I.Am.Scared.

I have been wanting to write out my thoughts for weeks. But I have been putting it off as I couldnt decide whether to post it up 512 or here. After contemplating, I've finally decided to put it up here. Its too many words of my thoughts...

To begin my train of thought, I'll start by storying how is married life. Honestly, it didnt really shrink in until much later. This was supposed to be part of our honeymoon, but boy, it sure didnt feel like one when you have to worry about money draining out and unemployment! When we first came, I didnt have the excitement of exploring the town nor did I look forward to visiting all the tourist attraction. Holiday doesnt seem like a holiday when you know that you can go visit the place for many many times later during the year. Something like the KLCC. Come to think of it, despite its iconic relation, I've never have a picture taken of the KLCC, know what i mean? And of course, it doesnt help with the fact that actually, both of us HAVE been to London on point of our life. Till date, we havent been to famous wax museum thingy and still dont have the urge to do so.

You would have realized by now that life seems to 'start' after both of us got a job. Well, partly is because I wanted both of us to experience something outside of us so that we could bring much more into the relationship. There is only so much you can talk if you're together for every single moment for 3 weeks straight. Scary hor, to think that I could have said that even though we're only married in Feb. Its only during these encounters does the cultural shock really begun.

For example, coming from a HR background, I would always advise people to put their pictures in their resume to make it stand out better in the mist of hundreds and thousands of resumes. And we should always make our details out clearly in the front page. But imagine my shock when putting a picture in resume is consider a tabboo and I was laughed at. Yes. I was actually laughed at. And putting your race, date of birth and marital status is considered totally unnecessary to avoid discrimination.

We came across many more things that certainly changed our look in life in general. For a place that doesnt tolerates discrimination, there are certainly high tension in certain areas in life. Say for example just yesterday when we were on our way back home from a friend's place, a fight broke out right in front of us while in the train. Apparently some drunk guy was shouting discriminating stuff to an Asian guy (but we missed the beginning, so we didnt know what instigate the issue), and minutes later a scuffle broke out. They were exchanges blows at each other just right behind Des and I was just hugging him for dear life. Did I mention that the train was packed to the brim and soon after there were blood everywhere?

I was pretty shaken up throughout the ride and was very paranoid as in situation such as this, you could get whack by just simply being yourself, you know what I mean? I for one, will blatantly admit that there are discrimination back home over many many issues, but certainly I've never encounter different ethnic groups fighting each other in public. Perhaps I've been living on another planet but certainly I dont see things such as these...

And you know what the best part is? The people who ended up fighting each other weren't Asian in the first place! Its the other people who apparently couldnt stand the drunken guy's comments and loud noises. As scared as I was, I really dont know what to make out of this! The ones who kena were nicely keeping quiet and its those who werent involve who were fighting the fight.

I dont know how to tell you more of this story without appearing to be anymore discriminating than what I already am, but the point is, we've both pretty made up our minds NOT to raise our kids here. Seriously, what DO they have here that we dont back home? For a place who does not tolerates discrimimnation, this is really NOT a place to learn about it. Perhaps, our mistake is to come here with seriously wrong expectations of how is it here. For once, I have to agree, that TV really gives out the wrong impression in people's life.

Friends and family always says that we both looked very happy in our pictures posted up in our picture blog and Facebook. But certainly, what the pictures didnt portray is the reality of life here. What we see back home is really being replicated over here. Of course the pictures will not capture our disagreements and arguments. And I am certain to say that we're certainly 'happier' in many ways back home. But in many ways we're both glad that we could get to experience this together, as it certainly opened up our eyes in many things of life.

And I am glad.

For I think this experience has better prepare ourselves to be future parents... :)