Humility

Humility:

Humility is a quality or characteristic ascribed to a person who is considered to be humble. A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest: someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.

And someone has none.

13/02/2007

The light at the end of the tunnel is finally here.

Is it not?

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Anyone celebrating out there? Both of us will be working, so I doubt there will be anything much. We're (or rather, he is!) planning something next weekend, so I guess it'll make up for it.

As I listen to friends' weddings & children, I feel a sad tug at the heart.

I dont know why. I am genuinely happy for my friends, but at the same time, I am also happy with how my relationship is going. Despite the fact that we're yet to be married, I like how things are going. So, how come?

I know I may contradict myself with the above statement, but I guess again and again, I reminded myself that things could have turned out worst. Just recently I heard news about a young couple who is on the verge of divorcing. Suprising news really, considering the fact that both of them are good looking and also has a young beautiful daughter with the longest eyelash I've ever seen. Sad really, when news like this comes up.

Yea, I'd rather the way things are going instead of rushing towards something that both of us could yet to afford. I really don't know how we're gonna cope when we're back in KL, really, considering the non-existing cost of living up here.

We'll figured out, somehow, cause someone said, "Life is like that. Somehow or rather, things will always work out. Its our survival instinct afterall."

Yea, I guess each couple's circumstances is different. What is best for one is not necessary the best for the other. If "I wish I am her...", then I wont be me right?

Anyway, that tug at heart was for something else. It always happen. Which is the reason why this blog happens anyway.

Just talking crap.

One day at a time.

Happy Valentine's Day, babe.

05/02/2007

My horoscope for the day in Friendster reads:

Life is not completely fair or equal. Don't get bogged down in nickels and dimes.

How interesting.

So, are you telling me you are not gonna kill him!?!

In exchange for a wish come true...

Ridiculous. Idiotic. Crap. Tired. Murder. Why. Confused. Tired. Insufficient. Lacking. Unsatisfied. Bored. Irritated. Godzilla.

As I pray every night for a certain person to die, I wander what I give up in return for the favour? Obviously it has to be something of significant and difficult to make it worth while.

Shave my head bald? - not a good idea, cause still need to work
Wear only dark clothings to signify mourning? - but this cant be, if he really is dead, I should be celebrating!
Shave my eyebrow? - oh well, it just makes drawing it everyday mor difficult, but that's the point right?
Give away my savings to charity? - hit me where it hurts most, ouch!
Go vegetarian for 6 months?

Looks like going vegetarian would be a good idea. But for 6 months? I've KK, Bangkok, Chiangmai and maybe Redang planned for year 2007, how am I gonna manage?!

But for the sake of showing my sincerity and to make my wish come true, maybe this is what I need to commit on. It needs to be something that will really makes me suffer...

Okay, if he dies (pls pls pls!!!), I'll:
1) Swear off pork for 6 months
2) Be on a vegetarian diet for 2 days each week (6 months also)

And to really show my sincerity,...
3) Donate RM2k to charity O_o (I cannot believe I just commit to that!)

Well, I can't be vegetarian all of the sudden, cause family & frens will suspect and I'll have a hard time explaining why I've suddenly turn vegetarian (who knows, maybe the authorities will suspect me instead!).

But of course, I'll only start doing these AFTER the wish came true lah. No point starving myself if he's still around to make me miserable right?!

So, if he DID die and I broke my commitment above, he'll be back up from the dead. How's that?

So yea, the above (1) and (2) if he dies.

Oh yea, and (3) too. So to the people who needs my RM2k, better pray with me!

Please...

P/S: Point (1) and (2) will be extended to one WHOLE year if he is dead before my birthday this year.

Kuala Lumpur

A dear friend of mine came down to KL over the weekend with some friends. They are from Singapore, and I managed to catch them on Saturday despite their hectic schedule :P

When I'm in Singapore, I told them that despite the fact that both Malaysia & Singapore are very similar, I feel like an outsider when I'm down in Singapore. I dont know why, or perhaps its all just in my head, I feel different, from the way I talk, walk and dress. Fortunately, when these guys are here in KL, I think they blend in well. Or at least, I dont feel intimidated or anything. Hehe

So, for the first time, I asked them, as Singaporean, what they feel when they are down in KL. And I like to share two particular points that they mentioned:

1) KL are different than Singapore in terms of infrastructure. They note that it is fascinating to see amist of a row of old shoplots, there is a huge tall modern building sandwiched between it.

Which is quite interesting, cause I've been down to Singapore and Brisbane, and usually in a city, all the new buildings are new and structured. But here in KL, its like rojak, and I mean it in a good way. I've never noticed it before, but when they mentioned it, it is unique to see that blend in KL's building, the old and the new, both combined together in its own unique way. Something I believe we all take for granted, something that we KLites see everyday and dont really give a second thought to it, but to someone who is new here, would find it fascinating. Interesting indeed.

2) We later had dinner (or rather, I had dinner!) at Tmn Midah's pasar malam. Apparently, in Singapore, there is no "mobile steamboat" and colourful and dazzling(!!) bras and panties are not sold cheaply and openly there!

It seems that pasar malams in Singapore floats around their neighbourhood. Instead of a weekly affair (unlike us where the pasar malam are open on fixed places each day of the week), it sort of floats around (i stand corrected!) the neighbourhood for a few weeks before ALL of the stalls moved to another location where they will be operating for another few weeks. So, this goes on and on. The only disadvantage I see is that its sort of difficult to gauge where the pasar malam is going to be. And while they do serve tidbits and food in their pasar malam, its food variety is not as much as us, where we literally can get our dinner there.

And they dont have mobile steamboat, a white van that carries the usual steamboat stuff in a satay stick and then you just dip it into a hot boiling soup and voila, its cooked and you can eat it, standing up. Its one of my favourites really, when I go pasar malam. Perhaps with all the sauce dripping and the mess, that is why they dont have it down in Sing? :P

And RM10 for 3 fire-engine-red bras being sold openly is not found in Singapore pasar malam too!

All in all, its quite interesting for me. Indeed, I enjoyed being able to share these unique KL experience with them. It helps me see things that we sometimes take for granted. Suddenly, I am able to understand what it means when they say "a vibrant place full of culture and customs". Wah, kembang liao.

I guess, many a times, it takes outsiders to remind us of the good things we have and enjoyed.

04/02/2007

You know that I will write about it, don't you?

I'm confused, but perhaps, somethings are better off left unsaid?

I'm back home for another weekend. I'm mentally exhausted. I'm just glad to be home.

After this weekend, I'll have to take two more weeks of shit before getting CNY off. And even that festive offdays also got its own controvesial.

I'm just taking it one day at a time.

P/S: the nice stranger I talked about the last time? She DID call me up two days later, and i DID meet up with her. Strangely again, it turns out nice and we talked for a while without her trying to sell me anything. Turns out she is few years older than me with kids! O_o

We are arranging to meet up again, if time allows. Think if she really wants to sell me anything this time around, I'll probably be more willing to listen.

Note to all you sales people, this is how it should be done!

24/1/2007

I feel numb.

The fact that I'm busy with work is one thing, and the fact that I am keeping busy with work is another thing.

And see, just as I predicted, usually when I'm up hill, i usually lose the interest to write.

Days up hill is really about surviving and living it day-by-day.

Just wrote two paragraphs about work, and all I see is complaints. Really, all I ever write up here is complaints.

I still strongly believe in NOT leaving your job because of a difficult boss, but now, I recommend anyone to leave when they are stuck in a lousy SYSTEM.

Gosh, I really look forward to the day when I am back up here as a customer.

On a lighter note, I've removed my hardisk from my now RIP laptop. I've got ALL my music back, but I cant retrieve my pictures.

Someone please tell me that the pictures are just hidden in the disk and it only takes a genius to figure out a way to extract them... please!?!

23/1/2007

Again, after three offdays, I am greeted by the most outrageous defamation email one could get from Stonehead…

It is now 1030 am and I am told that both of you are not in yet.

Of course I am not in the office, CAUSE I AM ON LEAVE, YOU IDIOT!

Guess who took my copy of leave application form and forgot to update into Stonehead schedule?
Guess who also took 4 days leave without informing and updating Stonehead’s schedule?
Guess who sits besides me?

I feel extremely victimised now.

Believe me, you would feel the same if you had seen the rest of the email and the list of the email recipients.

‘…Somehow, people down there is so demotivated and just wont do anything more…”

Wander why…!?!

Talk about the root of ALL problems…

Being thankful vs. Denial

2nd day into my offday.

Spent the whole day watching tv and recuperating from a day-long shopping yesterday. And also to take my mind off on my credit card bills.

And to imagine i just cleared it in Dec, dumping a good 5k into it to zerorise it and now its back up to 2k already! Damn AirAsia!

Its been good. Got a few things up in my mind. Cant help but to think perhaps only when i'm back in kl do I have the time and peace to think about all these things.

And yesterday, I got a suprising news from a very distant cousin who got married just days ago! And what suprised me even more is my reaction to it. I was very happy for him, and at the same time, I didnt get depressed after I hear the news! Which is a change really, considering the fact that I usually get very worked up everytime I hear people getting married.

There were some issues that I managed to talk it out with my mum yesterday. And I guess it was good as it made me feel a lot better. And I guess thinking back, to be thankful and be grateful for what I have brings me back to reality.

Oh well, I dont know how long this feeling will last. I cant seemed to tell the difference between being grateful/thankful and being in denial. I get very confused over this fact many times. On days that I'm thankful for things helps me looked on the brighter sides of depressing days. But sometimes when I'm down again, I realized that it was there all along and while I am okay living and thinking positively about it, I'm back to feeling sad.

That is why I'm trying to figure out what is the difference between these two things? I dont like living in denial, and sometimes, I'd rather feel the pain than to push it away. And I know I do that, I push the negative things away. But pushing the negative things away is just gonna make it bounce back harder you know?

Like a pendulum, I mentioned earlier. I just swirl back and forth over things.

I know I sound very depressed, but I'm not. I guess I just have time to say these things out when I'm away from the hill.

And perhaps will have more time to think about these things with the mobility of a laptop???

Hehehe...

Pendulum

Except for factors that we cannot control (such as miserable bosses), I am happy.

I am happy at how things are going. Of course there are ups and downs, but isnt that what life is all about?

We are humans afterall, and for those who says "I absolutely agree" to the statement "I am never envious of anyone", they are lying (it is a statement from a pychometric test).

Like I said many times, being perfect is a defect itself. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side.

Someone told me recession is gonna hit 2008. And that throws my plan completely out of whack.

And I meet a nice stranger whom I exchanged number with. The first time I did that was years ago when she turned out to be a direct selling person who was just soliciting contacts. And I still remember being disappointed and that is when I lost hope at genuine friendship. Someone once told me, every friendship is a business opportunity. It saddens me. And makes me wander if this second encounter with this situation will be the same. I am sure to hear from her in the matter of days asking when to go out yamcha.

Why am I feeling so defensive and disappointed out of the sudden? That the sudden act of concern and care would have an interior motive? Or perhaps I am not used to this act of friendliness that I immediately brand it as something fishy?

I would be one to admit that I sucks at keeping in touch. And I hate it when friends who does make it look like I'm at wrong. I calls only once in a blue moon, and that also is because I'm probably around your area or I needed help for something. Yea, I know some of you may frown at my actions but at least I am being frank. And no lecture on how I should act like you please.

I'm turning 26 this year. Crap. But I am happier than ever. Yes, there are many uncertainties that still needs to be ironed out, but still, I keep reminding myself that I could be in situations worst that I could be in now. And that makes me grateful. That makes me appreciate what I have. That makes me thankful for how things works out. Screw those people who thinks highly of themselves and make the rest looks horrible just because the rest are not doing what they are doing.

But are they? Perhaps it is just me who keep thinking that the rest of the world is out to get me. To think that they are envious of me but in fact, I am the one envious of them. To think that I am happy but in fact I'm in denial.

I've read somewhere that people like me are like pendulum. We can think both sides of the story. But our minds sways from one extreme to the other so much so that it drives us crazy as we cannot decide which sides we are on. So, times like this I am on the "everything is alright" side. And I am sure by the time I hit the sack, I will be on the "everything is NOT alright" side. And when I'm awake and watching tv, I'll be back on my "everything is alright" side again.

Are there hope for people like me?

On a lighter note, I'm back home for three days after three weeks of work.

I need this. Badly.

5th anniversary

5th of Jan came and went. I still remember that I was particularly busy that day, and it is only on the 6th of Jan morning, did I suddenly realized that the day has past.

Me: I suddenly realized, 5th of Jan is yesterday.

Him: Yea.

Me: I was so busy yesterday that I completely forgot all about it.

Him: Yea.

Me: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Him: I don't know.

I had in mind what I want to do. Now it is just the matter of finding the right time, the right spot and the right location to get it done.

Note to self: Must do before the year ends. Otherwise, it is not valid anymore.

20/1/2007

And its been good.

I'm tired, but I'm back home. And that is all that matters.

:)

15/01/2007

I've been bitten by the AirAsia bug!

1) Kota Kinabalu in June,
2) Bangkok in September, and
3) Chiang Mai in October!

:)

12/01/2007

Just a quick update.

Came back from a two-day course in KL. Stayed in Coronade Hotel, Jln Bukit Bintang. Had a wonderful time! It is so convineant to shop at Sungei Wang right till the shops closed and then dont have to worry about traffic jams cause the hotel is just right opposite! Meet up with a friend who stayed nearby and catch up with her a bit. Training was alright, and now i'm back up at work. Gonna have a difficult week ahead as I'll be alone up here.

:) I'll be alright. I CHOOSE TO BE ALRIGHT!

8/01/2007

It is always not good when I blog when I’m angry…

Why? Because I’ll end up saying things I do not mean to say. But today is really the "cannot tahan' day liao. So here goes…

He ignores you but you still die die also wants him back as a friend.

You ask me to do the one thing I’ve explained many many times why I don’t want to do. And I said, maybe but I will not promise.

And then you show temper and tell me I AM NOT DOING WHAT A FRIEND SHOULD BE DOING?

Wow…

And you, what good is a lavish wedding when you avoids people whom you still owes money?

Somemore dare to say about being matured when you are a coward for not facing your problems.

Both of you, you two win lor.

6/01/2007

I’ve heard of his name before I saw him. And since, I shudder whenever I hear his name.

But today, after much delay, I finally get to talk to him face to face.

And it was everything I expected it to be. Worst case scenario.

Kena, left right centre, straight direct from the Mr Bull.

I think I need at least two days to recuperate…

Excerpt - Life after 512

Dec 28th, 2006

Come 5th January, it would be five years.

What should I do to honour this special day?

Godzilla

If everyone in the office is resigning because of a stupid boss, does it means that they are cowards and cannot handle problems maturely, or is it because it is better to leave to find a happier job?

I’d like to think that it is a challenge to work with these stoneheads, and I should not leave just because I cannot tolerate them. But if it makes you miserable, redundant, unproductive and demotivated, how long can you last?

And if three of your bossess left (Original boss resigned, replaced by another one who subsequently resigned, just to be replaced by a third one who ALSO resigns, all in the span of less than two years), what does this tells you?

If we wake up everyday, praying that there will be a dinasaur appearing and swallowing him whole, does it justifies the sacrifice that we are making?

Where is the bloody Godzilla when you need it?

25/12/2006

I've got not one, but TWO new specs!

On normal days, I'll look like this...

When I'm off work, I morph into this..

Lydia Sum-look-alike!

Me: (looking at the optical shop salesperson) So, do you wear specs?
Him: No, I don't.
Me: Do you wear contact then?
Him: No, I don't wear contact either.
Me: So you dont wear specs/contacts at all but you are selling them?
Him: Yes, but I know enough from customers on their needs and requirements on our products.
Me: -_-" (looking at another salesperson who is wearing specs) Hi, erm, can you help make sure my mum's new specs fits her perfectly?

Would you buy insurance from an insurance agent who doesnt buy any insurance himself?

Merry Christmas

Alright, I've migrated to the new version liao, but being the idiot I am, it'll take me sometime before I can figure out the rest of it...

This year, I am bitten badly by the Christmas bug. And while at home after attending a birthday-cum-christmas party with family and relatives, I couldnt help but think of the lack of Christmas shopping and ambiance this year. Although this is the year that I had spend the most buying presents (in fact, i think this is the first year I really buy anything at all), I'm done with the shopping in less than two hours (very hectic schedule). I suddenly missed being in Metrojaya and wished I was there to listen to the calming christmas songs. I havent had my dose of the commercialized Christmas songs yet!

Then few more days later we will usher in 2007. This year has been an uneventfulyear for me. Thank god that my family is healthy and safe. New year resolution for 2006? I knew I promised to work my buff off, unfortunately, I didn't. But I did manage to hit my target for my savings though. Which gave me a new motivation to do better for year 2007. Have to reconsider some of my priorities, but i think with discipline, I'll be able to match the figure, perhaps doing even better.

Just a short update for now. I'll end with one of my favourite Christmas songs lyrics, singing the song in my head with my eyes closed, wishing I could be where I want to be right now...

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now

P/s I dont know how to post mp3s/videos up. Anyone to teach?