Game

It is, afterall, just a Game...

JACLYN VICTOR & RIO FEBRIAN - CERITERA CINTA

Lyrics

31/08/2007

A horrible day to drive back home for the long merdeka weekend.

The usual one-hour drive turns out to be a three hour crawl. Lets just say for the entire duration, I was on first gear.

All for a stupid lorry.

How did my hair fair in the office?

Mostly its the "Wah, so sayang, cut your long hair...", then followed by "Hmm, suit you ah, look like very corporate like..."

In another words, it looks matured loh! I dont understand, I thought short hair is suppose to make the person look younger, not older!

:(

But anyway, I STILL like it short now. Not so much of the less hair to care, though its even more mafan now that I've got to blow dry it, but I'm sick and tired of having it long.

And like I said earlier on, its not like I'm growing it for any big occasion.

That alone, is reason enough for me to chop it off.

I should really stop thinking about it.

And start thinking how convineant it is going to be during the Bangkok trip with my makeup free face and short hair!

Bangkok on the other hand, is really going to be a very short trip in 2 weeks time. We'll be arriving late evening on Monday and will be flying off Wed afternoon. So, its just a full day on Tues to get around.

But then again, our itinerary is mostly just to get away and to enjoy the food.

Hopefully, it will be a good trip, cause afterall, we've been looking forward to this trip since January this year...

Happy merdeka, people!

26/08/2007

Havent gotten used to my hair yet.

I'm still walking around imagining myself with long hair, and when I come across my own reflection and mirrors, looked at the round head, then only realized "oh yea, I look like this now..."

Hehehe, have to constantly catch my own reflection to remind myself how I looked like now.

Come on, its been YEARS since I have my hair this short.

Yea yea, the picture below looks a bit aunty, but thats because I was wearing my cheongsam to a wedding dinner.

Anyway, past few days and few more days to come, my temper has been and will be really, really bad.

Now that i've chopped of my hair as a way to channel out the anger, what else could I do next?

Perhaps, I should get a pet... Hmm... (Glad that there is no pet shop up hill, otherwise, I think my roomate would be suprise to return to a room full of pets!!!)

And, to make matters worst, I'll be on my own for the next few days.

Talk about the worst possible combination during PMS.

Oh well, on a lighter note, it will be now about 3 weeks before our Bangkok trip!

Hmm, could start chanelling all my energy into looking for places/things to go/do in Bangkok!

26/08/2007

Note to self: Decline any wedding invitation if it clashes with your period week.

PMS + Wedding = BAD COMBINATION

Now leave me alone...

25/08/2008

Woke up, feeling extra extra grumpy over many things, and decided to chop it all off.

Inilah muka 20 sen aku sekarang...
Just to remind myself, this is how my hair used to look like.

Special Kids

Things had been hectic at work, and I'm back for the weekend.

A couple of pictures on what happened last weekend:

Last weekend, I got a chance to be part of an event where special kids and senior citizens were invited to the hill for a day of fun.

And it turned out great. I was lucky in the sense that I was kinda prepared with what I was going to faced on that day. I believed that my days of teaching and volunteering has helped me to be comfortable with the kids.

Do you know why this day was special to me?

Because for a few weeks now, I have been thinking about options and whether I could go back to teaching and spending lots of time with kids.

And these kids helps reminds me of those days, those wonderful days where I'd spent time playing with them, helping the teachers prepare for their activities, hearing them laugh as they go about playing and meeting up with the parents who is determined to give the very best to their kids.

And why I left.

Store #572

If you look around, you'll noticed a sudden mushroom-ing activity of 7-11 stores throughout Malaysia.

You are bound to see a 7-11 store anywhere from a petrol station right up to a small kucik town along the road.

And for a while now, I've been toying with this idea of going to every 7-11 stores that I come across and taking a picture of it, as part of my travelling journal.

You see, partly due to the fact I'm caught up hill most of the time, the urge to explore places is high and in order to keep dates interesting, I often come up with places, often hypermarkets, that we've never been before as an activity to explore and spend time together.

And I have noticed that there are 7-11s almost every where we go! That's where I got an idea of 7-11 travelling log/journal to capture the places that I've been to.

Well, of course I've missed many opportunities prior to having this idea, but it never hurts to start now right? How this works? Well, basically, the idea is to go into that 7-11 store and buy one item and capture a picture in front of the store with the purchase.

Easy right? Though things are slightly more expensive, the fun is to buy something like an ice cream or a drink and to take a picture of it. Since 7-11s are now found in the most unconventional place, how else will you get a chance to explore those roadside shops that you pass oh-so-frequently but never walked to it???

And do you know, apparently, according to their website, there are now 890 stores around Malaysia???

So to kick start things off, when Des and I went for a short trip to PD, we took our first picture of store #572

Address: No: 11, Jln Mahajaya, Port Dickson Centrepoint, 71000 PD, N.S.
Purchase: One bottle of Lipton Ice Tea
Price: Forgot liao (must remember to put price)

And the obligatory picture.

I know its a bit dark, but its midnight and I only have my camera phone!

For the flash to be close enough to capture my face, the 7-11 logo will be hidden!

Hopefully, next time we'll be more prepared! Hehehe

One down, 799 more to go!

Rambut panjang ke pendek???

For a while now, I've had long hair for as long as I remember. I've only had short hair once, and that was WAY back in school.

HISTORY
On the 3rd day since my last exam paper during SPM, I 'm off to the salon to get my first red bloody-super-painful-condom-styled highlight that cost me RM500. And that RM500 was NINE years ago.

After the highlight, came my first perm. I still remembered going to the salon that day, telling the aunty that I wanted a perm, and the aunty enthusiastically replied "yea yea, the popular one right???" And I nodded, having no idea what I just agreed to.

The next thing I knew, I was having this super-tight-frizzy-curls that looks like i've just been electrocuted. The effect was nice though, cause I have fine and little hair, so the texture was very soft to touch and it gives me a whole lot of volume that I've never dream of having.

Hence, my love of curls began.

Since then, throughout the college and uni years, it was mostly in curls, big ones, small ones, chemical ones, electric ones, need-to-put-a-lot-of-lotion ones, no-need-to-put-any-lotion ones, etc.

Only one type of perm i didnt go for though, its the cockscrew ones that looks exactly like you havent washed your hair in months type.

Took me a while before finally deciding to straighten my hair. Cause i'm afraid it'll be too flat. After years since my first perm, I walked out of the salon with a neck pain (after spending close to SIX hours), RM800 poorer and super silky straight hair.

In betweens, there were perms, but of course, somehow or rather, I'll still go back to straightening it. Cause its SO EASY to take care of!! Girls with perms, remember the gob that you have to put on your hair? Remember the no comb rule? Remember that AIR DRY means sitting underneath the ceiling fan for THREE hours??? And how with a gush of wind, the whole hair go crazy?

Now, my hair is at its longest. Never have I have my hair this long, around the waist.

And I'm getting sick of it.

I hardly tie up my hair, let alone style it. Pulling my hair up gives my headache, and I'm too obsessed about having clips at the exact right place (without senget) to spend much time styling it.

I've finally decided to chop it off tomorrow.

Spend quite some time thinking and pondering.

Thinking whether I should at least give it one final perm before cutting it show, perhaps should cut it gradually shorter instead of a chop, long hair is easier to care cause cow licks drives me crazy, etc...

And you know what is the final straw?

Is that when I realized its not like I'm keeping my hair for anything special anyway...

(p/s attending a wedding tomorrow, so you do the maths)

Kepala Angin

Is it my fault that I dont recognize myself these days anymore?

Recently I had a chance to work with my ex-schoolmate whom I havent met in years. And based on our meetings, I wander whether she thinks "Oh my, she is a bitch now!"

Problem is, I dont know whether its a good thing that I've somewhat 'evolve' into this person whom I could hardly recognize anymore. I'm sure for those whom I havent met in ages would notice how different I am now.

I'm not talking about physical changes, more on the fact that I noticed that I am a much more angrier person now.

So angry, that I lost my temper at the wrong person.

Took me a second to realize what I did when he mentioned that I shouldnt have yelled at him.

Was so guilty moments later, but then I rationalize that it wasnt because of other factor that make me raise my voice, its the fact that I have been irritated by him.

And what suprises me even more is that, while I find myself thinking 'Damn, he will sure story this to everyone else", I also thought "Oh well, cant be helped anyway."

I've ALWAYS cared what others thought of me. And this little sentence above shows the complete opposite. Really, who cares if I've lost my temper anyway, when I myself has been on the receiving end many times.

Apparently, what they say about this place is true. People who works here long enough WILL develop a symtom what we called "kepala angin". Meaning a high tendency to lost temper, though the frequency may differ from time to time. If you are lucky, the patient will treat you good. If you caught the person at a bad time, you'll suffer from unnecessary scoldings.

Any treatment? No known cure yet, though prevention is better than cure.

Prevention?

To get AWAY from this place, of course!

Recurring Dreams

Recurring Dreams

Most dreams contain messages that serve to teach us something about ourselves. Unfortunately many a times we forget what we dream about as we go about our daily routine. With recurring dreams, the message may be so important and/or powerful that it just will not go away. The frequent repetition of such dreams forces you to pay attention and confront the dream. The dream is trying desperately to tell you something. Such dreams are often nightmarish or frightening in their content, which also helps you to take notice and pay attention to them.

Recurring dreams are quite common and are often triggered by a certain life situation or a problem that keeps coming back again and again. These dreams may recur daily, once a week, or once a month, but whatever the frequency, there is little variation in the dream content itself. It usually points to a personal weakness, fear, or your inability to cope with something in your life - past or present.

The repetitive patterns in your dream can reveal some of the most valuable information on yourself. It may point to a conflict, situation or matter in your waking life that remains unresolved or unsettled. Or some urgent underlying message in your unconscious is demanding to be understood.

I.DONT.LIKE.

Too dark and too quiet...

Apparently, my mum heard someone screamed just outside our house. She suspect its some snatch thief.

I dont feel safe here.

I really dont.

Its funny how I sometimes have trouble sleeping when i'm back home.

One of the reason is that I find it too dark and too quiet.

Its quiet because my room faces the back alley and there are no traffic at all.

Its dark because I have my dark blue curtains to block lights out in the morning.

Which drives me crazy and send my mind to work overtime to think about how bad the night could turn out.

I actually prefer my room uphill, facing the brightly lit carpark, with the occational shouts from drunken customers, loud car alarms and the zooming of cars to and fro.

I sleep better, knowing there were people out there going about minding their own business, instead of some strangers going about quietly thinking of how to break-in.

Maybe I could do well staying just right in front of the mainroad. I know it will be slightly cheaper, cause most people dislike the dust, the noise, and the traffic, but like they say, the most likely place is the most unlikely place right???

But where else could I go?

11/08/2007

See, i told you that we women are crazy bitches.

Finally got my hands on the long overdue letter. But there were hardly any emotions, let alone celebrations. Though the promise has been delivered, I knew it came disguised as a brickwall to move forward.

On another note, a question caught me by suprise. I am suprised that I have not actually thought about it and just blabble a logical answer.

Just like me right? One who refuses to put too much thoughts into things that I want to happen, in fear that whatever I dream of will NEVER materialized. Instead, choosing to spend lots of time thinking about what could go WRONG, hoping that the more I think about the scenarios, the less likely it will happen.

Almost like the I-dream-of-what-to-do-with-the-lottery-money-but-I-never-will-win kinda moment.

And when it finally happen, I will just choose the most logical way out (logic, so like me!) instead of taking time to think what I want.

I mean, what am I supposed to do at that point of time? Say "I'll think about it and let you know???"

Dont ask me what it is, else I'll just cry right in front of you.

NOW that you got me thinking about this, NOW I know that things will NEVER happen the way I thought it would.

Thank you very much.

Comfort

I’ve been humbled by many things over the past few weeks.

An expected news came, and though I have been thinking about it for months, I am surprised that I’ve been rather quiet about it. Insecurities hit me and despite the fact that I have been spending lots of time thinking about it before this, I was still quite unprepared to face it.

Then some another experiences came to show me that everyone has its own strength and abilities. Though they may not be suited for certain activities, they shouldn’t be stereotype against anything. For the first time in the past year, I felt competition.

And it felt good.

It felt good to feel that there are others better than me, and I felt belittled. Don’t take me wrong, but I feel tingly to feel scared again to be matched up against these people. Clearly, I am too comfortable in where I am, and to see that there are many more executives that are far more capable than me.

I am losing the competitiveness I have in me, and my situation will continue to worsen if I do not strive to experience more.

Indeed, it is becoming a problem.

Something has to be done…

08/08/2007

You know that moment when you are humming a certain song and the next thing you hear is the DJ playing the song?

:)

Paris Hilton (Part 2)

With regards of what I wrote earlier on a few days ago, about being lucky but not perfect. Many people tend to only see the good side of the story. Pretty much on the "grass is greener on the other side" statement.

You know what I've learn from reading the Paris Hilton book? Or why I read any of these books by celebrities? Its because helps me see that life on the "other luckier side", and to help me see that life is not that perfect either.

Many a times, I know I rattle on too much about the little little minute things in my life when most of it is in place anyway. You see, again, what you see is only the perfect side. The dark and horrible things that have happen to me is never shown or told. And this is always a reminder to myself whenever I find myself getting irritated over these things, that there is ALWAYS another side of the coin that I do not know about, and probably explains why certain people does things their way.

Again, what do I learn from the Paris Hilton book? That I'm in some ways luckier than her because I could go and get drunk and make a fool of myself without anyone giving a damn, and that she couldnt get out of the house without spending time dolling up else the world will critizise on her makeup free look.

In that book, I spotted one bad picture of her. Bad as her face is pale and red and blotchy and looks nothing like her. Now, I dont know why that picture made it into the book, but it does suddenly make me realized that RM90 (initially I quoted the book to be at RM109) is worth it.

I need to read books such as this to constantly remind myself how lucky I am but it doesnt mean that I should be arrogant in anyway.

But then again, people read blogs/books/articles about how horrible their lives are, not how sugary and flowery it is. Sugary and flowery people irritates me because they live in the world that is sweet and perfect and they whine everytime things doesnt go the perfect way.

But then of course, if the sugary and flowery people has experience horrible experience before, then it makes them just like everyone else :)

And the second lesson learnt from the book?

Is to "always tell everyone what they want to hear. Then do what you want."

31/07/2007

A good time indeed.

Happy Birthday Babe!

This is the second consecutive year that we're spending our anniversary in Port Dickson. It wasnt initially planned that way at all, but with the free apt and offdays, somehow things just came together.

It was a good trip, a relaxing trip, just the way I like it. We werent rushing to go anywhere. In fact managed to squeeze a 4 hour nap in between! Weather was wet, but cooling most of the time, which makes it even more bearable and a less irritable me! Dinner was fantastic with the right ambiance. Found a couple of hypermarts (our favourite pastime?) and even managed to have a cook out for breakfast beside the beach the next morning.

The view from our "breakfast hut"

Though it was a short getaway, but definately worth it. Sometimes, it doesnt have to be anywhere far and expensive.

Lazy to go back to work tomorrow, definately.

On the another note, I've been wearing only flat slippers for the past 6 days, and now my calf hurts. 4-inch heels everyday no pain, i'd thought i give you a rest and now this is how you repay me???

30/07/2007

I am going to do something I've never done for a long time.

I am going on a holiday without my makeup bag.

Oh well, even though its only PD and an overnight stay.

But still, its STILL a holiday and a special occasion to that ;-)

But both of us will not be taking any camera with us, except for the camera phones, in which I believe the quality wouldnt be as sharp, hence, pictures taken (if any) of me wouldnt be as ghastly as it should be.

Afterall, you have to understand, cause before this, makeup free usually mean an eyebrow free me, which looks something like voldermort (even i thinks he looks better!).

So, this would be the first time I go on a holiday without makeup but looking as normal as I could.

Hence, putting all my faith into my good skin alone (and of course the very expensive fake eyebrows), I am finally going to experience what it feels like to go on a holiday without the hassle of makeup and taking pictures with a face with all features complete.

On another note, I know and am very grateful that I am lucky in many aspects in my life, but contrary to what many has come to believe, being lucky is far from being perfect...

Cause nobody's perfect.

So, stop judging me and start feeling grateful for youself!

Life is NOT fair, cause if it is, you're NOTHING!

29/07/2007

Muka 20 sen.

Lepas 2 hari, nampak masih sama. Tak kopek lagi... Tapi masa untuk makeup dah separuh! :P

Valerie Tay (1981 - 2007)

(13 years ago)
I knew her during secondary school, and was in the same class with her during Form One. During that time, we werent best friends, but I guess we talked a bit. Yes, I admit, I wasnt close to her.

(13 years later)
Then came the sudden news of her death from a friend via msn one day at work. She was suffering from bipolar disorder and has chosen to end her life.

A month later, I found out that a couple of her friends are getting together to help raise funds to the Malaysia Mental Health Association by participating in a blogathon.

Then I also found out that one of her favourite song is Cyndi Lauper’s “Walk On By”. Now, I couldnt find her singing that song in youtube, but I found Seal's cover version of it instead...

Lyrics



Val, though we hardly spoke to each other thoughout the years in school, I thank God for the chance to get to know you. Though you may have felt alone, I can see that many of your friends has felt less lonely with your friendship. You have make your presence felt in our lives and you will be missed. Rest in peace,...