1 year mark.

Today is the 365th day in London.

Yeap. Last year yesterday we arrived in London on the 9th March 2008.

My lack of updates definately does not match my experience here in London.

And I still remember this.

I know its March and its a bit too late to reflect on 2008 (I'm a person who like to dwell on the past), but hey, who cares!

Anyway, lets do this and see if I've achieve any of these things.

For 2008, I look forward to:
1) groceries shop in the local neighbourhood - Sainsbury shopping on a weekly affair.
2) cook on a regular basis - Des usually does the cooking during weekday while I'll make soup over the weekends.
3) hunt down chinese cooking stuff in Chinatown - Chinese cooking wine! Need I say more?
4) walk down the street and feel like a holiday - I still love taking mini-walks with Des and until now I'll say to him, "I still cant believe we're here!"
5) sit at a park and realize "Hey, I'm here!" - Done that when we were in St James Park
6) lose weight - Unfortunately, still is the same. But I'm trying to change my diet though.
7) watch local tv - Oh very much! BIG BROTHER, and I'm so gonna miss the shows here!!
8) resurrect my camera and take pictures - We ended up buying a new one and it has been good!
9) discover local shops - Yea, mini-walks remember?
10) buy gossip magazines at their original price - This is one thing that I didnt do, only because there are FREE newspaper available everyday!
11) stay on our own (again!) - We've settled somewhat into a routine, though we've both decided that if we ever ended up buying a house with a garden, it will be cemented.
12) shop for clothes and sigh, "They dont have my size. These are too large." - But it is kinda irritating though.
13) shop for clothes and ask, "Do you have these in the smallest size?" - Reality check, I cant fit into the smallest size. So its still a M for me :(
14) reduce the size of my pride - Very much, but I think it still can be much smaller.
15) be a better person - I hope so?

We've got another month to go before flying off. And it will be hectic from now. One more week of work, then two weeks with my family, one week with my ex-boss, one week in ITALY and then its home.

And it does not stop at home. We'll have less than FOUR months to prepare for our wedding, and we'll still have to look for job, car and furnish the house. So that is 6 months of jam packed plans.

Honestly, right now, I'm taking it day-by-day. I have no idea how I will make it, but as long as Des is around, I'll be fine.

I think.

:)

Happy birthday!

My colleague gave me this for my birthday today! :-)

Selfish thoughts...

Many times I've reminded myself that life is like that. Hence, i place a lot of importance in self preservation. I do, i really do. Some of you may say i'm selfish, but i think I've been let down too many times to allow myself to be hurt. Pardon me, but my heart in not made of stone. I know what its like to put your heart out, but i'm too logical. I was very young when i made a promise to myself to never cry alone. I forgot what made my cry, but from then on, i made myself dry up tears and swallow back sobs whenever i'm hurt and alone. My tears are only made for an audience. I don't have to explain myself to you, even more, i don't have to explain anything to myself, for i know i'm my worst enemy. But then, isn't that what they say, to keep you enemy closer? Sometimes, i think i'm almost jenkyl and hyde. I've got so much anger in me i scare myself sometimes. But then again, i honestly think that its the anger that has kept me alive and ready to face the world for so long. I've always told myself, that overcoming small obstacles like these is only preparation for big things to come, whatever that is. Today i see a part of myself emerging again after trying to suppress for so long. I don't like it, but i know its the self preservation side that kicks it back alive. The things that we do to keep ourselves safe eh? You probably won't understand, and it'll even be more difficult for you to accept, but i hope you don't judge me. Just like i didn't judge you. Because if you have taken the time and trouble to look properly, you and i are not that different. No matter how much you deny it...

I just realised...

This is the closest I'll ever get to an occupied Big Brother House.

For.The.Rest.Of.My.Life.

No words can describe my sadness right now.

Bye bye Big Brother...

Kacang

Apparently, they are called 'Monkey nuts' over here. My boss was eating crap peanuts from M&S, so i decided to show them what real kacang taste like. Bought this Menglembu cap Orang Tua from Chinatown. Product of Malaysia! Luckily, my colleagues like it. Phew!

Jazz and Me. And Happily ever after...

My Facebook status today reads 'Agnes does not believe in 'Happily ever after'. Thats why she doesn't listen to jazz...'

I dont. I really dont.

I dont believe in being married and living life happily ever after. Neither do I listen to Jazz.

I believe that divorce should always be an option that we choose not to exercise. I dont live my life thinking 'we'll never divorce', or 'we'll always be together'. I think it is very important that we should always be very conscious of the fact that things could go wrong at any point of time.

Hence, we should never take anything for granted. We should all be aware how things goes and should always keep things right.

I know it seems weird how I equates happily ever to jazz. It does, come to think of it. Both gives you thia mushy lovey feeling of content, relaxation and without a care of the world. Or at least until when reality slaps you in the face or when the tape stops playing.

I think I mentioned about the jazz issue sometime back. I knew i mentioned something about it but was too lazy to find the link. Something about loving the jazz feeling but hating the reality check when i stop listening to it.

Almost as if I'm standing on top of a high building admiring the wonderful city lights and enjoying the amazing view and then in a split second having someone to push me off the building. Yeap, that is how i feel about jazz.

I think my 25 cent loves jazz. I've seen his endless collection of jazz albums and I've always love listening to it whenever he plays it in his room. Many times I had wanted to download the albums from him.

In fact, just for the sake of it, I've actually downloaded a couple of christmas jazz albums just to be played over Christmas. Hmm, well, lets just say i didnt even get past the 5th song before we were distracted and end up playing something else. And so, the the jazz album lays 'unlistened' in my drive.

Perhaps, if there is some invention that allows me to listen to jazz non stop for the rest of my life, will I truly understand the meaning of happily ever after. So non-stop jazz=happily ever after. Getiit?

But I know it will never work. This Jazz and me thing. Its just not meant to be.

31/12/2008

I must be crazy thinking I can close 512 for long :)

Anyway, I was getting a bit paranoid over some stuff that I wrote a little while ago and decide to shut it off for a while to let people forget about it. Dont worry, you probably wont notice it anyway but i just felt uncomfortable.

Anyway, its now the end of 2008. I've loads of idea but not right now I guess.

One way or another, I've always felt that I've seen the very best of fireworks display. I mean, i know there were some fantastic pictures that has been taken, and I seems to appreciate the pictures more than being on site.

I remember there is once that I saw fireworks without Des. And it feels different. Almost indifferent. After that, I lost interest in watching fireworks if he is not there with me.

Yea, I know. I have no life.

But then again, I'm sure with the same amount of people who shake their head saying I put this to myself, there would be just the same amount of people who understands what I'm saying.

All I wanna say...

Lets just say that I would have prefer Des to be with me. But I had a wonderful Christmas, and that is all I can ask for.