A love story.

How do you talk sense into a friend who is absolutely blinded by love and can no longer tell what is right from wrong?

I am a very practical person. Logic and science makes more sense to be me than feelings and intuition. If logic points to a decision, I will make that decision despite the fact that my heart tells me another way. I am also a person who could sway both ways. I could agree and disagree with something. I can see both the good ad bad side of things. The downfall is sometimes, the information overload confused me and I can no longer see what is right and wrong.

That’s why Pancake tells me that I am task oriented and I don’t think out of the box and Stonehead says I’m like… no, I can’t say that here. Its demeaning and humiliating even for you to read it. I’ve lost respect to him for that.

Well anyway, I’d like to think a good boss will make full use of the employee’s skills instead of forcing them to become what they are not. Forget about the “its for your own good, for your development, etc”. I’ve heard it often enough until it makes no value anymore. The words are just to decorate the hardship you will face. Talk about brainwashing. Stonehead is good at that. But I’ve grown immune to it.

Anyway, back to my friend’s problem. I think his is a classic case of unreciprocated love from another person. The girl is very playful and she got bored with him. She thinks that he is too clingy. Tragedy strikes and my friend thought she needed a shoulder to cry on. However, his action was unappreciated and certainly unwelcome. The more he tried to be a friend, the more the girl avoided him, loathing his constant effort for contact and confusing his offer for support as clingy.

He was baffled by the girl’s lack of interest as he only wants be friends. After all, if they cannot be lovers, they could still be friends right? She means a lot to him and even though he knows she will never be his, he just wants her to be happy and at least still be friends.

He begged me to talk to this girl. To let her know that he cares. All he wanted is to be on talking terms and not to be seen as a nuisance. But what he didn’t know was that the girl and me used to be very close too. He forgot that our friendship dates back years before he got to know her. He didn’t realize that it’s just a game that the two girls play just to entertain themselves. Then one day, we both realized we went too far. Someone will get hurt and it’s too late to amend. We both regretted our decisions and are too ashamed to face each other. Since then, we drifted apart and became distant.

But he, he didn’t know all this. He didn’t understand the circumstances that we became distant. I was very embarrassed by the whole incident and felt guilty towards him. The girl, on the other hand, was trying to avoid him as she knew that he deserve much more than how she treated him.

But he didn’t understand. The more he tries to get closer, the more she retaliates, and the more frustrating I feel. Both persons are my friends. Both of them were at one time, talking to me, complaining about each other, saying things that the other person cannot know. Since then, I made a choice. I made a choice to maintain transparent communication. I feel that I know too much and that the more I know, the longer this will drag on. I choose to talk to only him, to keep me sane.

Since I stopped talking to her, things were a lot better. Well, yes, my friend still laments about her cold shoulder, but at least I only hear one side of the story and I am able to sympathies with him. He still hopes for her friendship and wants me to help, but for his sake, I refused to talk to the girl to explain his side of story. I knew what went wrong and I don’t want to make it worst. It may sound cruel, but it is for the best.

I’m sorry.

P/S: Do you believe in messing with people's mind? Do you believe that his story existed?

Nice songs... (Part 2)

Things are a whole lot more complicated that what you realized...

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
[Chorus x2]

I am sorry for what I have done.

(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all thew things I didn't do for you
Hate me in way, yeah in ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in8your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways har d to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling make it go away,
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

Nice songs...

We cannot stop other people from talking. Freedom of speech, No?

Oh, well imagine,
as I'm pacing the pews
in a church corridor
and I can't help but to hear
No, I can't help but to hear
an exchanging of words
"What a beautiful wedding."
"What a beautiful wedding,"
says a brides maid to a waiter.
"And, yes, but what a shame
what a shame the poor
groomsbride is a whore."
I'd chime in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of
closing the goddamn door? No?"
It's much better to face these kind of things
with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
closing the goddamn door? No?"
It's much better to face these kind of things
with a sense of hope...

Well in fact,
Well I'll look at it this way:
I mean technically our marriage is saved.
Well this calls for
a toast so
Pour the champagne
Oh, Well in fact,
Well I'll look at it this way
I mean technically our marriage is saved.
Well this calls for
a toast so
Pour the champagne.
Pour the champagne.

I'd chime in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of
closing the goddamn door? No?"
It's much better to face these kind of things
with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
closing the goddamn door? No?"
It's much better to face these kind of things
with a sense of poise and rationality.
Again

I chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
closing the goddamn door? No."
It's much better to face these kind of things
with a sense of poise and rationality.
I chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
closing the goddamn door? No?"
It's much better to face these kind of things
with a sense of poise and rationality.
Again

On the other hand, we all have skeletons in our closet, don't we?

Honey why are you calling me so late
It’s kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can’t be too loud

Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It’s funny that you’re calling me tonight
And yes I’ve dreamt of you too
And does he know you’re talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don’t think she has a clue
Well my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those wordsa it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it so hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late

31/10/06

"...You can call but dunwan to call... I wanna call but cant...sigh..."

The irony of life right?

29/10/06

I need to type this out to get it out of my system so that I could continue working.

Stonehead just walked pass by and gave a comment about something. That comment alone gave me a heart attack and I am still feeling the slightly pening-y and weak.

My heart is beating, my head is aching, my hands are shaking and its only 11am. The power he has over me.

On another note, I’ve managed to talk some sense into my friend for the time being. I hope you’ll be able to hold on for as long as you could before another emotion burst again.

When talking to you, you made me remember something. Something that I’ve always wanted to read. Something that I’d wander if it still exist. Something I wish to have. Something long long time ago. A black journal. Will I ever have a chance to read it?

There, I’ve said it all. Back to work!

Terrible week.

I had a week off during the festive season. It was an eventful week indeed.

1) Holiday with family - My family came up to stay at one of the resorts along the hill. Was looking forward to spending time with them. But, the Housekeeping ppl decided to be funny and put a sweet on each of the pillow. So, my bed was infested with ants and creepy crawlies no thanks to the "added touch". So much for good night rest.

2) No Internet - Streamyx also decides to go on a holiday during the festive season. So, despite my effort to bring back work, I couldnt do any. Thanks so much.

3) Friendship crisis - To cut a long story short, it was very exhausting to be involved in other people's problem.

4) A friend's father passed away - Enough said.

5) Ops! Sikap - This year, I made it to the Ops! Sikap statistics for unreported accident. It was raining, it happened on a slope, and the lights were green. Its a classic case of braking unnecessary and causing others behind to bang into each other (i'm one of those behind lor). The kereta kemek a bit, but my ten toes still intact

6) Pure stupidity - In the case of pure stupidity, after getting the car fix, I gostan right into another car's bumper while I was driving OUT of the mechanic's shop. Thus, adding brand new scratches to the car and also confirming the fact that women generally are lousy drivers.

But then again, this was my first time langgar-ing into another car after what, seven years of driving?? Then perhaps I was still in shock from the accident that makes me forget to check the car's alignment while reversing. Yea yea, excuses eh?

And all this while, I was broke, cashless and still had a long list of groceries to buy.

But two good things happened though. One, I managed to spend time talking to my mum and catching up with her. And the highlight of the week is of course going out with Nic to shop, watch movie and catch up. The movie, The Prestige was really really good, and I really enjoyed shopping and talking to her. Really helped me take my mind off things. She is one heck of a lucky girl (you know what I am talking about! haha) and we should start planning for our next trip. Hehe

Tomorrow I need to collect my report from the doctor. At the rate of things are going, I am preparing myself for the worst. This is not one of the best weeks.

Holiday definately not enough.

25 cents

Memperkenalkan aku punya “Dua puluh lima sen”…



Remember the advertisement on TV many years ago about a drunk driver hitting a young boy in a residential area?

Dead boy’s mum :*rushes to his side* KEVIN, KEVIN AH, KEEVIN..!!!
Nurse : Boy boy, can you hear me boy…???
Drunk Driver : *sob* *sob*

All good things must come to an end...

Its a good day. Been looking forward to today's dinner as a bunch of my college friends get together. Its been years since I've seen some of them.

Good to catch up and reminds me of how I miss their company :) Must meet up again okay???


This is a view of a fun fair I went a few days ago.

Its been years since I went to one.

And this is the first time since I won anything!

Usually, I don't play at any of the game booths. And I still don't, because I usually suck at the games and don't really win anything except to walk away and look longingly at those toys.

But this time, I walk away with not one, but TWO toys!! Hahaha, okay, so its not the huge ones, but at least I didnt walk away empty handed! Hehe, yeap, as I am as easily provoked, I am also very easy to please.

Its been a great week this week, a fantastic day today and tomorrow will be a relaxing birthday celebration for my cousin.

But all good things must come to an end right? And next week will be a bad one...

11/10/2006

I am very easily provoked.

The more you put force on me, the more I will rebel.

Especially if you are the kind of people who wants the “power” and go around being an asshole, I will be very easily angered.

And to think he actually told me about earning respect, support boss, learning curve…

KEPALA HOTAK YOU!

In fact, a couple of times I told him off by saying, “I should have recorded everthing you told me and replayed it back to you for you to listen instead!”

Talk about eating your own words…

10/10/2006

I’ve been busy.
And it’s a good thing cause it’s been a while since I am busy.

I like organizing and arranging events. The logistics and the urgency of things keep my mind busy although it mentally tires me. It is easy to see the satisfaction when a prog/event runs smoothly.

But when it was made complicated not due to factors, but by one person, it gets irritating. There is absolutely NO pleasing him. AT ALL. The fact that he changes his mind CONSTANTLY is not the problem. It is when he blames you for the change, THAT is a problem.

I’d like to think that he is purposely out there to make our life miserable, and it is his personal agenda to see us fail. His happiness is measured on our miserable-ness.

And I have to take it as a challenge to make it work.

And that is very tiring indeed.

On another note, there’s this nagging feeling that’s been with me for the past few days. Something or perhaps, many things are wrong, but somehow, I don’t know what it is or how to correct it.

Something just snapped weeks ago. There is so much anger inside me. Yet I have no means to get rid of it. I felt different somehow. Example, out of the sudden I can talk to an audience without fidgeting and rehearsing what I was about to say.
Perhaps it’s the fact that I was busy with the rest of the things happening that I don’t have time to be scared. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve taken so much bullshit from him that nothing else seems difficult anymore. Or it is the nearing of 2 yrs of working here and only one more year to go.

Things that happen past weeks? The big slap, the luncheons-that-nobody-really-wants-to-attend, the presentation, the trainings, the foreign trainers, the kosong-s, the patch, the trip and the candles.

And then, this morning already two things happened, the accidental findings on an unlikely alliance and the scandalous email that causes uproar in the hierarchy.

Yeap. I am definitely learning.

I had another dream...

This time around, I was in a kitchen...

Kitchen

To dream of a kitchen, denotes you will be forced to meet emergencies which will depress your spirits.

And in the kitchen, I was the person who cleans and wash...

Washer Woman
For a woman to dream that she is a washer woman, denotes that she will throw decorum aside in her persistent effort to hold the illegal favor of men.

And I was at the sink cleaning...

Cleaning
Dreaming that you are cleaning, implies that you are removing some negativity in your life and overcoming major obstacles. You are moving ahead toward a new stage in your life.

And I was cleaning the dishes...

Cleaning an object
Dreaming that you are cleaning an object, represents an aspect of yourself that is not working or functioning as well as it should.

Then I got bored. And I decided to kiss instead...

Kiss
Dreaming of a kiss indicates love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment.

I was kissing this one guy...

Kissing a person the opposite sex
If the dream ends just about you are about to kiss someone indicates that you are unsure of how he or she really feels about you. You are looking for some sort of relationship with this person but you are not sure about how to go about achieving it.

But I don't remember who he is...

Kissing a stranger
If you are kissed by a stranger, then your dream is one of self-discovery. You need to get more acquainted with some aspect of yourself.

Then I suddenly thought of him...

Infidelity

To dream of infidelity (either by you or someone else), forewarns of your actions with the opposite sex or you will suffer dire consequences. You are harboring guilt over past relationships.

I stopped short. And I realized that the room has a lot of windows...

Window

To see windows in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight.

I looked out and saw the clear bright sky...

Looking out a window

To dream that you are looking out the window, signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness, and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life.

And then I woke up.

So much of intepretation of dreams eh? This is the first time I had this dream, not the recurring ones. Not the dinasours. One-off dreams usually don't bothers me as much. But its just that sometimes its so vivid that I am often left confused.

I am a true believer that all our dreams is our subconcious mind and in its twisted ways, it all means something...

Five things about me.

Five things about me that sometimes I myself still don't believe...

1) Ballet dancer
Yea, long long time ago I was taking ballet lessons. Don’t get me wrong, but I hated those lessons. Not only were the classes inconvineatly on Saturdays AND Sundays (thus filling up my weekends and everything pretty much revolves around it), I also hated the lessons. I just don’t see the reason to learn and dance the same bloody thing whole year around just to dance the same thing on exams. To me, it was rigid and I didn’t see anything good out of it (I wasn’t considering a career in it thus it lagi doesn’t make sense to me…).

The last straw? Its when they decides to fail me in my Grade 6 exams. And the reason is? Oh no, not because I wasn’t not dancing good, but apparently its because of this stupid muscle on my knee (of ALL places) that I didn’t flex (and I here make clear that I didn’t know that I was supposed to flex as non of the teachers told me about it, heck, I wandered if they knew that something is wrong with me in the first place!)

So, yeap, I was already hating my leassons and with the result, I told my mum (she knew I didn’t like it anymore long time but still want me to go) that this is just the best reason for me to quit and not waste anymore money on this. And so, I packed my ballet shoes (the ones that have hard toes and hurts like hell and I don’t remember what its called), went to the school, gave them the shoes and told them, “I quit. I am donating these shoes.”

Sigh. Life improves since then. I gain weight the moment I stopped dancing. I presevered and this is what I get.

2) Music teacher
My first and longest part time job. I was still in college, I was learning organ and I was in Grade 6 (I think!). My music school opened another branch nearby and my teacher asked if I’ve be interested to teach. It all started when I substituted her classes one or twice and then I became a part time teacher myself. My first student is this cute guy who wants to learn keyboard. Damn cute wan! Then there was this old lady, a couple of teenagers and many kids. In particular, a lesson with this super adorable kid, where once I scolded him for being naughty and he packed his bag to leave!!! Panicked, I offered him stickers to calm him down. Hehe Teaching kids were easy, just loads of songs, music, clapping, singing, stickers and colour pencils.

I taught for a year. My highest income at one point of time hit RM1k, and I am only working a few hours each Sat and Sun. Imagine the money I could make if I go full time. Unfortunately, I stopped my classes and quit my lessons when I went over to Aust to continue studying. I never managed to continue my lessons when I returned.

And my organ in my house is collecting dust.

2) Dim Sum girl

My only part time job in Aust. I was a dim sum girl at a chinese restaurant in Chinatown. I worked a couple of hours about 2-3 days a week in the morning. Good experience, my only experience in F&B. We had fun! I couldn’t read the chinese words to diferentiate the different types of teas, so I couldn’t serve and take orders. I cleared tables and pushed the dim sum cart around lor.

Memorable incidents includes the constant curi-ing of food in the kitchen to eat, my ten-WHOLE-minute to clear a dirty 10-seater table and of course, the looks on the angmohs face when I introduce them to chicken feet! Hahaha

I didn’t work there long. Only for my 1st semester. After which I decided not to work anymore. And hence the allowance money also dropped. Hehehe Think on an average, I earned around $50 per week or so.

4) Croupier
So, on a more recent timing, I was trained to be a croupier when I was a Management Trainee. Its something that I had wanted to do as part time since I was in school but my parents (naturally) was against it. So, in a simpler sense, its like a dream come true for me lah. It was certainly a good experience, and although I didn’t really work full time on that position, but still, its god enough exposure for me.

I don’t think I could last long if I were to be in this position as a partimer in school. Favourite game to deal? Bacarrat. 3 rows of games and it will be my turn to break. But most interactive game? Pontoon lor… “Sir/Mdm, card/stay/double?” Least favourite game? Roulette, cause its too much use of brain to calculate payment and such an irritating task to sweep the chips and arrange them nicely just to sweep them down again the next minute.

And once, I collected RM70 and payout to customer RM120 worth of chips.

5) RM38,000,000.00
Right. RM38million cold hard cash right in front of me. Eish, RM1million cash in a bank branch safe? Nothing lah…

I still cannot believe it. Thirty eight million of cold hard ringgits right in front of me. All nicely counted, clipped and banded together in rows and rows across the tables. I could feel it, touch it and toss it around. Heck I even did the counting.

RM38 million. Cash. Chinese New Year Eve. When its done, I went out just in time to see the fireworks at 12am. And then I went back to room to sleep.

That was crazy.

Crack of dawn...

Yesterday night after the movie, I remembered...

Contary to what I believe, I actually like being awake in the morning. Especially the time from 5 in the morning right up until 7am.

I remembered back when I was in uni, how I used to stay awake at night and only go to sleep at the crack of dawn when it just about to get bright. There were also times when we hang out and stayed up all night and then have breakfast at Mcdonalds. Think there were also once where we had pancakes as well for breakfast. There were the occational dim sums as well, especially when I was working midnight.

I like being awake at the crack of dawn. I like it being somewhat bright but not as bright as when the sun is up. I enjoyed the peace and quiet. Though I don't enjoy waking up at that time, but I like staying up to enjoy it. I like the dark blue sky as it gets brighter. I like the smell and cool fresh air. I like watching people getting ready for the day, as they opened their shops/stalls, getting into the car, etc. I like how my skin feels (super dry from dehyration and missing a night's sleep), my eyes would be dryer still. Although I would be feeling completely messed up, I missed feeling that.

And the best part about it? When it gets too bright and when everyone is just waking up for the day, I get to go back to sleep to the sound of people getting ready and the chirping of the birds...

22/09/06

I feel like a hypocrite sometimes…

We talked about friends who applied for married quarters after they registered their marriage,
And here I am, wishing I could do the same.

We talked about friends who were very “supportive” of their bosses,
And here I am, where people only reply to my emails after they found out who I report to.

We talked about friends who were eating way too much that is dangerous to their health,
And here I am, eating fried mushrooms, fried chickens, fried pancake, fried noodles and ice-cream sitting on a pavement next to a drain for dinner!

We talked about friends who cannot spend time with us just because they want to be with their other half,
And here I am, spending the whole week after work with him and not any other friends.

Hmm… No, I don’t feel like a hypocrite sometimes. In fact, I am one! :P

Porkchops, anyone?

So, Monday night I went to sleep eagerly anticipating the wonderful view I will see when I wake up in the morning. I was looking forward to the bright sun, blue sky and fantastic view from above.

But this is what I get…

Dull and grey view. What a damper…
Eish, boring betul…

Anyway, the conversation turns to holiday destinations and BALI was discussed.

Me: I’ve never been to BALI, but I think it would be similar to Phuket – lots of cheap sorveniers, beers, angmohs and local women.
Him: Yea, I suppose.
Me: When I was in Phuket, I felt so little as the attention was at the local women and also the transvetite shows..
Him: Yea, I suppose.
Me: I mean, everyone knows that the transvetite’s body is fake and the ladies (to make themselves feel better) would say, “Cheh, fake one what…” but still the guys would still be ogling at them.
Him: Yea, I suppose.
Me: Standing next to the local women and the transvetite makes me feel like a porkchop, you know…
Him: !!??
Me: Hm, okay, so I am not porkchop, but I feel like a bacon. Nice on its own, but compared to marinated beef ribs, lose liao…
Him: Yea, I supose.
Me: WHAT!!?? *Scream, pinch, yell and punch*

Hehe, yea, so I make the last bit up. But you’ll get the idea…

24 MP3s.

This is what I have left of you…

1. Evanescence – My Immortal
2. Avril Lavigne – Don’t Tell Me
3. Christina Aguilera – The Voice Within
4. Evanescence – Bring Me To Life
5. Gwyneth Paltrow & Huey Lewis – Cruising Together
6. Jason Mraz – You & I
7. Kris Dayanti – Menghitung Hari
8. Lionel Richie - I don’t know much but I know I love you
9. Mariah Carey – My All
10. Mariah Carey – Hero
11. Mariah Carey – Butterfly
12. Moulin Rouge Soundtrack – Come What May
13. Simple Plan – Perfect
14. Sarah Mclachlan – In The Arms Of The Angel
15. Sheila on 7 – Berhenti Berharap
16. Silverchair – After All These Years
17. Ten Things I Hate About You Soundtrack – I Want You To Want Me
18. Vonda Shepard – Ally Mcbeal – I Only Want To Be With You
19. Daniel Powter – Bad Day

And 5 Sammi Cheng’s songs.

These are my favorites in your list. I copied them into my pen drive just days before you died on me.

Each and everyone of them remind me of different things. I get so easily absorbed into the songs and wanted so much to be back to the times when I used to listen to them. Almost wishing that the songs never end so that I could still hold on to those memories and times that I am transported back to. I remembered the feeling, I remembered the scenery, I remember the sounds, the lights…

But I tried not to listen to them too often. It drains too much energy away from me. The reality check is too confusing just to relive those moments. In fact, I carry the feeling with me for a while before I could let go. Vivid, they’d say.

A trip down the memory lane, so it seems…

Hypermarts and freedom

I don’t know why, but it definitely has something to do with it…

We went to a hypermart after work yesterday. Initially, after a tensed day at work, we were supposed to have dinner together with friends that night. I wasn’t too keen and was looking forward to get away from the hill and away from it all. We then made plans to go pasar malam, but after thinking about the heat and crowd, I suggested the hypermart instead (aircon, huge space and shopping!).

And so, we had dinner at the restaurant at the hypermarket, and I still was thinking about work. Even right before we step into the hypermart, I am still troubled by it. But as soon as we went it, I quickly forgot about it all. In fact, after a while inside, I suddenly thought about it and wandered aloud, “hey, I forgot about work…”.

It was very therapeutic indeed. After paying for our purchases (we didn’t buy much), I felt relaxed, charged, and ready to face it all.

I don’t know why. Perhaps its because after nearly 2 years working here, I am beginning to feel sick of this place. Or perhaps it’s the fun when looking at things at the grocery store. Or the sense of peace where we can walk and stroll without bumping into a familiar face every 5th person we walk past by. Or it’s just the freedom and joy of being a paying customers that I can appreciated good service and complaint on bad service without feeling guilty because I am not paying for it.

Yea, I think it is. I think I enjoy being a paying customer without having a meal thinking as if I owe it to them for being able to eat at all! And hypermarts are a great place to go cause we both can enjoy browsing through the things together. We can walk around and enjoy the privacy that everyone else deserves without risking our fun being told by other people.

Sigh, the sense of freedom…

11/09/2006

I.NEED.TO.STOP.SHOPPING.

And there is only ONE way I know that will work.

I now pay close to RM7k a year for my insurance premium.

05/09/2006

There's been some major restructuring going on in the organization for the past weeks.

There is nothing much that we can do about the changes. And being an Exec in the big organization, changes in the org only means we have different bosses. But our job functions remains the same. Its only when u are at a higher position, that is where the politics kicks in.

Oh well, I've accepted my position, and I will continue to do what I was told. I will let them do all the fighting and its time for me to "Sit back, relax and enjoy the show".

Pass the popcorn please...

04/09/2006

The previous post is a bit too dark for my liking… Time to talk about some happy things!!

I have been on a cleaning frenzy since the pipe burst in the bathroom. I have cleaned the toilet, scrubbed the bathroom, reorganized my wardrobe, wiped the cupboards, mopped the floor, and most importantly, cleared my room cause they are changing the linoleum in our room!!! We have been hoping to change it since the current one is old and makes the room looks dull. But we didn’t want to clear our stuff cause its too messy. Since the burst pipe incident, its an excuse for us to finally get it done. And so, now our room looks bright, clean, blue and empty!! Excused myself from work for about 2 hours after lunch to go back cause the ppl need the occupant to be in the room. And so now, I am just lepaking in the office for another hour, and then will go back for another (hopefully final) round of cleaning! Then can unload all my stuff back to their place… Gosh, this packing & unpacking makes me dread moving to the new hostel next year!!!

The Mega sale have ended, and my total purchases are 1 bikini, 2 baju kedahs, 2 pairs of shoes, 8 tops, 1 skirt, 1 bag, 2 Starbucks mooncake and a whole lot of lingeries!!! Total amount spent? I don’t dare to count, though I think I spend more than RM800 on lingeries.. :P Now, I am “paying” the price of the shopping spree and looking at my credit card bills. Oh well, I’ll figure something out.

Then hor, 2 months later will be another season of shopping for Christmas and CNY. Damn…