Deep down I had wanted to travel more. To be able to travel around the world to experience the culture. To discover the various places on own own and not just the normal organized trips.
But I know we can't do that. We don't have that kinda time and money. Unfortunately, being an employee does not allow us to simply take 3 months off work to travel. There are bills to settle and people to take care of.
Suddenly, I feel like I am having a middle-age crisis. What happended to my youth? What happened to the times when I can wear those la-la tops? How come I am living a life planning for a future that I cannot imagine? Where are the holidays to all these places that I am supposed to go experience? Why isnt there any freedom from work at all? What happended to "Hidup Hanya Sementara"? What happened to the "just the two of us" life? How come I've never gone out as much as my friends do? How come my parents never had more children so that I dont feel so guilty leaving them behind? Why are things so messed up anyway?
Yea yea, I am just rambling away... I have so many issues in me that sometimes when I am alone, it comes back to haunt me. These are the times when I do not think rationally and emotions takes over.
Life is absolutely ridiculous right now. And at this moment, if you had asked me "Would you have done it differently?", I had an urge to say, "Yes". Life is reality and reality hurts. The grass is always greener on the other side, but is it not? This phrase is my lifesaver. Yes, the grass over there may be greener but no one ever mentioned of the expensive weed-killer. Naive people would believe it. Go-getter would go get it. And well, people like me, we just make the most out of what we have. I can't blame anyone if I choose to be contented with what I have right?
Perhaps I am in this tug-of-war situation. The logical side of me stayed grounded with the best possible choice, but the other side of me is just yelling to get out. Neah, it will never happened. Entertaining doubts is what drives me crazy sometimes, but still, one bird in hand is better than two birds in tree.
And I bloody hate it when people thinks that they are more superior than others. Irritates me to no end.
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