Conversations

"...I noticed that you werent as cheerful and happy since six months ago..."

I know that I am transparent, but I always forget that I am. And so, every once in a while, I'll get this reminder that I am, indeed, very transparent to others on how I am feeling inside.

"...and I want you to know that it is ok to feel this way..."

For the first time in my life, my ears hurts so much from listening to advices that I have not asked for. This is the reason why I rarely talked to others about my problems, because I know exactly what they will say and I do not want to hear it (because I know that if you come to me with a problem, I will tell you things that YOU do not want to hear, dont say I dont warn you).

"...you need to do this slowly..."

Clearly, I do not want to carry on the conversation, and at one point of time, I feel violated because I am hearing things that I ALREADY KNOW and certainly am not willing to discussed about it. However, the circumstances of the conversation is so that I could not do anything but to keep quiet hoping it will end.

"Hello there! I'm sorry, but this morning I've mistaken you for someone else..."

And so, the week carries on with lots of activities and meeting many other people. But deep inside, the conversation left a huge impact on me for the rest of the week.

"Great looking shoes!"

It doesnt help either to have salt rubbed into the wound. But I managed. And over the week, I got to know more about the people that I've met...

"She is too chirpy for my liking."

"...It belongs to my aunt."

"He actually strangled her!"

"Dont you think you are sitting to close?"

"My voice has been like that since a year ago..."

"Well, you know how it is, with our two bosses not talking to each other."

Well, honestly, I didnt feel that much better. But I am very much consoled with the fact that others are equally bogged down with issues in their life, and that I am indeed very very THANKFUL with my family and life right now.

"Regardless."

And I'd be stupid to think that I am all alone in this.

Having said that, please do not come forward and start offering me advice unless I specifically asked you for it.

12/05/2007

Hence, the start of a long break.

Took 8 days off from work, 5 offdays and 3 annual leaves. Already, its been busy since yesterday and I've got a wedding to attend tomorrow and a short trip up to Cherating next week.

Been feeling slightly down since I came down. You know how weddings depressed me. And crying in a restaurant doesnt help either. So, what could a girl do when she is feeling down, depressed and have bengkak red eyes in a shopping mall? She shops.

And after two pairs of red shoes, a three-quarter pants, a purple bohemian shirt, two tops and accesories, she felt much, MUCH better.

So much better that she is able to plan properly on what she is going to wear during the wedding.

Hopefully, the fire-engine red pumps will take away the attention that others have on her. And the RM28 dress will help her look like as elegantly fake as she can.

I can tell you for sure, this 8 days sure not enough wan.

Vaio

Just when I thought that there is absolutely no way I could afford to buy a small kucik Vaio, Sony came up with this absolutely beautiful babe and it cost LESS than the small Vaio!!!

Sigh, a 12-month installment would cost me around RM500++ a month.

How?

02/05/2007

Looking through my old files, i found this...

Good, the previous post is supposed to be very sad and depressing. But somehow it is not. And that does not go well with this cause I had wanted to put up something slow and depressing.

So, with reference to the previous entry below, here are some random ramblings...

I'm glad that my current handphone makes me reply sms slower than others cause if not, I would have type and sent out some very nasty sms and to regret doing so later.

It is very tiring to repeat myself.

It is also very exhausting to know too much.

I miss him very much suddenly.

I now have a phobia of driving behind cars when it is raining. I'd rather take the risk to speed along in heavy rain than to follow rows of cars driving at slow speed (in fear of someone deciding to suddenly break hence the repeat of history).

I had a huge headache that lasted for two days after the accident.

My eyes were bengkak from crying and lack of sleep.

Despite it all, I felt that I did what I should do and that is enough. I've put what is unimportant aside when it required me to do so. But it doesnt mean that I ignore it after it is done. I still remember and…

I used to type out my thoughts before I had a blog or whenever I do not have access to internet.

The above seems disturbing, and apparently I've never gotten around to finish it.

I dont really remember what had happened, and what transpired me to write that.

And that is a good thing right?

Cause whatever that had bothered me back then, its over and I've gotten over it.

:)