1 year mark.

Today is the 365th day in London.

Yeap. Last year yesterday we arrived in London on the 9th March 2008.

My lack of updates definately does not match my experience here in London.

And I still remember this.

I know its March and its a bit too late to reflect on 2008 (I'm a person who like to dwell on the past), but hey, who cares!

Anyway, lets do this and see if I've achieve any of these things.

For 2008, I look forward to:
1) groceries shop in the local neighbourhood - Sainsbury shopping on a weekly affair.
2) cook on a regular basis - Des usually does the cooking during weekday while I'll make soup over the weekends.
3) hunt down chinese cooking stuff in Chinatown - Chinese cooking wine! Need I say more?
4) walk down the street and feel like a holiday - I still love taking mini-walks with Des and until now I'll say to him, "I still cant believe we're here!"
5) sit at a park and realize "Hey, I'm here!" - Done that when we were in St James Park
6) lose weight - Unfortunately, still is the same. But I'm trying to change my diet though.
7) watch local tv - Oh very much! BIG BROTHER, and I'm so gonna miss the shows here!!
8) resurrect my camera and take pictures - We ended up buying a new one and it has been good!
9) discover local shops - Yea, mini-walks remember?
10) buy gossip magazines at their original price - This is one thing that I didnt do, only because there are FREE newspaper available everyday!
11) stay on our own (again!) - We've settled somewhat into a routine, though we've both decided that if we ever ended up buying a house with a garden, it will be cemented.
12) shop for clothes and sigh, "They dont have my size. These are too large." - But it is kinda irritating though.
13) shop for clothes and ask, "Do you have these in the smallest size?" - Reality check, I cant fit into the smallest size. So its still a M for me :(
14) reduce the size of my pride - Very much, but I think it still can be much smaller.
15) be a better person - I hope so?

We've got another month to go before flying off. And it will be hectic from now. One more week of work, then two weeks with my family, one week with my ex-boss, one week in ITALY and then its home.

And it does not stop at home. We'll have less than FOUR months to prepare for our wedding, and we'll still have to look for job, car and furnish the house. So that is 6 months of jam packed plans.

Honestly, right now, I'm taking it day-by-day. I have no idea how I will make it, but as long as Des is around, I'll be fine.

I think.

:)

Happy birthday!

My colleague gave me this for my birthday today! :-)

Selfish thoughts...

Many times I've reminded myself that life is like that. Hence, i place a lot of importance in self preservation. I do, i really do. Some of you may say i'm selfish, but i think I've been let down too many times to allow myself to be hurt. Pardon me, but my heart in not made of stone. I know what its like to put your heart out, but i'm too logical. I was very young when i made a promise to myself to never cry alone. I forgot what made my cry, but from then on, i made myself dry up tears and swallow back sobs whenever i'm hurt and alone. My tears are only made for an audience. I don't have to explain myself to you, even more, i don't have to explain anything to myself, for i know i'm my worst enemy. But then, isn't that what they say, to keep you enemy closer? Sometimes, i think i'm almost jenkyl and hyde. I've got so much anger in me i scare myself sometimes. But then again, i honestly think that its the anger that has kept me alive and ready to face the world for so long. I've always told myself, that overcoming small obstacles like these is only preparation for big things to come, whatever that is. Today i see a part of myself emerging again after trying to suppress for so long. I don't like it, but i know its the self preservation side that kicks it back alive. The things that we do to keep ourselves safe eh? You probably won't understand, and it'll even be more difficult for you to accept, but i hope you don't judge me. Just like i didn't judge you. Because if you have taken the time and trouble to look properly, you and i are not that different. No matter how much you deny it...

I just realised...

This is the closest I'll ever get to an occupied Big Brother House.

For.The.Rest.Of.My.Life.

No words can describe my sadness right now.

Bye bye Big Brother...

Kacang

Apparently, they are called 'Monkey nuts' over here. My boss was eating crap peanuts from M&S, so i decided to show them what real kacang taste like. Bought this Menglembu cap Orang Tua from Chinatown. Product of Malaysia! Luckily, my colleagues like it. Phew!

Jazz and Me. And Happily ever after...

My Facebook status today reads 'Agnes does not believe in 'Happily ever after'. Thats why she doesn't listen to jazz...'

I dont. I really dont.

I dont believe in being married and living life happily ever after. Neither do I listen to Jazz.

I believe that divorce should always be an option that we choose not to exercise. I dont live my life thinking 'we'll never divorce', or 'we'll always be together'. I think it is very important that we should always be very conscious of the fact that things could go wrong at any point of time.

Hence, we should never take anything for granted. We should all be aware how things goes and should always keep things right.

I know it seems weird how I equates happily ever to jazz. It does, come to think of it. Both gives you thia mushy lovey feeling of content, relaxation and without a care of the world. Or at least until when reality slaps you in the face or when the tape stops playing.

I think I mentioned about the jazz issue sometime back. I knew i mentioned something about it but was too lazy to find the link. Something about loving the jazz feeling but hating the reality check when i stop listening to it.

Almost as if I'm standing on top of a high building admiring the wonderful city lights and enjoying the amazing view and then in a split second having someone to push me off the building. Yeap, that is how i feel about jazz.

I think my 25 cent loves jazz. I've seen his endless collection of jazz albums and I've always love listening to it whenever he plays it in his room. Many times I had wanted to download the albums from him.

In fact, just for the sake of it, I've actually downloaded a couple of christmas jazz albums just to be played over Christmas. Hmm, well, lets just say i didnt even get past the 5th song before we were distracted and end up playing something else. And so, the the jazz album lays 'unlistened' in my drive.

Perhaps, if there is some invention that allows me to listen to jazz non stop for the rest of my life, will I truly understand the meaning of happily ever after. So non-stop jazz=happily ever after. Getiit?

But I know it will never work. This Jazz and me thing. Its just not meant to be.

31/12/2008

I must be crazy thinking I can close 512 for long :)

Anyway, I was getting a bit paranoid over some stuff that I wrote a little while ago and decide to shut it off for a while to let people forget about it. Dont worry, you probably wont notice it anyway but i just felt uncomfortable.

Anyway, its now the end of 2008. I've loads of idea but not right now I guess.

One way or another, I've always felt that I've seen the very best of fireworks display. I mean, i know there were some fantastic pictures that has been taken, and I seems to appreciate the pictures more than being on site.

I remember there is once that I saw fireworks without Des. And it feels different. Almost indifferent. After that, I lost interest in watching fireworks if he is not there with me.

Yea, I know. I have no life.

But then again, I'm sure with the same amount of people who shake their head saying I put this to myself, there would be just the same amount of people who understands what I'm saying.

All I wanna say...

Lets just say that I would have prefer Des to be with me. But I had a wonderful Christmas, and that is all I can ask for.

With 2008 almost drawing to the end, we are aware that we need to kick our lazy ass off the couch and put on our thinking caps if we ever want our wedding to materialize in 2009.

However, (I'm sure like any other couple), we have disagreements over how things should be done. The fact that we're half world away from KL doesnt make it any easier either.

Hence, we've decided to try a new concept. We would like to invite you, our friends and family to comment on issues that we find hard to agree on. Depending on the response we get, we're toying with the idea to make our wedding YOUR wedding by posting up numerous mind boggling issues that needs decision making.

But BEFORE we go so far ahead, we would like to set up a few simple questions just to help us with some ideas. Perhaps, if the response is good, we will continue to develop it into something better (for a better word, ADVENTUROUS, in another word, LAZY).

So, lets starts this off by asking you a few simple questions in which we can build the foundation of our wedding plan. Your response will be very much appreciated, and please leave comments on your thoughts about the polls.

Cheerleading?

Its things like these that makes me regret not pursuing my dancing class properly when I was a kid.



Gives me goosebumps everytime but yet I can watch it nonstop continuously.

Untitled.

Des is coming back in an hour's time.

Many thoughts were in my head, yet I dont know how to phase them in groups.

Been taking the bus home for the past few days. Instead of tube+tube, I'm doing bus+tube. I dont know why, but London tube really bores me. I recommend it to anyone who wants to understand the phrase 'surrounded by people but yet feels lonely'. Not like I have a problem with it anyway. But I finds that the fact that it is underground and you cant look outside to let your thoughts wander is what depressed me. After work, I just cant find the energy to force my brain into concentrating in reading a book. Wandering eyes is considered rude. Especially since you're the only one doing it.

I really just want to look outside and see that the world is moving.

Maybe I should walk home tomorrow.

On the other end of my spectrum of thoughts, I'm only capable to taking more than I give. Dont be sorry, neither am I apologetic. Lets just say I'm built this way. Most of the bricks is laid by me anyway.

Like what everyone says, its just purely to protect oneself. Better you than me right?

Life works in the funniest way. I had a short argument with my collegue today, about whether 12 o'clock afternoon should be 12am or 12pm. Life is funny, the argument is not.

Remember one of my favourite phrases?

'Life is not fair. If it is, I'm nothing...'

I'm so going to walk home tomorrow...

28/10/08

I'm in lala land right now. In my own little world, driving myself crazy with thoughts of the recession, weakening pound and losing job. Not good timing to kacau me right now. Obviously, as always, things are not as bad as I reported, but I'm the queen of drama right???

27/10/08

I was just reading through some of the old post way back earlier this year and last year and I cried my eyes out.

I'm so glad that 512 managed to capture all these moments. But I do noticed that there were hardly any 'happy' post.

Is it because I was hardly happy? I am aware that 512 captures a significant amount of stressful times in my life. But that is probably because I write better when I'm angry.

Hence, if you're reading this, please dont mistaken that I'm this angry and horrible sad woman. (Well, I probably am some of the times). Its just that most of the happier times I'm either spending it away from the laptop or captured in PITM.

:)

Everything is fine for now. But expect horrible post in the future, as I will be losing my temp job in November and I will drive myself (and Des) up the wall again with my antics of not able to find jobs. I suspect I will be in a 'suitable' mood fuel with enough emotion to write about the updates by then.

Watch out for this space! Take care everyone!

10/10/08

You know what, I suddenly have flashbacks on life up the hill.

The multi storey escalators. The indoor theme park. The crowded lobby. The conference center. The outdoor theme park. The brightly lit walk way.

How the hell did we managed to spend three years there???

Beautiful

Remember what I said about cheesy wedding songs?

I think I just about found the perfect cheesy song for the wedding!



Lyrics

Things are fine for now. Will update soon on my thoughts....

Fall Out Boy songs

Am slowly searching for songs for our wedding and I'm keen to use my favourite songs (as I'm trying to stay away from old cheesy wedding march songs). Sadly, emo-rock songs doesnt seems to go with wedding themes (if you listen to the previously karaoke posts of you-tube links)

Oh well, continueing on the karaoke songs, below are my favourite Fall Out Boy songs.

This Aint a Scene, its an Arms Race - Fall Out Boy

Lyrics



Thanks for the memories - Fall Out Boy

Lyrics



I'm like a lawyer - Fall Out Boy

Lyrics



And how can we forget this?

Sugar we're going down - Fall Out Boy


Lyrics

01/10/08

I had in my mind this short straight-to-the-point post about my difficulty in sleeping, which slowly manifest itself into a long full blown bottomline-the-real-reason anger that took me quite sometime to settle down before drifting off the sleep.

I'd very much like to blame the cold water but I suspect the medication could have something to do with it.

I'm in my indecisive mood again, for I cannot even plan our trip in Oct anymore. 40 pounds for 6 mile away or 50 pounds for 3 miles away? Bus or train? 8am or 3pm? Blackpool first or Manchester first? North or South? Sun or Monday? Tuesday maybe?

I forsee another nervous breakdown in days to come.

28/09/08

Read the article below (extracted straight from here), and tell me what you think...

Devout muslim sues Tesco for religious discrimination after he was made to carry crates of alcohol

A muslim is suing Tesco for religious discrimination after having to carry crates of alcohol as part of his job.

Forklift truck driver Mohammed Ahmed, 32, worked in one of the supermarket giant's warehouses for eight months before quitting 'in protest', an employment tribunal heard.

He claims he was forced to leave because handling beer, spirits and wine is against his strict Islamic beliefs and that he was victimised when he asked the company to give him another role.

Mr Ahmed, who was raised in Saudi Arabia, told the tribunal he had no idea his job entailed handling alcohol when he started work at the distribution depot in Lichfield, Staffordshire, last September.

When he realised it did, he asked to be found different work but alleges that one of his supervisors told him: 'You do the job or go home.'

Mr Ahmed also claimed his line manager was 'aggressive' towards him and another supervisor angrily told him: 'Do not take the p***.'

The situation allegedly worsened in November and December when extra alcohol arrived at the warehouse in readiness of Christmas, the tribunal in Birmingham heard.

Mr Ahmed claimed he eventually lodged an official grievance with the company in February but was 'victimised and harassed' as a result.

Asked why he took so long to raise a grievance in the first place, he said: 'Many meetings were being held in the meantime to discuss the situation.'

The tribunal heard that since the case emerged Tesco has ensured its induction process makes clear that handling alcohol is part of the job.

But Laura Canham, the company's solicitor, said it was still unrealistic for Mr Ahmed to say he had no idea what his duties would be.

Mr Ahmed claimed he had never visited a Tesco store and was not aware the company sold alcohol.

But he admitted having shopped in other supermarkets - including Sainsbury's, Lidl and ASDA - and noticing alcohol was on sale there.

Miss Canham said: 'He was advised at the outset what the job would entail. At no stage did he raise the fact he could not handle alcohol.'

She told the hearing managers did all they could to help Mr Ahmed, adding: 'They went to see if there were any other roles available for him.

'He applied for a maintenance job, but he was unsuccessful. All other roles, in some form or other, also came into contact with alcohol.'

The tribunal was told Mr Ahmed also gave out 'mixed messages', at one stage suggesting he was allowed to handle Budweiser beer.

Miss Canham denied the company discriminated against him and said: 'It would be reasonable to expect him to be aware of what Tesco did.'

Mr Ahmed, of Derby, who is suing the firm for racial discrimination, victimisation and harassment, is set to learn the outcome of the case later this week.

He said: 'I was asking for my rights. I am not saying I am a perfect person, but there was a conflict with my beliefs.

'It is in our religion that we are not allowed to handle alcohol. In the UK there are equal opportunities that should protect me and my beliefs.'

Saudi Arabia's enforcement of strict Sharia law regarding alcohol is among the harshest in the world.

Sentences include several months' imprisonment for simply drinking beer, and it is not unknown for offenders to be given lashes as well.

A spokesman for Tesco, whose £63 million Lichfield depot employs around 1,000 people, said: 'Cases like this are very rare.

'Managers are trained to be culturally sensitive and have an "open-door policy" to staff for issues like this, as everyone is welcome to work at Tesco.'

I read and read it again three times just to make sure I didnt not misunderstood any part of the article.

I dont know whether to laugh or to cry...

Running Out of Time - Simple Plan

The perfect song to describe the political situation back home?



But I still miss home...

Karaoke (Part 2)

Papercut - Linkin Park



Breaking the habit - Linkin Park



Welcome to my life - Simple Plan



Untitled - Simple Plan



Shut Up - Simple Plan



Crazy - Simple Plan



Addicted - Simple Plan



Your love is a lie - Simple Plan



I'm just a kid - Simple Plan



When i'm Gone - Simple Plan



Perfect - Simple Plan



Cant you see I'm a fan of Simple Plan???

Karaoke

Enough about feeling sorry for myself. Time for Karaoke. All together now!

She's so lovely - Scouting for Girls



Heartbeat - Scouting for Girls



Rockstar - Nickelback



How to save a life - The Fray



Grace Kelly - Mika



Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis



In the end - Linkin Park