Ms Lo

After six years of knowing you,
Five agonizing days,
Four hours of driving,
Three shops,
Two private hospital,
One doctor,...

I never know I could be so happy to see you.

MBA?

Suddenly thought about going back to study.

Suddenly thought about going back to library to study, oddly enough, something that I hardly do. Library is usually the place I go when I need to find books to reference for my assignments. I hardly study in library, and efforts had to be made to go library. Its always too quiet for me, though sometimes it is nice to hang around that place and just start reading randomly.

I missed going to classess too. Wait, I miss going to lectures, not tutorials, cause tutorials is where the work is. Lectures is to sit back, relax and let the fella in front talk. Half of the time, my mind will wander and at times, I'll just fall back asleep. Lectures is about writing what the fella in fronts talked and drawing colourful lines on the notes. And when class is over, I'll just grab back my books and head back.

I missed having just assignments to do. Life back then was just about reading up, finishing assignments, passing up tutorial work and exams. Everything that I've learn during that semester, is just stored temporary in my brain, after which will be deleted after I pass that subjects. Once in a while, bits and pieces of information is stuck and that's how I remember parts about risk, supply & demands, but that is all.

I was never the over achiever. Nor was I the one with perfect attendance. All I can say is, I scrap through my classes without failing ever. But then again, considering that I sometimes only take one or two subjects per semester, I cannot afford to fail. I have no reason to. I'm doing subjects like a part time student. Two bloody subjects on two bloody days in a week. I still remember thinking that others have two days (weekends) to rest, and I have two bloody days to suffer before enjoying a 5-day break everyweek. Hey, I admit, I am not as brilliant as my friends. No point taking 4-5 subjects and failing 2-3 ever semester right? I know my limits.

Also, I am never one who is busy with activities. In fact, thinking back, I dont think I ever had any "extra curricullar" activities when i'm in college and uni. Zero. Pretty tidak-apa. Not even joining any Malaysian Association acitivites when I'm in Aust. The only ever "active' thing I do is to Drama 101 and taking up belly-dancing classes (in which is in the evenings and yet I still managed to skip classes because havent wake up!)

Yeap, I was that free and ignorant. Life was nice back then. And I pretty much laze around as much as I can. Cause I know thing will change when I starts working.

And hell, it did.

And now, with life as a student way back behind me, its now time for office politics. Almost as if the naive feeling is lost.

But then again, once in a while, I'll look at my friends and wander what life could be if I were to continue studying? Almost as if I am wishing for a body double and I feel I cannot leave my job, but yet, still want to study.

But why do I want to continue studying again? When the rate of interest never interest me in the first place (I major in Finance). They could never teach you about Covering your Backside 101, or Different ways to serve dead cat, and even Office Politics survival skills. In fact, I think the best way to teach us survival skills during college is to announce the change of exam questions half and hour before times up. Now, that is better.

Yeap, those are the things that keeps me going now. And I remembered thinking, life in college now will be boring, especially when my friends is now all working, and those people still in college wont understand working life. Generation gap, perhaps?

Gosh, I am old.

16/03/2007

So it is true…

It is true that when you are happy, everything just falls into place.

Even when there are crisis, you will be able to handle it calmly.

When there are changes, you will be able to take it with stride.

And take it all with a smile, and almost a chuckle.

I've been feeling like that since two weeks ago. Everything is just perfect, happy and smooth.

And I know why. *blush*

And being the pessimist that I am, I wander if things is gonna turn for the worst soon enough?

10/03/2007

I’ve been busy.

And it has been awhile since I’m this busy.

Just a quick update to say that I finally understand what it means when they say that women are generally “jin”.

For a few days, I’ve been trying to figure out the english-equavalent to the word “jin”.

Evil? Too mind.
Wicked? Not enough.
Bitch? Maybe…

Women want what they don’t have.
Yet, when they got it, they reject it.

Life is good… :)

3/03/2007

Mula-mula semua pun tak layan I.

Sekarang, semua punya cakap I’m under them.

Wah, you win lor. All push responsibility to me.

I ask you all to help me, say duwan, not your full responsibility.

I do things slow slow or fast fast, nobody cared.

Now, everyone also say I reporting to them. Everyone also say they want me to do things their way.

No conference no need to look for me lah.

When conference only come look for me say want this, want that.

Ask how come I never do this, never do that.

Harlow, if you know I’m suppose to do this for you, do that for you, how come never rush me for it?

Better still, never tell me I’m suppose to do this, do that, now you want to say its my fault?

All also think I only do their own things only.

You win lor!!!

One big fat lie.

I'm now on thin ice now. One wrong move, and it will backfire on me. Too proud too soon will not get you anywhere, you know?

Never believe what the boss promise you. Until it is in black and white. Don't say I don't warn you.

Cause today, I was promised another set of things again.

I almost want to laugh at the uncertainties of things and the regularities of these empty promises.

But then again, I shouldnt complaint.

We'll see if he can redeem himself one final time and proof me wrong.

Lay low.

Happy Birthday Tian Gong (King of Heaven)

Once I reached home, impressive pyrotechnics of fireworks were being let off. So impressive, it lasted for more than 15 minutes.

Is this a sign to say good things to come, or it is to mock me instead?

A Reminder.

I arrived back up the hill yesterday. It was the 4th day of CNY.

It was around 1130pm. I took the lift to go out for supper.

I waited and when the lift door opened, I went in.

Inside the lift, there was an Indian lady, alone. She was sobbing.

I took a glance at her.

“She looks familiar. I think she works here, but I don’t remember her name…”

I smiled a meek smile, not sure whether she is who I think she is, and didn’t feel right to be extra cheerful since she was crying anyway.

As the lift started moving, there were a few seconds of awkward silence as she sobbed.

Suddenly, she blurted out, “Bapa saya sudah meninggal. Accident.”

I was stunned.

I remember going towards her and put my arms around her as she started crying even louder.

Then, the lift door opened. She rushed out and was soon out of sight.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life is fragile and full of unexpected episodes.

I urge all of you to take a moment to appreciate what life has offered you so far. I urge all of you to take a moment to remember all those close to you, and to give thanks for they are still around.

Because, at any point of time, your whole life could change in a spilt second.

Happy Chinese New Year, everyone.

21/02/2007

I've switched room with my brother just before new year. My room used to be bigger, and since I'm not around so much, we've decided to make the switch.

And, yesterday, I finally found time to clear some of the old stuff out.

Messy eh? Its really much worst than this but my camera couldn't fit all.

Again, I found many things that I would have else forgotten about. Things like my video cam that I used a lot back when I was studying in Aus, my first skin swatch, an unexpected gift from my ex (and the brand new swatch died few days we broke up, how appropriate), my glow-in-the dark bugs and my Dragonball Trunk's collection, among many things.

Would have thrown away a whole lot more stuff, but it was 3am and after two bagfuls of rubbish, I got too tired and chuck the rest of the things back into the cupboard.

I've always like throwing things out. It feels very refreshing and relaxing to be able to get rid of "old things".

Think I will go start with my "wardrobe cleaning" now.

A promise.

I would like to make a promise.

A promise to those that I see today.

Those whom is closed to my heart.

My dear nanny's family, and two of my dear ex-collegemates.

That I will find time.

Time to see you all this year.

This pig year in 2007.

That in 2007, I will make sure I see each of you at least ONCE before the next CNY get-together.

I promise :)

When you getting married?

Total sleeping hours on CNY eve - 14 hours.

Nothing great in particular the above hours, except the fact that I started sleeping at 3am, woke up at 1pm to the loud banging of the door by my mum at 1pm, lunch, fell back to sleep again at the couch from 2pm. Woke up at 6pm for steamboat dinner.

It is nice to be back home.

And its CNY by now, at 1am. I've somewhat missed the festivity feeling during Christmas, much to my disappointment, and I hope that I get to truly enjoy CNY this time around. Despite all the cheesiness, i LOVE the songs being played at malls, LOVE the bold & tacky decorations, and LOVE the reason to eat, drink, gamble and be merry.

However, many friends, and indeed, many articles in newspaper & magazines has express their dislikes over festive seasons like CNY. Times like this opens up opportunity for family gathering, and hence, the mandatory "Are you attached?" or "When are you getting married?".

I suppose, I shouldnt be the one complaining about this since I'm already attached. And I havent been particularly worried about questions like these as I'm still considered young and also there were a few more older cousins who are still young and single for them to harass.

But will this year be different? I'm turning 26, this 26th Feb. A cousin (who has endured harassment during each family gathering), has finally managed to register her marriage with her partner. That leaves only another cousin left (but she handled herself quite well, and she's known for her happy-go-lucky attitude, though I really doubt how much of that she can take). She is over 30 years old, but I think the family members may have gone tired harassing her.

Which makes me just a tad worried this year. Next in line (singles), is my cousin brother (1 year older). He's attached with a nice girl already, and I havent heard anything complaints to them yet (cause most of the harassing goes to his sister - the one who recently got married as mentioned above). So, perhaps, he'll feel it from now on. So, since he and me are the same age group (meaning - working & marriagable age), i think we'll be the target from this year on. Since, cousins younger than me are all still studying.

I guess, its easier to take in these questions cause I'm already attached. Think I am not in the position to say how difficult & embarassing it is for them to ask questions about your wellbeing when you really are happy with your life but your relatives thinks otherwise. I guess, deep down in their heart, they mean well (i'd certainly like to think so!), and I guess its just a common topic of conversation for each reunion.

I mean, even I ask the question "Dah kahwin?" to long lost friends whom I bumped into in malls or even MSN. Well, I'm not married, but I guess, sooner or later, we wander about it and we might as well get it over and done with so that we could move on. Haha.

But then again, i guess I feel less intrusive for me when I get asked that question. Sure, believe me, even I get frustrated whenever anyone brings up the topic of marriage. I think I've said it many times before this.

The point is, sometimes, we just have to tolerate it a bit. In a good way. Cause I strongly believe, what comes around, goes around. As you pester me about getting married, your kids will suffer the same fate as well. The same way you pester me about the seriousness of my relationship, your daughter married someone whom you do not approve of. Hahaha

Okay, bad example, i know. But it did happened.

Chinese New Year is, afterall a happy occasion. Regardless of whether there is enough angpows or not, its the time spent with each other that matters most. It doesnt matter that this particular family member is too loud, or that family member is a useless jerk, bottomline is we're still family.

I guess, in many ways, I am lucky as my family and relatives are on relatively good terms with each other. So, I am really not the right person to talk about this matter.

I'm not one to say that those who despise family gatherings are wrong. I am just reminding myself that I could be worst off.

And my mum just drop hints that I should be giving them (the parents) angpow since I'm stable in my income liao.

Damn.

17/02/2007

I am back. Finally. Its now 3am, i'm tired and sleepy, but I like staying up late when i'm back. Almost as if making up for lost time.

Been having this nagging feeling on wanting to buy new shoes. And I've went shopping a few times ready to spend money and literally waving my credit card around the shop.

However, no shoes seems to be worth the consideration.

So, after dinner today, i dragged my mum out to the neighbourhood shopping mall to buy new shoes. New year must have new shoes, you know!??

Anyway, the mall only have FIVE shops selling shoes. The first and second one wasnt very nice. Both had a branch up in Genting, so, I knew their range. Third shop offer some glimmer of hope but it was quickly dashed before I can reach for my purse. The shoes that I wanted, they ran out of size. Fourth one was just a 'layan' factor cause its BATA, and I wanted trendy and killer heels shoes, not comfortable shoes.

Now, the fifth one is the smallest of all. So small, they only have like what, less 50 shoes in display? And guess how many pairs I end up with?

Bloody FIVE pairs!!!

Quite a range really, a pair of gold slippers, another pair of 2 inch sandals, purple wood platforms, bronze 3 inch and a blue stilettos.

The thing is, I didnt buy those shoes because I like them. Its more like "Okay, what else you have? Is this size 5? I'll try it on... Hmm, looks nice, okay, this one too!"

Total damage? Not as bad as I expected it to be. Like the height of the shoes, the price range is quite wide as well, from RM28 to RM108. Looking at the shoes now, I'd say I'll probably wont consider buying them if they were on display in a normal shoe shop, but gosh, I just LOVE buying on impulse.

And, also, I am not an adventurous person really. I usually stick to the usual designs. And today's purchase is all about those designs that I see others wear and promised myself to get a similar one but never seems to be able to get.

So, not too bad after all. Hahaha

Now, lets see total CNY purchases:

4 Dresses, 7 tops, 2 pair of pants, 5 pairs of shoes and 5 pair of earrings.

No bags. Saw a cute pink sequinned bag, but it was RM99. Would have bought it also but didnt cause my hands were full with the shopping bags as I waited for my mum to get something.

Oh well, I still have tomorrow :P

**Would have put up pictures, but my phone merajuk with the PC today, refuse to transfer pictures.

Hepi Niu Yer!

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17th - 21st Feb, 25th - 27th Feb off.

Humility

Humility:

Humility is a quality or characteristic ascribed to a person who is considered to be humble. A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest: someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.

And someone has none.

13/02/2007

The light at the end of the tunnel is finally here.

Is it not?

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Anyone celebrating out there? Both of us will be working, so I doubt there will be anything much. We're (or rather, he is!) planning something next weekend, so I guess it'll make up for it.

As I listen to friends' weddings & children, I feel a sad tug at the heart.

I dont know why. I am genuinely happy for my friends, but at the same time, I am also happy with how my relationship is going. Despite the fact that we're yet to be married, I like how things are going. So, how come?

I know I may contradict myself with the above statement, but I guess again and again, I reminded myself that things could have turned out worst. Just recently I heard news about a young couple who is on the verge of divorcing. Suprising news really, considering the fact that both of them are good looking and also has a young beautiful daughter with the longest eyelash I've ever seen. Sad really, when news like this comes up.

Yea, I'd rather the way things are going instead of rushing towards something that both of us could yet to afford. I really don't know how we're gonna cope when we're back in KL, really, considering the non-existing cost of living up here.

We'll figured out, somehow, cause someone said, "Life is like that. Somehow or rather, things will always work out. Its our survival instinct afterall."

Yea, I guess each couple's circumstances is different. What is best for one is not necessary the best for the other. If "I wish I am her...", then I wont be me right?

Anyway, that tug at heart was for something else. It always happen. Which is the reason why this blog happens anyway.

Just talking crap.

One day at a time.

Happy Valentine's Day, babe.

05/02/2007

My horoscope for the day in Friendster reads:

Life is not completely fair or equal. Don't get bogged down in nickels and dimes.

How interesting.

So, are you telling me you are not gonna kill him!?!

In exchange for a wish come true...

Ridiculous. Idiotic. Crap. Tired. Murder. Why. Confused. Tired. Insufficient. Lacking. Unsatisfied. Bored. Irritated. Godzilla.

As I pray every night for a certain person to die, I wander what I give up in return for the favour? Obviously it has to be something of significant and difficult to make it worth while.

Shave my head bald? - not a good idea, cause still need to work
Wear only dark clothings to signify mourning? - but this cant be, if he really is dead, I should be celebrating!
Shave my eyebrow? - oh well, it just makes drawing it everyday mor difficult, but that's the point right?
Give away my savings to charity? - hit me where it hurts most, ouch!
Go vegetarian for 6 months?

Looks like going vegetarian would be a good idea. But for 6 months? I've KK, Bangkok, Chiangmai and maybe Redang planned for year 2007, how am I gonna manage?!

But for the sake of showing my sincerity and to make my wish come true, maybe this is what I need to commit on. It needs to be something that will really makes me suffer...

Okay, if he dies (pls pls pls!!!), I'll:
1) Swear off pork for 6 months
2) Be on a vegetarian diet for 2 days each week (6 months also)

And to really show my sincerity,...
3) Donate RM2k to charity O_o (I cannot believe I just commit to that!)

Well, I can't be vegetarian all of the sudden, cause family & frens will suspect and I'll have a hard time explaining why I've suddenly turn vegetarian (who knows, maybe the authorities will suspect me instead!).

But of course, I'll only start doing these AFTER the wish came true lah. No point starving myself if he's still around to make me miserable right?!

So, if he DID die and I broke my commitment above, he'll be back up from the dead. How's that?

So yea, the above (1) and (2) if he dies.

Oh yea, and (3) too. So to the people who needs my RM2k, better pray with me!

Please...

P/S: Point (1) and (2) will be extended to one WHOLE year if he is dead before my birthday this year.

Kuala Lumpur

A dear friend of mine came down to KL over the weekend with some friends. They are from Singapore, and I managed to catch them on Saturday despite their hectic schedule :P

When I'm in Singapore, I told them that despite the fact that both Malaysia & Singapore are very similar, I feel like an outsider when I'm down in Singapore. I dont know why, or perhaps its all just in my head, I feel different, from the way I talk, walk and dress. Fortunately, when these guys are here in KL, I think they blend in well. Or at least, I dont feel intimidated or anything. Hehe

So, for the first time, I asked them, as Singaporean, what they feel when they are down in KL. And I like to share two particular points that they mentioned:

1) KL are different than Singapore in terms of infrastructure. They note that it is fascinating to see amist of a row of old shoplots, there is a huge tall modern building sandwiched between it.

Which is quite interesting, cause I've been down to Singapore and Brisbane, and usually in a city, all the new buildings are new and structured. But here in KL, its like rojak, and I mean it in a good way. I've never noticed it before, but when they mentioned it, it is unique to see that blend in KL's building, the old and the new, both combined together in its own unique way. Something I believe we all take for granted, something that we KLites see everyday and dont really give a second thought to it, but to someone who is new here, would find it fascinating. Interesting indeed.

2) We later had dinner (or rather, I had dinner!) at Tmn Midah's pasar malam. Apparently, in Singapore, there is no "mobile steamboat" and colourful and dazzling(!!) bras and panties are not sold cheaply and openly there!

It seems that pasar malams in Singapore floats around their neighbourhood. Instead of a weekly affair (unlike us where the pasar malam are open on fixed places each day of the week), it sort of floats around (i stand corrected!) the neighbourhood for a few weeks before ALL of the stalls moved to another location where they will be operating for another few weeks. So, this goes on and on. The only disadvantage I see is that its sort of difficult to gauge where the pasar malam is going to be. And while they do serve tidbits and food in their pasar malam, its food variety is not as much as us, where we literally can get our dinner there.

And they dont have mobile steamboat, a white van that carries the usual steamboat stuff in a satay stick and then you just dip it into a hot boiling soup and voila, its cooked and you can eat it, standing up. Its one of my favourites really, when I go pasar malam. Perhaps with all the sauce dripping and the mess, that is why they dont have it down in Sing? :P

And RM10 for 3 fire-engine-red bras being sold openly is not found in Singapore pasar malam too!

All in all, its quite interesting for me. Indeed, I enjoyed being able to share these unique KL experience with them. It helps me see things that we sometimes take for granted. Suddenly, I am able to understand what it means when they say "a vibrant place full of culture and customs". Wah, kembang liao.

I guess, many a times, it takes outsiders to remind us of the good things we have and enjoyed.

04/02/2007

You know that I will write about it, don't you?

I'm confused, but perhaps, somethings are better off left unsaid?

I'm back home for another weekend. I'm mentally exhausted. I'm just glad to be home.

After this weekend, I'll have to take two more weeks of shit before getting CNY off. And even that festive offdays also got its own controvesial.

I'm just taking it one day at a time.

P/S: the nice stranger I talked about the last time? She DID call me up two days later, and i DID meet up with her. Strangely again, it turns out nice and we talked for a while without her trying to sell me anything. Turns out she is few years older than me with kids! O_o

We are arranging to meet up again, if time allows. Think if she really wants to sell me anything this time around, I'll probably be more willing to listen.

Note to all you sales people, this is how it should be done!

24/1/2007

I feel numb.

The fact that I'm busy with work is one thing, and the fact that I am keeping busy with work is another thing.

And see, just as I predicted, usually when I'm up hill, i usually lose the interest to write.

Days up hill is really about surviving and living it day-by-day.

Just wrote two paragraphs about work, and all I see is complaints. Really, all I ever write up here is complaints.

I still strongly believe in NOT leaving your job because of a difficult boss, but now, I recommend anyone to leave when they are stuck in a lousy SYSTEM.

Gosh, I really look forward to the day when I am back up here as a customer.

On a lighter note, I've removed my hardisk from my now RIP laptop. I've got ALL my music back, but I cant retrieve my pictures.

Someone please tell me that the pictures are just hidden in the disk and it only takes a genius to figure out a way to extract them... please!?!