now and then, I would be overwhelmed by emotions and that is probably when you will see snipets of what happen or incidents leading to it. Everynow and then, I would not be able to control myself and I found myself holding back long forgotten tears that have yet to be properly acknowledged. Part of me is still longing for what could have been.
Its been more than four years now, and I feel that I am a better (not bitter!) person now. Although I am sorry for what had happen, and although I am entertaining thoughts about what could have been, I think I would have walked down the same road that I have chosen IF I am given a chance to relive the choice again. And a few days ago, I told a couple of my friends about the incident. And guess what, in exchange, I found out something else about them.
Life is a vicious cycle eh? And look, life is not so bad afterall!
As my blog was intently named “Life after 512”, this is suppose to be a channel for me to document my life and thoughts after that faithful day. Indeed, it was a life-changing experience for me and since that day, everything about me is directly (if not, somewhat) affected by what took placed. My stand in life, my belief, my atitude is all reflective of that incident.
And since I wasn’t a fan of diary-writing, I find online blogging somewhat refreshing. By letting the doors open to everyone, it gives measense of satisfaction, almost as if I am wrtting a book myself. I wanted to document all these things but yet, without the possibility of readers, I found no satisfaction in writing alone asI feel the words are not sufficient to reflect what I myself have felt. Many a times when I was writing my dairy, I felt as if my hands are not fast enough for my thoughts, and I end up dissappointed as what I wrote is not good enough.
However, I felt different when I am writing away online. Yes, I now can be selective in what I write in order to project something else. I can now show a different side of the story (something that I feel is always good). Perhaps, if I had started this anonymously, I would be able to tell even more of the story. But because I knew there were people whom I had known personally have access to this, it makes me somewhat apprehensive cause I am not sure if they would have understand.
But then again, it all goes back to what my initial intention is about this blog. It wasn’t about telling everyone about what had happened, rather I want to use this as a channel for me to remind myself how deeply it has affected me and how I am forever changed with it. I will continue to use this to detail all my thoughts about my life. Although uninteresting, you don’t have to read this right?
So, no, I may not reveal the truth here for now, but perhaps one day I will. When I am finally ready to face it and to not hide from it, it will be the day that I probably would stop writing about it. Every now and then, I would be overwhelmed by emotions and that is probably when you will see snipets of what happen or incidents leading to it. Everynow and then, I would not be able to control myself and I found myself holding back long forgotten tears that have yet to be properly acknowledged. Part of me is still longing for what could have been.
Its been more than four years now, and I feel that I am a better (not bitter!) person now. Although I am sorry for what had happen, and although I am entertaining thoughts about what could have been, I think I would have walked down the same road that I have chosen IF I am given a chance to relive the choice again. And a few days ago, I told a couple of my friends about the incident. And guess what, in exchange, I found out something else about them.
Life is a vicious cycle eh? And look, life is not so bad afterall!
No comments:
Post a Comment