Life after 512

1 year mark.

2009-03-09T07:07:00.003+08:00

Today is the 365th day in London.

Yeap. Last year yesterday we arrived in London on the 9th March 2008.

My lack of updates definately does not match my experience here in London.

And I still remember this.

I know its March and its a bit too late to reflect on 2008 (I'm a person who like to dwell on the past), but hey, who cares!

Anyway, lets do this and see if I've achieve any of these things.

For 2008, I look forward to:
1) groceries shop in the local neighbourhood - Sainsbury shopping on a weekly affair.
2) cook on a regular basis - Des usually does the cooking during weekday while I'll make soup over the weekends.
3) hunt down chinese cooking stuff in Chinatown - Chinese cooking wine! Need I say more?
4) walk down the street and feel like a holiday - I still love taking mini-walks with Des and until now I'll say to him, "I still cant believe we're here!"
5) sit at a park and realize "Hey, I'm here!" - Done that when we were in St James Park
6) lose weight - Unfortunately, still is the same. But I'm trying to change my diet though.
7) watch local tv - Oh very much! BIG BROTHER, and I'm so gonna miss the shows here!!
8) resurrect my camera and take pictures - We ended up buying a new one and it has been good!
9) discover local shops - Yea, mini-walks remember?
10) buy gossip magazines at their original price - This is one thing that I didnt do, only because there are FREE newspaper available everyday!
11) stay on our own (again!) - We've settled somewhat into a routine, though we've both decided that if we ever ended up buying a house with a garden, it will be cemented.
12) shop for clothes and sigh, "They dont have my size. These are too large." - But it is kinda irritating though.
13) shop for clothes and ask, "Do you have these in the smallest size?" - Reality check, I cant fit into the smallest size. So its still a M for me :(
14) reduce the size of my pride - Very much, but I think it still can be much smaller.
15) be a better person - I hope so?

We've got another month to go before flying off. And it will be hectic from now. One more week of work, then two weeks with my family, one week with my ex-boss, one week in ITALY and then its home.

And it does not stop at home. We'll have less than FOUR months to prepare for our wedding, and we'll still have to look for job, car and furnish the house. So that is 6 months of jam packed plans.

Honestly, right now, I'm taking it day-by-day. I have no idea how I will make it, but as long as Des is around, I'll be fine.

I think.

:)

Happy birthday!

2009-02-26T15:44:00.000+08:00

My colleague gave me this for my birthday today! :-)

Selfish thoughts...

2009-02-05T04:17:00.000+08:00

Many times I've reminded myself that life is like that. Hence, i place a lot of importance in self preservation. I do, i really do. Some of you may say i'm selfish, but i think I've been let down too many times to allow myself to be hurt. Pardon me, but my heart in not made of stone. I know what its like to put your heart out, but i'm too logical. I was very young when i made a promise to myself to never cry alone. I forgot what made my cry, but from then on, i made myself dry up tears and swallow back sobs whenever i'm hurt and alone. My tears are only made for an audience. I don't have to explain myself to you, even more, i don't have to explain anything to myself, for i know i'm my worst enemy. But then, isn't that what they say, to keep you enemy closer? Sometimes, i think i'm almost jenkyl and hyde. I've got so much anger in me i scare myself sometimes. But then again, i honestly think that its the anger that has kept me alive and ready to face the world for so long. I've always told myself, that overcoming small obstacles like these is only preparation for big things to come, whatever that is. Today i see a part of myself emerging again after trying to suppress for so long. I don't like it, but i know its the self preservation side that kicks it back alive. The things that we do to keep ourselves safe eh? You probably won't understand, and it'll even be more difficult for you to accept, but i hope you don't judge me. Just like i didn't judge you. Because if you have taken the time and trouble to look properly, you and i are not that different. No matter how much you deny it...

I just realised...

2009-01-21T07:14:00.004+08:00

This is the closest I'll ever get to an occupied Big Brother House.

For.The.Rest.Of.My.Life.

No words can describe my sadness right now.

Bye bye Big Brother...

Kacang

2009-01-18T16:37:00.000+08:00

Apparently, they are called 'Monkey nuts' over here. My boss was eating crap peanuts from M&S, so i decided to show them what real kacang taste like. Bought this Menglembu cap Orang Tua from Chinatown. Product of Malaysia! Luckily, my colleagues like it. Phew!

Jazz and Me. And Happily ever after...

2009-01-13T07:13:00.003+08:00

My Facebook status today reads 'Agnes does not believe in 'Happily ever after'. Thats why she doesn't listen to jazz...'

I dont. I really dont.

I dont believe in being married and living life happily ever after. Neither do I listen to Jazz.

I believe that divorce should always be an option that we choose not to exercise. I dont live my life thinking 'we'll never divorce', or 'we'll always be together'. I think it is very important that we should always be very conscious of the fact that things could go wrong at any point of time.

Hence, we should never take anything for granted. We should all be aware how things goes and should always keep things right.

I know it seems weird how I equates happily ever to jazz. It does, come to think of it. Both gives you thia mushy lovey feeling of content, relaxation and without a care of the world. Or at least until when reality slaps you in the face or when the tape stops playing.

I think I mentioned about the jazz issue sometime back. I knew i mentioned something about it but was too lazy to find the link. Something about loving the jazz feeling but hating the reality check when i stop listening to it.

Almost as if I'm standing on top of a high building admiring the wonderful city lights and enjoying the amazing view and then in a split second having someone to push me off the building. Yeap, that is how i feel about jazz.

I think my 25 cent loves jazz. I've seen his endless collection of jazz albums and I've always love listening to it whenever he plays it in his room. Many times I had wanted to download the albums from him.

In fact, just for the sake of it, I've actually downloaded a couple of christmas jazz albums just to be played over Christmas. Hmm, well, lets just say i didnt even get past the 5th song before we were distracted and end up playing something else. And so, the the jazz album lays 'unlistened' in my drive.

Perhaps, if there is some invention that allows me to listen to jazz non stop for the rest of my life, will I truly understand the meaning of happily ever after. So non-stop jazz=happily ever after. Getiit?

But I know it will never work. This Jazz and me thing. Its just not meant to be.

31/12/2008

2009-01-01T05:20:00.004+08:00

I must be crazy thinking I can close 512 for long :)

Anyway, I was getting a bit paranoid over some stuff that I wrote a little while ago and decide to shut it off for a while to let people forget about it. Dont worry, you probably wont notice it anyway but i just felt uncomfortable.

Anyway, its now the end of 2008. I've loads of idea but not right now I guess.

One way or another, I've always felt that I've seen the very best of fireworks display. I mean, i know there were some fantastic pictures that has been taken, and I seems to appreciate the pictures more than being on site.

I remember there is once that I saw fireworks without Des. And it feels different. Almost indifferent. After that, I lost interest in watching fireworks if he is not there with me.

Yea, I know. I have no life.

But then again, I'm sure with the same amount of people who shake their head saying I put this to myself, there would be just the same amount of people who understands what I'm saying.

All I wanna say...

Lets just say that I would have prefer Des to be with me. But I had a wonderful Christmas, and that is all I can ask for.

2008-11-22T11:41:00.002+08:00

With 2008 almost drawing to the end, we are aware that we need to kick our lazy ass off the couch and put on our thinking caps if we ever want our wedding to materialize in 2009.

However, (I'm sure like any other couple), we have disagreements over how things should be done. The fact that we're half world away from KL doesnt make it any easier either.

Hence, we've decided to try a new concept. We would like to invite you, our friends and family to comment on issues that we find hard to agree on. Depending on the response we get, we're toying with the idea to make our wedding YOUR wedding by posting up numerous mind boggling issues that needs decision making.

But BEFORE we go so far ahead, we would like to set up a few simple questions just to help us with some ideas. Perhaps, if the response is good, we will continue to develop it into something better (for a better word, ADVENTUROUS, in another word, LAZY).

So, lets starts this off by asking you a few simple questions in which we can build the foundation of our wedding plan. Your response will be very much appreciated, and please leave comments on your thoughts about the polls.

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Cheerleading?

2008-11-16T08:08:00.002+08:00

Its things like these that makes me regret not pursuing my dancing class properly when I was a kid.

Gives me goosebumps everytime but yet I can watch it nonstop continuously.

Untitled.

2008-11-06T06:58:00.006+08:00

Des is coming back in an hour's time.

Many thoughts were in my head, yet I dont know how to phase them in groups.

Been taking the bus home for the past few days. Instead of tube+tube, I'm doing bus+tube. I dont know why, but London tube really bores me. I recommend it to anyone who wants to understand the phrase 'surrounded by people but yet feels lonely'. Not like I have a problem with it anyway. But I finds that the fact that it is underground and you cant look outside to let your thoughts wander is what depressed me. After work, I just cant find the energy to force my brain into concentrating in reading a book. Wandering eyes is considered rude. Especially since you're the only one doing it.

I really just want to look outside and see that the world is moving.

Maybe I should walk home tomorrow.

On the other end of my spectrum of thoughts, I'm only capable to taking more than I give. Dont be sorry, neither am I apologetic. Lets just say I'm built this way. Most of the bricks is laid by me anyway.

Like what everyone says, its just purely to protect oneself. Better you than me right?

Life works in the funniest way. I had a short argument with my collegue today, about whether 12 o'clock afternoon should be 12am or 12pm. Life is funny, the argument is not.

Remember one of my favourite phrases?

'Life is not fair. If it is, I'm nothing...'

I'm so going to walk home tomorrow...

28/10/08

2008-10-29T07:30:00.003+08:00

I'm in lala land right now. In my own little world, driving myself crazy with thoughts of the recession, weakening pound and losing job. Not good timing to kacau me right now. Obviously, as always, things are not as bad as I reported, but I'm the queen of drama right???

27/10/08

2008-10-28T07:10:00.002+08:00

I was just reading through some of the old post way back earlier this year and last year and I cried my eyes out.

I'm so glad that 512 managed to capture all these moments. But I do noticed that there were hardly any 'happy' post.

Is it because I was hardly happy? I am aware that 512 captures a significant amount of stressful times in my life. But that is probably because I write better when I'm angry.

Hence, if you're reading this, please dont mistaken that I'm this angry and horrible sad woman. (Well, I probably am some of the times). Its just that most of the happier times I'm either spending it away from the laptop or captured in PITM.

:)

Everything is fine for now. But expect horrible post in the future, as I will be losing my temp job in November and I will drive myself (and Des) up the wall again with my antics of not able to find jobs. I suspect I will be in a 'suitable' mood fuel with enough emotion to write about the updates by then.

Watch out for this space! Take care everyone!

10/10/08

2008-10-11T09:00:00.004+08:00

You know what, I suddenly have flashbacks on life up the hill.

The multi storey escalators. The indoor theme park. The crowded lobby. The conference center. The outdoor theme park. The brightly lit walk way.

How the hell did we managed to spend three years there???

Beautiful

2008-10-11T07:18:00.002+08:00

Remember what I said about cheesy wedding songs?

I think I just about found the perfect cheesy song for the wedding!

Lyrics

Things are fine for now. Will update soon on my thoughts....

Fall Out Boy songs

2008-10-06T05:14:00.005+08:00

Am slowly searching for songs for our wedding and I'm keen to use my favourite songs (as I'm trying to stay away from old cheesy wedding march songs). Sadly, emo-rock songs doesnt seems to go with wedding themes (if you listen to the previously karaoke posts of you-tube links)

Oh well, continueing on the karaoke songs, below are my favourite Fall Out Boy songs.

This Aint a Scene, its an Arms Race - Fall Out Boy

Lyrics

Thanks for the memories - Fall Out Boy

Lyrics

I'm like a lawyer - Fall Out Boy

Lyrics

And how can we forget this?

Sugar we're going down - Fall Out Boy

Lyrics

01/10/08

2008-10-02T05:31:00.002+08:00

I had in my mind this short straight-to-the-point post about my difficulty in sleeping, which slowly manifest itself into a long full blown bottomline-the-real-reason anger that took me quite sometime to settle down before drifting off the sleep.

I'd very much like to blame the cold water but I suspect the medication could have something to do with it.

I'm in my indecisive mood again, for I cannot even plan our trip in Oct anymore. 40 pounds for 6 mile away or 50 pounds for 3 miles away? Bus or train? 8am or 3pm? Blackpool first or Manchester first? North or South? Sun or Monday? Tuesday maybe?

I forsee another nervous breakdown in days to come.

28/09/08

2008-09-29T04:43:00.004+08:00

Read the article below (extracted straight from here), and tell me what you think...

Devout muslim sues Tesco for religious discrimination after he was made to carry crates of alcohol

A muslim is suing Tesco for religious discrimination after having to carry crates of alcohol as part of his job.

Forklift truck driver Mohammed Ahmed, 32, worked in one of the supermarket giant's warehouses for eight months before quitting 'in protest', an employment tribunal heard.

He claims he was forced to leave because handling beer, spirits and wine is against his strict Islamic beliefs and that he was victimised when he asked the company to give him another role.

Mr Ahmed, who was raised in Saudi Arabia, told the tribunal he had no idea his job entailed handling alcohol when he started work at the distribution depot in Lichfield, Staffordshire, last September.

When he realised it did, he asked to be found different work but alleges that one of his supervisors told him: 'You do the job or go home.'

Mr Ahmed also claimed his line manager was 'aggressive' towards him and another supervisor angrily told him: 'Do not take the p***.'

The situation allegedly worsened in November and December when extra alcohol arrived at the warehouse in readiness of Christmas, the tribunal in Birmingham heard.

Mr Ahmed claimed he eventually lodged an official grievance with the company in February but was 'victimised and harassed' as a result.

Asked why he took so long to raise a grievance in the first place, he said: 'Many meetings were being held in the meantime to discuss the situation.'

The tribunal heard that since the case emerged Tesco has ensured its induction process makes clear that handling alcohol is part of the job.

But Laura Canham, the company's solicitor, said it was still unrealistic for Mr Ahmed to say he had no idea what his duties would be.

Mr Ahmed claimed he had never visited a Tesco store and was not aware the company sold alcohol.

But he admitted having shopped in other supermarkets - including Sainsbury's, Lidl and ASDA - and noticing alcohol was on sale there.

Miss Canham said: 'He was advised at the outset what the job would entail. At no stage did he raise the fact he could not handle alcohol.'

She told the hearing managers did all they could to help Mr Ahmed, adding: 'They went to see if there were any other roles available for him.

'He applied for a maintenance job, but he was unsuccessful. All other roles, in some form or other, also came into contact with alcohol.'

The tribunal was told Mr Ahmed also gave out 'mixed messages', at one stage suggesting he was allowed to handle Budweiser beer.

Miss Canham denied the company discriminated against him and said: 'It would be reasonable to expect him to be aware of what Tesco did.'

Mr Ahmed, of Derby, who is suing the firm for racial discrimination, victimisation and harassment, is set to learn the outcome of the case later this week.

He said: 'I was asking for my rights. I am not saying I am a perfect person, but there was a conflict with my beliefs.

'It is in our religion that we are not allowed to handle alcohol. In the UK there are equal opportunities that should protect me and my beliefs.'

Saudi Arabia's enforcement of strict Sharia law regarding alcohol is among the harshest in the world.

Sentences include several months' imprisonment for simply drinking beer, and it is not unknown for offenders to be given lashes as well.

A spokesman for Tesco, whose £63 million Lichfield depot employs around 1,000 people, said: 'Cases like this are very rare.

'Managers are trained to be culturally sensitive and have an "open-door policy" to staff for issues like this, as everyone is welcome to work at Tesco.'

I read and read it again three times just to make sure I didnt not misunderstood any part of the article.

I dont know whether to laugh or to cry...

Running Out of Time - Simple Plan

2008-09-27T08:39:00.001+08:00

The perfect song to describe the political situation back home?

But I still miss home...

Karaoke (Part 2)

2008-09-27T07:39:00.006+08:00

Papercut - Linkin Park

Breaking the habit - Linkin Park

Welcome to my life - Simple Plan

Untitled - Simple Plan

Shut Up - Simple Plan

Crazy - Simple Plan

Addicted - Simple Plan

Your love is a lie - Simple Plan

I'm just a kid - Simple Plan

When i'm Gone - Simple Plan

Perfect - Simple Plan

Cant you see I'm a fan of Simple Plan???

Karaoke

2008-09-27T07:26:00.003+08:00

Enough about feeling sorry for myself. Time for Karaoke. All together now!

She's so lovely - Scouting for Girls

Heartbeat - Scouting for Girls

Rockstar - Nickelback

How to save a life - The Fray

Grace Kelly - Mika

Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis

In the end - Linkin Park

I am the Kacang ('cont)

2008-09-27T06:15:00.004+08:00

I feel the need to redeem myself after the previous post of me bashing.

For the longest time i've been wanting to talk about the kacang issue but in many occasion has decided against it. Because you see, there are a lot of you who fail to see the other side of the coin.

You hold on to every single word that I said and judge it against your own life. Essentially, many people fail to see the people lead different lives and (lo, behold) have different priorities from you.

Say for example, a lot of people do not understand the difficulty that Des and I went through with him working in shifts. They fail to see that the weekends that they all look forward to to rest and relax with their partners is not something that happened on a regular basis for us. They fail to see why I cannot commit to a weekend holiday in 6 weeks time purely because we have no idea whether either one of us is able to make it (no weekends off luxury remember?) And I particularly hate it when they are quick to come to a conclusion and ignore the reasons why I want to go back to have dinner with des every single day of the week.

I dread it when Friday comes and colleagues asked the mandatory 'what you doing over the weekend'. My answer? 'Nothing really'. Weeks and weeks to come.

Am I safe to think that for those who have never dated people who works in the service industry will never understand? I've given up trying to explain what I feel lonely even though I live with Des. Dont get me started about 'if you feel lonely, why dont you go out and do something?' Especially from people who are single and lead a 'young and adventurous' life.

Dont get me wrong. I'm happy. I like the way things are. Its just tiring to try to explain to people that it is ok about the fact that I dont necessarily feel and do things the way they do. I want to go back home to have dinner with Des every single day because I want to. Its not clingy, its because you people fail to realize that its only the dinner that I get to see Des. I dont get to see him for the rest of the evening and night.

Furthermore, we're married. We're not dating anymore. Things change. So what if yours didnt. Mine did.

Remember what I said about the other side of the coin?

I admit that there are times that I feel absolutely horrible and goes around asking friends if they have any sad news to share. I need to know that the world does not revolves around me. And you know what they say? 'I'm happy, and I want you to know that'. So much for being a friend. I think its particularly sad that you are happy because you dont want me to see you sad. They probably go on thinking 'Oh no, I have to be happy, I dont want Agnes to see me sad', for all the wrong reasons! Well, i think its pathetic that you're happy not because you truly are, but because you only pretend to be.

Remember what I said about people trying to teach me a lesson? Sad. But funnily enough, I just have to admit that I am guilty myself. There are many times that I'm just saying/doing things because I knew that provokes an action from you. How? Simple. Cause I know how judgemental you are, so I just need to drop a few hints here and there and bom! Response received and enjoyed.

We're not that different you know. If you look at me and you hate me, its only because we're the same. Believe it.

I'm pathetic. I know I know. I contradict myself ALL the time. Now i am the one who is trying to convince you all that I'm happy happy house, happy house happy house. I guess I'm just happy to finally find the energy to drag myself up on the bed and to type my thoughts out. I wander if its because of the overdose on the reality tv show that I've recently discover online. Hmm, I guess these sudden outburst of emotion is due to my emotion jar is almost bursting already. I miss you all from the hill. I truly do. Because you guys understand.

But then again, life goes on...

I am the Kacang.

2008-09-25T06:49:00.006+08:00

A friend posted 'Abandoning the monk after the ceremony' in the MSN status today. Whether he means me is irrelevant.

Anyway, his statement makes me think. Think about who I am and think about how others think.

For as long as I can remember, I already knew that I'm the type of person who will look when I need. Obviously, this wasnt my best trait. But I think the difference between me and the others is that I already KNEW i am one.

The point is, I acknowledge the importance of thanking the very person who has helped you. But I dont see the point of being indebted to the person for the rest of my life, especially when it wasnt over life and death matters. Say the monk and ceremony example. Yes, it is important to acknowledge and thank the monk, but I dont think that we should spend the entire ceremony thanking the monk and making him the centre of the attention when the ceremony is supposed to be about US.

Let me stress that we should ALWAYS thank the monk. But then, it doesnt mean that we should be made to feel as if we owed him our lives. How selfish for the monk to think that way. Especially if it is his JOB to do it in the first place! I mean, dont you think there is a line to be drawn? Certainly, the monk shouldnt expect to be invited to every important celebrations for the couple in their lives after the ceremony! (Ok, maybe they will, but then, it should still be the perogative of the couple, and it shouldnt be a MUST).

Coincidently, I spoke to Des about this matter a few days ago (no, not about inviting the lady who officiate our marriage to our wedding ceremony, but something similar). And boy, am I glad when he shared the same thinking as me. About the importance of thanking the person but yet felt that we would have repaid the indebtness.

For as long as I've realized that I'm a kacang lupakan kulit person, I've tried very hard not to be indebted to anyone. I mean, there are many times I've asked and yet did not receive anything in return, but I can frankly say, I did not harbour any hatred at all because 'do what you want others to do to you' right? The same way I've not responded to people's calling, I wasnt expecting people to answer most of the time. Cause everyone else is just the same. Perhaps, I'm just looking for those good souls (whom I've always make fun of because they were 'too good to be true'), but trust me, I dont hold you in fault when you dont answer. But then again, thinking back, for those of you who delibarately avoided me, doesnt that make you the same? I always laugh when people tried to conciously teach me a lesson, for doesnt they realized that makes them the same???

Oh well, I guess people always forget that. Dont you see, the more I avoid being indebted to you, the more I'm trying NOT to be a kacang lupakan kulit. If I'm not indebted to you, how can I lupakan you? Gettit??? I'm trying, I'm trying...

For the past few weeks, a certain issue has been dragging in our lives. I am sure it was a combination of a few other factors (one being very prominent) that dictates our action. It would be fair to say that we werent exactly thinking in the right mind for now. Well, if you're living our life, I'm sure you would too! (Nevermind, I'm not telling you what it is...)

Anyway, moving on. The point is people should not hold themselves too high. Yes, I do ask only when I need, but then again, one shouldnt think too highly of themselves. I'm not the greatest friend one could have, but people needs friends just the way they need something for themselves. Just so happen, I need a different type of friend right now. Certainly its no fault of mine right?

I used to be those people who dont understand how friends can move on and finds it hard to accept that things change. Yup, believe it or not, I'm the kind of person who wants friends to be together forever and ever. That was when I was 5 years old, the girl who always cries when her best friend threatens not to befriend her anymore. But she always take me back. Probably because she thinks I'm pathetic. Fast forward 20 years alter, that was probably the reason why I dont have a best friend and accepts the fact that friendships exist to fill up a hole.

Dont get me wrong. There are people that I would still love to keep in touch with. But I accepts that people move on and I certainly wont hold my friend hostage lest they decides to experience different things and meet different people.

I remembered there was once I had a horrible day at work during my time up the hill. It was lunch time and not many people were in the office (which is a good thing because I dont have to layan so many people). Feeling absolutely horrible, I stood up and walk to a temp clerk that was sitting across me and squatted next to her without saying a word. She looked at me and ask whats wrong (we talked before, but mostly in the office. We werent close, but we werent enemies either). Without saying a word, I suddenly burst into tears and i could sense her suprise and she passed me tissue without saying a word. Two minutes later, I dried my eyes, stood up and walked to the toilet to freshen up. We never spoke about the incident afterwards, but I'm glad she is there (obviously she doesnt CHOOSE to be there for me). Dont get me wrong, I thank her for the tissue back then. But at times when you really need a good cry without the shoulder and explaination, I think I'm a friend enough for her to be there for me when I needed someone to cry to. Afterall, I dont need her to explain, I dont need her to talk me though, I dont need her to pity. I just need her to be there. And she did. A good friend would have asked too much question, and I dont need that for that moment in time. (I then turn to a 'good friend' (Des, that is) later after work and that was when the questions, anger, crying, consoling begins).

If you say I take more than I give, you're probably right. But then, I think its only human to do such a thing.

I cant help being the way I am. For I am moulded the way I am when i was 5 years old. And I think it is most liberating to be able to accepts who you are than to struggle to change yourself. I dont make excuses for myself, and I certainly dont apologise for it. (yes yes, I do apologise when i've wrong someone, but I dont apologize when i dont act according to your standards, you get the idea). I just think its sad that if I'm 30 (yes lah, I know I'm not yet, but soon to be lah) and I dont still know who I am.

And I do admit who I am to those of you who know me. Just dont try to change me. Dont say I dont warn you...

Short talk - Karma

2008-09-21T16:06:00.000+08:00

I've had my fair share of idiots and bitches encounters in my life. And i do realized that at times of my life, I've been a bitch myself too. So if what comes around goes around, isn't it safe to say that for those people who says that i'm a bitch, have been horrible to others some point of their lives too? Isn't that what's karma all about?

Nine in the afternoon - Panic at the Disco

2008-09-21T10:28:00.000+08:00

Lyrics

Far Away - Nickelback

2008-09-14T09:20:00.000+08:00

Lyrics

Black and Gold - Sam Sparrow

2008-09-14T09:07:00.000+08:00

Lyrics

Without You - The Feeling

2008-09-14T09:04:00.000+08:00

Lyrics

11/9/2008

2008-09-12T05:04:00.002+08:00

I wanted to say 'I Told You So', but I could go on and on.

In fact, I could even say 'This is exactly what I predicted', but no point crying over spilled water.

What is the point? Lets just concentrate on cleaning up. Damage control they say.

I've never agreed with the arrangements, but I did. And so, its clean up time.

Learn from mistakes you'd say?

Not a good advice when you're surrounded with many similar glasses filled with water to the brim, propped up high on a piece of old wood. There really isnt much you can do, except to pray that it doesnt tip over and spill the water, just like the first glass.

It would cost a bomb to replace the wood. Especially when you will not OWN it.

What can we do? Prepare for the worst. Get as many newspaper as we can and put it at the base of the wood. Hence, when the water spill, it will be absorbed by the papers.

Towels you say? Nope, cause we can only afford newspaper for now, and it will be a one off cost. We will not be able to afford towels, which in this case, would be better cause it can be dried out and reuse again. Sadly, we cannot afford the towels.

I'm not too worried for now. It is only ONE glass of water. But when this goes on a regular basis, it will really hurt us.

To make matter worst, we're walking on eggshells. See how difficult it is? We've already got the eggshells to worry about, now we cant even use the wood to balance ourselves, in fact we're to tread around it carefully.

Double whammy you'll say?

Life is like that lor. What else can you say?

Previous Random thoughts

2008-09-08T05:59:00.005+08:00

I was looking through my old emails and I came across this...

What kinda of person am I?

I am:
The type of person who enjoys watching hours of television
The type of person who gets irritated at lame jokes
The type of person who enjoys the company of close friends
The type of person who is fine being alone
The type of person who dreams a lot
The type of person who asks only when she needs

In a conversation, we find ourselves debating whether a friend of us is happy.

"Well, I think she is happy".
"She seems to be in her own world most of the time".
"Well, I think she is happy to be in her own world most of the time".
"I don't think she is happy in her own world".
"Does it matter?"

Does it matter whether she is happy or not in her own world? Maybe she LIKE being unhappy in her own world. It is HER own world, why would we care whether she's happy?

Should we care?

Is it our responsibility to ensure our friends are happy? I don't know.

A classmate of mine committed suicide recently due to depression. I am not close to her, but I could imagine how her close friends blame themselves for not able to help her. But then again, she is in a better place right now, no? And obviously, in her state of mind, no amount of counseling would do her good because the wall she build herself is strong enough, so she believe.

I certainly don't put the responsibility to my friends to make sure I'm happy. Though I admit I DO rely heavily on him to make me feel better whenever I'm down.

I know, I know. I only say such a thing because I have him. If I don't, perhaps I will say things like them as well.

I guess after seven years of being together, things do turn into another direction. The expectation is higher and the anticipation is less. Together forever happily ever after? Yea, seven years does seems like forever.

Am I happy with him then? Yes I am. But then again, I just don't know why I get easily irritated when I read about people flaunting their partners and their act of love. Why? Cause I feel equally as happy, and not a slight jealousy with them, and yet I feel such a way.

I'm truly puzzled.

Perhaps, its my low tolerance towards other people happiness. Yes, I don't know why, but I thrive on other's misery. It reminds me to get my ass off Cloud Nine and to come back to live in Reality. He always say "Why do you always look at a glass half empty?"

I cant help it. The higher the expectation, the higher the disappointment right? I guess I could not handle any hurt anymore, and has build a wall around myself. I am a pessimist, I just cannot help it.

And I think, one day I'll just drown myself in my self-created misery and die from depression.

That is if, the Great Big Plan does not work, I'm left family-less in this world and he leaves me. Count on it.

Oh wait, there IS always 24-hours notice, maids and artificial insemination. HAHAHA ;-/

Please do take the above post with a pinch of salt. It is just one of my ramblings back then that was unedited (and obviously not posted at that point of time).

The point is, I miss these abstracts of my mind. Many a times I tend to type away my feelings just to pull back at the posting part. I feel that it is not right to put it up at that time due to sensativity of many issues. Especially when it involves people in my life and the last thing I want to do is to post up conversations that I've had just minutes ago.

Hence, these memories often get stored and forgotten, only to be dig out months later and be reminded of what happened back then. And I smiled at the thought of the scenario, glad that it is over and happy to realize that I've turn out all right. There were happy times, there were sad times, there were angry times and there were times I want to forget. The Angry times were the reasons why I never kept a journal, for I feel that my hands are too slow for my mind and I dont need a book to remind me what happen (actually, it is mostly because of the writing, I ended up scribbling things that I dont understand).

I've also come across an incident two years ago (not with reference to the above post) that left me crying and sobbing in Des arms while sitting on a floor with our back leaning on the door. We were supposed to go out after work, and I burst out in tears when Des came and pick me up. It wasnt the highlight of the day, lets just say. It was a difficult time, but it brings back a smile on my face as I am glad that the proud-and-stuck-up-idiot-who-lies is no longer in my life.

Anyway, so this turns out to be another completely random post that I was typing my mind out. I know I miss 512, and I'm still getting confused on what goes where. But I'm trying, and despite the lack of updates, life has been crazy around here. Well, it wasnt crazy crazy, and it was crazier a few months back, but oh well, I'm sure it will be better.

It has to be.

Pathetic jokes.

2008-08-21T12:44:00.000+08:00

There is a fine line between a sense of humour and lame jokes. Losers can't tell the difference...

Observation

2008-08-11T19:10:00.000+08:00

I just realized that somehow or rather, the idea of giving extra service or going beyond what is required is something to be avoided...

Idiots.

2008-07-23T23:19:00.000+08:00

IDIOTS. BLOODY FUCKING IDIOTS. STUPID PATRONIZING PIGS. PIGS I TELL YOU!

Stupid people.

2008-07-20T03:26:00.000+08:00

Frankly speaking, i have no problem with people having different opinions. Its only when they try to force their opinion on me its when i go crazy...

2008-07-17T03:59:00.000+08:00

I used to enjoy playing games. In fact. My brother and i used to PLAN what games to play during the weekend. However, I've now lost patients on the time and energy spent on it. I don't understand how people can spend hours and hours on Command & Conquer and Wii. I wander what happened and when did i lose my interest?

Lalala

2008-07-16T15:36:00.000+08:00

I'm hungry, i'm tired and i'm bored. Not a good combination. Luckily not hot, otherwise i can commit suicide d...

Ignorance?

2008-07-15T03:22:00.000+08:00

'...that you cannot ignore the developments in other parts of the world...' How true...

Feeling

2008-07-15T02:59:00.000+08:00

I wanna scream, I wanna cursed and I wanna swear. But I'm still human. And i feel. And therefore I pity. *snigger*

Life is like that...

2008-07-04T15:29:00.000+08:00

Life is like that hor... It will never let you have everything. Even the silver lining is laced with bits and pieces of glass... Its tiring to forget and to let life reminds you of it...

Fridge Defrosting Day

2008-06-29T18:20:00.000+08:00

If you have wanted to ask us how is married life so far, I'll tell you that we have been domesticated until to the point that we were discussing grocery shopping while lepak-ing in a club surrounded by people drinking and dancing. Even worst, when we came back from the club, instead of crashing to the bed drunk and making passionate love, we proceed to clear the fridge and freezer to defrost it. So yea, the fridge has been acting up a bit, so we finally got around doing it. The next morning though, in a spur me the moment, i decided to cook ALL the remaining meat, hence the attached picture.. I popped the two remaining chicken drumstick into the microwave, grilled two portions of pork ribs into the oven, fried another two portions of pork ribs, and cooked the remaining luncheon meat and sausages. So there, meat enough for at least FIVE meals all cooked at one go for an impromptu but satisfying BREAKFAST. Yea, i know, no more meat next week for these two carnivorous...

Temp vs. Permanent

2008-06-27T02:55:00.000+08:00

You know what, I've finally figured out the difference between a temp and permanent worker. A temp is hired to work, while a permanent is hired to think. Now, over here, companies are laying of people and freezing positions while opting for temps. You know why? Because they know those eligible for permanent jobs cannot think, and so they have to resort to thinking themselves and hiring temps instead to do the work. Gettit? Hence, i'm only hired to work. Not to think, not to solve problems, not even to anticipate problems. That is the difference...

What will you choose?

2008-06-24T03:17:00.000+08:00

I'm confused. Do you 1) finish your work in quickly but risk being fired cause you've finished what you're required to do or 2) do your work slowly but risk insulting yourself and your dignity? Seriously, the choice is harder than it looks...

???

2008-06-23T02:46:00.000+08:00

I have 101 things on my mind now, and its only normal that i don't feel like putting it down in writing. Let's just say, as usual, i don't want to jinx it. But i'm sure I'll talk about it soon enough. Watch this space!

Internet on the go...

2008-06-18T09:25:00.000+08:00

I absolutely love this internet on the go! How pathetic right, i could have update this using my laptop but no, i'd rather update using my mobile and typing away using the dictionary function. Not too bad eh, considering i haven't been using a proper keypad to type messages for two year already! I hope i got the right package and all these internet is free me charge! Otherwise, I'll be dead from the charges! Enough for now. Will call up customer service to check. Enough for now, will update more soon. Good night!

Testing testing!

2008-06-18T03:46:00.000+08:00

Updating this using my mobile. Hope this works!

2008-06-18T03:22:00.000+08:00

Testing testing. Typing this using my LG handphone

I.Am.Scared.

2008-06-08T22:23:00.002+08:00

I have been wanting to write out my thoughts for weeks. But I have been putting it off as I couldnt decide whether to post it up 512 or here. After contemplating, I've finally decided to put it up here. Its too many words of my thoughts...

To begin my train of thought, I'll start by storying how is married life. Honestly, it didnt really shrink in until much later. This was supposed to be part of our honeymoon, but boy, it sure didnt feel like one when you have to worry about money draining out and unemployment! When we first came, I didnt have the excitement of exploring the town nor did I look forward to visiting all the tourist attraction. Holiday doesnt seem like a holiday when you know that you can go visit the place for many many times later during the year. Something like the KLCC. Come to think of it, despite its iconic relation, I've never have a picture taken of the KLCC, know what i mean? And of course, it doesnt help with the fact that actually, both of us HAVE been to London on point of our life. Till date, we havent been to famous wax museum thingy and still dont have the urge to do so.

You would have realized by now that life seems to 'start' after both of us got a job. Well, partly is because I wanted both of us to experience something outside of us so that we could bring much more into the relationship. There is only so much you can talk if you're together for every single moment for 3 weeks straight. Scary hor, to think that I could have said that even though we're only married in Feb. Its only during these encounters does the cultural shock really begun.

For example, coming from a HR background, I would always advise people to put their pictures in their resume to make it stand out better in the mist of hundreds and thousands of resumes. And we should always make our details out clearly in the front page. But imagine my shock when putting a picture in resume is consider a tabboo and I was laughed at. Yes. I was actually laughed at. And putting your race, date of birth and marital status is considered totally unnecessary to avoid discrimination.

We came across many more things that certainly changed our look in life in general. For a place that doesnt tolerates discrimination, there are certainly high tension in certain areas in life. Say for example just yesterday when we were on our way back home from a friend's place, a fight broke out right in front of us while in the train. Apparently some drunk guy was shouting discriminating stuff to an Asian guy (but we missed the beginning, so we didnt know what instigate the issue), and minutes later a scuffle broke out. They were exchanges blows at each other just right behind Des and I was just hugging him for dear life. Did I mention that the train was packed to the brim and soon after there were blood everywhere?

I was pretty shaken up throughout the ride and was very paranoid as in situation such as this, you could get whack by just simply being yourself, you know what I mean? I for one, will blatantly admit that there are discrimination back home over many many issues, but certainly I've never encounter different ethnic groups fighting each other in public. Perhaps I've been living on another planet but certainly I dont see things such as these...

And you know what the best part is? The people who ended up fighting each other weren't Asian in the first place! Its the other people who apparently couldnt stand the drunken guy's comments and loud noises. As scared as I was, I really dont know what to make out of this! The ones who kena were nicely keeping quiet and its those who werent involve who were fighting the fight.

I dont know how to tell you more of this story without appearing to be anymore discriminating than what I already am, but the point is, we've both pretty made up our minds NOT to raise our kids here. Seriously, what DO they have here that we dont back home? For a place who does not tolerates discrimimnation, this is really NOT a place to learn about it. Perhaps, our mistake is to come here with seriously wrong expectations of how is it here. For once, I have to agree, that TV really gives out the wrong impression in people's life.

Friends and family always says that we both looked very happy in our pictures posted up in our picture blog and Facebook. But certainly, what the pictures didnt portray is the reality of life here. What we see back home is really being replicated over here. Of course the pictures will not capture our disagreements and arguments. And I am certain to say that we're certainly 'happier' in many ways back home. But in many ways we're both glad that we could get to experience this together, as it certainly opened up our eyes in many things of life.

And I am glad.

For I think this experience has better prepare ourselves to be future parents... :)

Cultural difference

2008-05-31T07:42:00.003+08:00

i was typing a long overdue post in picturesinthemaking but my train of thoughts keep stopping. I dont know whether its the photoblog effect or i'm just more comfortable writing here.

A bit of update...

Told a few of my colleagues that I'll be leaving soon. Havent made the official announcement to my supervisor and agency, but i reckon I'll be doing in on Monday when the weekend ends. Yes. I have been slacking in my work terribly, but if only you understand what I do you'll realized in amazement how come I havent commited suicide yet.

I had wanted to talk about cultural differences, but the thoughts just doesnt come out nicely. Things like them eating rice with fork and how I was considered weird to be eating baked beans with rice (one of my favourite combination actually).

But soon enough, we begin to realize the reason behind the differences. Below are just some of the things I noticed:

- Yes, their public transportation is very good but its only because they have evolve so much that there is only so much they can do.
- Self awareness was to a stage where people were fine for simply having a glass bottle in the bottom of their bin.
- Rubbish is (proposed to be) collected every fortnightly to force people to recycle.
- Human rights is such that service industry close the same time you get of work because everyone deserve personal and family time.
- Minimum discrimination is not putting up ur pictures in resume and saying ur age/marital status.
- Development is such when you're given money to support yourself while you're (supposed) to look for job.
- Hygiene is such that street food is of non existance.
- Ipods is only popular because everyone cannot afford to drive to work and have to take the train.
- Reading is popular because the train goes through underground and there is nothing else to look at.
- Personal space is important thats why Ipods and reading are popular.
- Lunch-ing together-gether on a regular basis is expensive and unpopular.
- Personal grooming means girls are taught to put makeup when going to school.

I noticed several changes in our lifestyle too. Never would I have believe I would:

- Wait 15 minutes to complain to the manager that they overcharge the vegetables that we bought by 24cents.
- Compare, compete and boast with our friends on who gets the best deal in buying eggs (The record so far is 30 eggs at 1.69).
- Rely on the public transport again.
- Have 1 pound in my purse and survived the whole week not spending a single penny.
- Understand the advantage of being spoonfed because you learn to ask when u noticed missing pieces.

I'll b lying if i say we both doesnt miss home. However, I believe there are many times when we were walking to work, taking the bus, reading newspaper, etc that we suddenly realized we're actually in London.

It doesnt matter that we're in the bottom of the ladder once more.
It doesnt matter that we're only earning peanuts right now.
It doesnt matter that the fridge is empty cause its end of the week.
It doesnt matter that our job does not reflect our capabilities.
It doesnt matter that we're second class citizen.

As great as the media has make us believe that they are more superior, we're the one who has made it to their country.

Indeed, my perspective about certain things has changed.

Their way is not necessary the best way.yes, we still have a long way to evolve. And its time to enjoy it. Cause once we reach their state, it really isnt something to look forward to.

Seriously, their way is certainly NOT the best way.

26/05/08

2008-05-27T05:52:00.001+08:00

I dread work tomorrow.

I really do...

Buang masa aku je!

2008-05-24T16:53:00.005+08:00

Recently, I came across many idiots in my life. While I dont dare to give away too many details in fear of some of them coming here and thinking it was in reference to them, i still want to write about them to clear my head.

In fact, the narcissistic side of me of wanting to talk about what happen has pushed me to start a anonymous blog so that I can tell all about what happen. Certainly, there is no pleasure in keeping such juicy story to myself eh?

Obviously you wont get to read about it here, and I'll go on and on about it today though.

Overall, I miss having constructive arguments. Arguments where people come together to argue about something and then challenging each other to get the right answer. Getting the right answer meaning everyone knowing what their talking about.

I had a horrible feeling that I was being bullied and outcast. Not that I mind anyway, cause why would I mind being outcast by idiots right? But the need to be part of a social circle means that my long weekend is ruin and I will spend all of the weekend wandering what I did wrong...

Obviously I wasnt close enough to be a part of a joke that everyone else is. Obviously, offering my help over something that I very much enjoy was not appreciated. Obviously, keeping quiet when the answer is right in front of you is the correct was of doing things here. Oh yea, and obviously making a fuss over something you know is wrong is not right because it was supposedly to be at your advantage (when clearly it is not).

I was relatively quiet for most of the time. When finally there seems to be the end of the road, I relax and opened up a bit. But apparently, they equates loudness to stupidity. Hence, lesson learn. I really should keep my mouth shut. Even though I know that horrible things are blatantly done wrong around me.

I can feel my brains are rotting and I really wanna do something else. I cannot understand how anyone could feel so interested in it. At first, I thought that I was the only one doing stupid things and the rest are doing far much better things, but as time goes by, I come to realized nope, it is just as stupid, yet they seems so interested?

Oh Uh, did i just give away too much? I dont really care now do I?

Is it me failing to see the big picture, or am I really noticing better ways to do things? The excel is practically screaming its answer right in front of you, yet you choose to "use your eyes". If you're already using Excel, why not let it finish the job for you? Why open yourself to dispute every single week when you yourself dont even understand the equation?

Seriously, dont get me started on the rest. But I forgive them, for they really dont know what they are doing. But you, you of all people. You are part of us, and I feel greatly embarrassed by you. A couple of them are part of us too, but I dismiss them as I can see that they are officially in to the rest already. No amount of help can save them anymore. But you. YOU.

I dont know why I feel a great sense of responsibility over this. Obviously it is none of my business and who am I to "save" anyone at all? True, I really shouldnt care at all. But when it involves me it is where I cross the line. I dont care what the rest do and even more dont care what you do to the rest. But when you do stupid things to ME, I'm not gonna sit there and complaint about it like everyone else. I will make sure things are done correctly where it is supposed to.

Furthermore, I KNOW what i'm doing and i KNOW i am right. Imagine my bengang-ing when you came and said "yea, I did make a mistake but it was to your advantage". IT WASNT TO MY ADVANTAGE, you !@#$%!!!

*pengsan, then wake up again to remember what happened, then pengsan again*

Seriously, I'm now dismissing the rest of them as it is unimportant. It shouldnt be important. I should just find more music and keep quiet for the rest of the three weeks. Or maybe two if I really cannot tahan.

Damn, I should have berbelog dalam bahasa melayu so gerenti dia orang takan faham. Buang masa I saja.

Ada satu lagi perkara yang buat aku bengang. Tapi itu mengandungi angka angka and kiraan, jadi kalau saya letak kat sini, yang tak tau baca pun tau yang aku cakap pasal itu.

Hai, sememangnya aku tak patut tambah dua orang dari kerja kat MukaBuku aku. Aku memang nak tambah lagi, tapi malu. Tapi aku ingat, dia orang takkan pandai sangat sampai cari kat sini. Maklumlah, siapa saya kan? Tapi, aku harap juga diaorang cari sampai sini, tengok yang aku ini bukan bodoh macam diaorang. Mungkin, itulah sebab aku dapat kerja ini. Untuk aku belajar untuk jangan jadi bangga and belajar untuk bergaul dengan orang orang macam itu.

Tapi sememangnya, susah untuk kerja dengan orang bodoh. Susah, memang susah. Masalahnya, ini bukan orang yang tua dan tak belajar tau. Ini orang pandai, pergi sekolah and orang muda! Ini yang aku tak tahan ni. Baru keluar uni, ada pun yang sedang dalam uni, takan boleh lupa benda benda yang sepatutnya pengetahuan am??

Sebab, tujuh perpuluhan lima tolak empat puluh minit bukan enam perpuluhan enam tujuh! Ada pula yang cakap enam perpuluhan satu pun boleh! Yang bodoh pun tau lima puluh minit mana boleh jadi point enam tujuh?

Dah dah, dah lah tu, yang tak nak dituliskan pada mulanya pun dah tulis. Cukuplah tu, inilah masanya untuk menikmati minggu minggu ini. Kalau memang tak tahan, berhenti je lah eh?

SEMEMANGNYA, BUANG MASA I!

p/s: Aku ni sekarang sedang betul betul nak berhenti dalam dua minggu...

Price of Happiness?

2008-05-09T05:47:00.004+08:00

As I sit on the bed watching tv while absent mindedly trying to "clean up" my resume, my thought wanders to event today...

Just what was the objective was this trip anyway? Was it really for the money or for the experience?

What is £30 per week?

Would you give up RM30 each week in exchange for a better life? Fine, if you want to convert, would you give up RM160 each week for a better job? Would you give up your current job for something that you would probably (I say probably cause there is a risk factor, cause you'll never know) enjoy, for the price of RM160 each week? Equivalant to RM640 per month?

Ok, bad example I know.

I had been wanting to write down the list of pros and cons, it never works for me. Cause I know exactly what matters and I'm only entertaining doubts. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, but I'm only looking for justification. But do I really know what I want?

As usual, ask me the moment it happen and I'll tell you exactly what I want to do. Ask me again four hours later and my mind would be flooded with what ifs. And now, almost 12 hours later, my mind is changing. Or is it?

Just what is the price of happiness (if there is any?)

The problem is, I knew that my desire to leave is more than what was offered. It doesnt really matter WHAT is offered, as long as I can LEAVE. Hence, I really need help to take me out from the "attraction" of being able to leave what I have behind. I'm really not sure. I guess for what its worth, if its been of a sales nature, I wouldnt have been so tempted. Or would I?

See, I just cant make up my mind. I cannot decide which side I am. I keep getting confused, one minute I'm convinced that it is the right thing to do, the other minute I'm reminded of all the negative sides of it.

I guess I knew what I wanted to do. But I'm just taking my time, and remind myself not to jump into conclusion yet. I need to be absolutely sure of this. And perhaps, the weekend will clear up some issues.

Afterall, I have till Monday.

P/S: I really dont know how to present my resume. Coming from HR background, I'm caught suprised by the things that I thought I knew but in fact was frown upon in the culture here. Hmm...

07/05/08

2008-05-08T05:11:00.002+08:00

What shall I say?

Its like I wanted something really badly and yet I dread what comes with it.

Anyway, for all its worth, more good comes out of it. I am certain.

I forgot, that's all.

I just need to remember.

I'll be alright.

:)

London is only temporary...

2008-05-04T14:57:00.005+08:00

What can I say?

After nearly two months being here, I would say that I've achieved that I wanted to be when we came here.

Yes, wanted to BE.

For those of you who do not know, let me give you a background of us of where we came from.

We came from a very comfortable life with a promising job. We'll wear powersuits to work, walk the executive walk and talk the executive talk. A daily life would consist of waking up to get ready for work, wearing my black coat and my trademark 4-inch "dont-mess-with-me" black pumps (almost as if its my "mask" for the day), stroll to the office 20 mins later than 9am and sit down at my desk to start work. Oh yea, right before that, I would have made a compulsory stopover at the canteen to "tapau" a Milo O Ais as breakfast, but will be on my desk probably the whole day, much to the disgust of some of my colleague :P

My life uphill pretty much revolves around the weekly schedule, we call it Group A,B,C and D. Hence, my lunch date also revolves around that time too. Come Group A would see me at my worst, and I'll be moping around and staying back in the office for the longest time. Group B & C will see me having lunch the exec way, it would usually be at a chinese restaurant eating dim sum or 3 course meal (with dessert no less), sometime it would be buffet (but on rare occasions) and there are a couple of time when we could squeeze in a lobster meal as well. Come D group, you'll most probably find me in the canteen with my colleagues having a few of my regulars; mix pork porridge or white rice with char siu, pan mee, tom yam lousu fan to name a few.

When the day is over, I'll return to my room and watch tv to past time until its time for dinner. At11pm. Yeap, I have no life up there and my dinner is usually 11pm. The thing is, unlike life in the city where everyone spends an average of 2 hours commuting back to and from work, it takes us less than 10 mins. Hence, we have loads of time to kill, and usually I'll sneak in a nap to wake up at 10pm to get ready for dinner, or supper, whatever you call it.

Why am I doing this? Why am I documenting my life back home when I choose to drop everything that I've know to be so comfortable and be here?

I'll show you what life here is about and you'll see...

I'll wake up in the morning to go work in my casual clothes, which usually consist of jeans and a t-shirt. Oh yea, and sports shoes too. Those who know me back home knows that I have loads and loads of shoes but NEVER a pair of sports shoes. Yeap, so difference #1 Sport shoes. Why sport shoes? Cause I have to walk to take a bus and hop on two trains to get to work, which will take me roughly 1 1/4 hours. I havent found a pair that entices me to wear, and the price too (refer below about money) and I dont see the idea of wearing a pair of black pointy heels when I'm gonna be dressed casually anyway.

Luckily, the fashion here is high heels as well and I've come across many black pumps that could very well cured my yearning for my black pumps, but Issue #2 stood in the way. Money. Yeap, back home, we've develop a VERY BAD habit of not looking at the price tag of everything that we eat/buy. Bags/shoes? Buy lah, credit card will solve the problem. Lobster for lunch? Just sign our allowance away. Extra live prawns for the steamboat, just order. Money was not a problem back home, and with such an extravagent lifestyle (For two person, lunch could be 80++, dinner could be 200++, On.A.Daily.Basis), its certainly an eye opening experience when you only earn 5 per hour. I couldnt afford the £10 even if I want to. Lunch for £80? you must be joking. I couldnt even part with £10! Forget about lobster. Well, actually we DID have lobster for dinner once, and the succulent meat just transport me back miles and miles back to the hill.

Issue #3 was our pride. We were so sure of our job back home that many a time I feel that we're at the peak of our learning curve when we should still be learning. Things up the hill is pretty messed up and its not your usual company. Believe it or not, it has come to a point where I'll pick up the phone and will be able to solve your problem no matter what. Regardless of whether I'm able to give you a proper step by step on what to do, or be able to pin point you to the correct person that will be able to assist you, nothing challenges me anymore. And of course, regretfully, the company is grooming me to head a direction that I've repeatedly voice out my concerns. I feel at that time, its not about me to take up the challenge, but rather, they couldnt find anyone better, so they just shove me with it. (Hey, isnt this the story of our life???).

Anyway, back to point 3. We were at a position where we wouldnt have any trouble getting any other job. Imagine our dissapointment, and very much our shame, when we couldnt get any when we're here! I went to some employment agency and did some test on Excel/Word. Believe it or not, all they test me was "How to open a document?" and "How to you add B2 and C2?" and when I'm done, you know what they say? "Wow, your test results are very good!". Unfortunately, this is not a good news. Because apparently, even though you excel in the tests, we still have problems securing a job. For reasons that are clear to you, I also want to add that currently they are also having recession, which makes job even harder to get. More people hunting for lesser job? Gettit?

So imagine what our ego must have felt like when we, the high flying exec, couldnt even get a job as a Office Clerk or Receptionist! WTF? If you only expect your receptionist to only know how to open and save and document, shouldt I who know how to turn your excel report into a fantastic presentation should be more qualified? Overqualified you say? No, there is a much more sinister reason behind it. However funny it is, this is exactly what I was looking for. I was hoping for this experience which will humble us and send us back straight to earth. Life in the hill was very, VERY exclusive, and nothing would prepare us for the life in KL. Hence, hopefully with this experience, we'll be heading back KL with a better preparation for the difficult life ahead.

So will we decide to stay for good? Apparently, 80% of the immigrant who comes to UK only want to work with the ultimate goal of returning to home one day. Loads of our friends says that they envy us when we told them we're here. But seriously, if you only know about their parking rules and the rubbish bin fine, you WILL be VERY GLAD about what we have back home.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Seriously.

If you ask me what is things that I hope to see changed back home compare to here, I would only have ONE thing in mind. Despite the fact that their transportation system is good, their human rights/discrimination is in place *roll eyes*, their infrastructure is beautiful, I could only say, the weather here is nice. Other than that, be VERY grateful about your car, about our shopping mall, about our mamak and our steamboat and pasarmalam. Oh, about the preferred race, forget about it. We're definately more tolerance type, and we all ARE living in harmony. Wait until you read what is reported in the newspaper here.

I have decided that no matter what, I am NOT going to raise my child here. The better way to teach your kid about life and discrimination is to bring them up in a place that TOLERATES it. Rather than a place that thinks there are non when it is right smack at your face. *roll eye again*.

Perhaps, I strongly suspect that it is purely based on cultural different. When a friend tells me to "embrace their culture", I shot back by saying, I'm here to only EXPERIENCE their culture, I have absolutely no plans to "embrace" it as I will be returning home. Can you imagine the difficulty I'm gonna have if I "embrace" the culture here and goes back home just to be "culture-ly shocked" again? Hmm.. I wander if I'll go back and start complaining about having to declare my age in my CV?

The point is, I hope to leave this place with 101 stories about life here and ultimately be very glad about the things we have back home. I'll recommend this to anyone who wants to take a punch into their ego and not let excuses dictate their life. I used to be one of those who said, "I have so much commitment that I cant just leave", or "I cannot imagine life without a job and no money coming in", or "I've got bills/commitment/responsibilities" people. Its funny how they think that WE dont seem to have any. We dont have a mortgage to pay off, we dont have a car to pay off, we dont have insurance to pay off, we dont have responsibilities, we dont have to think about money to spend on our wedding ceremony, we dont have to think about securing a life and building a family, we dont have to worry about money to raise a kid, we dont have to think about starting all over when we come back to KL at 30, we dont have anything to worry about!

At the end of the day, if things dont work out, we can always go back and say we've been there and done that. No harm done (yea right, funny how I'm saying it when I just when balistic last week about not securing a job). I guess instead of giving advise out to people who got stuck in a boring but secured life and choose to do nothing but complains about it, instead of saying "i know that saying is easier than done", we can finally say, "Look, I've done it!".

Wait till I tell you about Curry being the British food!

London = Money

2008-04-20T19:16:00.002+08:00

I have a million and one things in my mind to say and yet there is absolutely no time for me to put it down.

When I was walking to work, or when I'm in the tube on the way to work, when I'm stuck at work wandering away, I have all these things that runs through my head that I wish I have the luxury to just type it down here.

And just when I finally found time, things just down flow as nice already. Oh well, I'll just try as much as I can.

Well, for starters, we just woke up and I'm typing away still in bed after 12 hours of sleep on a (very) lazy Sunday afternoon. I tell you, time just wheeze past by since we started work. A typical day on a weekday would be both Des and I waking up in the morning to go work together. Timing was such that it allows us to go work at the same time. And the bus and tube is on the same route too, though Des gets off much earlier and I still have to change another train before I arrived to mine.

But though the need to wake up at 7am every morning for work, something that I am so unwillingly do in KL, its ok here cause its already bright at 7am, hence my rule of waking up after the sun was good enough. And the fact that we're both leaving for work makes it even more bearable. And its work for both of us, and when its off work, we'll both arrive at the station together and get home for dinner.

Now, I know for a fact that this "bliss" will not last long. Des's MO has yet to reply, and he just receive news that his current job may not last as long as we thought. And without Des getting a permanent job, I'm stuck with this data entry job.

For as long as it will last, I know I will enjoy it. As I know for a fact that our lifestyle will never be like any normal couple. So, this is what its like to work in the weekdays together, and come back home together for dinner. So, this is what feels like to have the weekend together to relax and to do things together.

I know I am going to miss this.

How is London you may ask?

London is great, and you know what, Malaysia is a great place afterall. :)

There are many things that, like my friend put it, "you'll come to realize a lot of other things after staying here for a while". Its true afterall.

Without giving away too much, I'll say that our LRT is actually not that bad, and our Telekom provides good customer service. All those of you complaining how expensive it is to maintain a car, be grateful cause at least you OWN a car. If you just purchase your first home, you're even luckier.

Seriously.

Yes, certain things may be generally cheaper here, such as a trolley full of supermarket stuff would cost less than 50 pounds where else 10 items in our Giant would cost us RM80. Eating out in a post place would only be 30, where else it would easily be RM80-RM100.

One thing for sure, the lifestyle is different. Back home, we're some executives who earn good money for us to spend in such a way. Here, we're just struggling clerks who earns barely enough to cover our expenses. Kid you not, that's the reality check. It took me about 3 weeks to realized that though that I may be competent, I'll never be able to deliver that I did back home. Purely because of the way I speak.

Now, thats another story.

The point is, even though eating out only cost 30 pounds, it still is expensive cause we just dont have that kinda luxury anymore. And to think at at least back home we still own a car and house makes it all good, cause a lot of executives here wont be able to have that.

So, what's this argument about London being the most expensive place to stay?

That is also another long story which involves a short argument between me and my supervisor.

Oh, note to self, talk about rasicm too, next time. This is REALLY interesting.

OK, Des needs the laptop now. Update next time! :P

Life is good. Finally.

2008-04-04T03:25:00.005+08:00

And life in London has properly begin...

Sitting on my bed typing away with my laptop using wireless is bliss. Its so bliss cause I've never been able to do this before.

Many things have crossed my mind for the past 3 weeks that we're here. We're in our fourth week already, can you believe it? I've had TWO nervous breakdown, and the thought of not having a job drove me and Des crazy. Really, try having a holiday that you know for as long as it stretch, it is going to end worst-er. Gettit? Seriously, a holiday is NOT a holiday if there is not end date.

Have I mentioned that I miss working? My breakdown was not so much of not able to secure a job, but rather, the thought of NOT working. Technically, I didnt really do much since the day I hand in my resignation from the hill. And that is like the 2nd of Jan. And its been three months since I've properly worked. I miss going to work, I miss handing the PC, I miss talking up calls, I miss getting ready for work. How crazy is that?

Anyway, just came back from my first day of work. Its some data entry job that is so mind boggling. Mind boggling because its supposed to be data entry but theres so many discrepancies I ended up putting up comments asking for status for each entry rather than completing it. Its something like extracting an index from a database to search in another database for another name or something to that effect. Something that really doesnt need to cross the brain for instruction. Towards the end of the day, my hand already got a mind of its own. (having said that, funny how I am doing data entry when my attention to detail is like absolutely zero).

And it is so cekai that the dress code is casual, meaning jeans and t-shirt. And the environment is very quiet like call centre, where everyone is just busy typing. Luckily there is a radio right in front of me and the person next to me needs it to be high in volume, otherwise I would have gone crazy (by the way, my throat got bad and technically I lost my voice while sitting around not talking). And the pay was so-so, though I've heard of higher pay if I work in admin.

But I wasnt complaining. The fact that I'm back out in the office typing away is what making me happy. Though towards the end it was absolutely boring me out of death, the fact that I'm working gives the excitement that I miss.

Anyway, now that I've got a job, its only natural I wanted to demand for more. Perhaps, with this so-called local experience, I'll be able to secure other jobs.

I'm happy. Finally.

But of course, u'd think I dont dread the time when Des will be working? That is IF he got what he wanted. Then it will be back to just like the hill time, he'll be working through the weekends and nights.

Not something for me to look forward to.

But all I can think of right now, is how comfortable I am lazing on the bed with the TV in front of me and me typing away in my wireless connection. Life is good.

For now anyway :)

03/04/08

2008-04-03T02:05:00.002+08:00

We have broadband in our place now!

However, I wont have much time to use as as I'm due to work tomorrow onwards!

I have no idea what the work is about. So I guess I'll just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Perhaps, things will be alright or else I'll be crying on my way home. Again. :)

31/03/08

2008-03-31T23:19:00.002+08:00

I know I have been neglecting this place. There are so many thoughts that I wanted to put up but with the lack of internet has prevented me to do so.

We've arranged for internet in our place so hopefully things would be more convineant soon.

I miss this place. Dont worry, I wont kill you off I promise!

What would you do?

2008-03-06T20:49:00.003+08:00

Would you rather be told a lie than not to be told the truth?

A persons walks up to you and asks a question that you do not want to answer. Do you:
a) tell a lie, or
b) give a nonchalant answer and walks away.

You walk up to a person and asks a question that he/she does not want to answer. Would you rather:
a) he/she tells you a lie, or
b) he/she gives a nonchalant answer and walks away.

A friend walks up to you and asks a question that you do not want to answer. Do you:
a) tell a lie, or
b) give a nonchalant answer and walks away.

You walk up to a friend and asks a question that he/she does not want to answer. Would you rather:
a) he/she tells you a lie, or
b) he/she gives a nonchalant answer and walks away.

A family member walks up to you and asks a question that you do not want to answer. Do you:
a) tell a lie, or
b) give a nonchalant answer and walks away.

You walk up to a family member and asks a question that he/she does not want to answer. Would you rather:
a) he/she tells you a lie, or
b) he/she gives a nonchalant answer and walks away.

See, I am not so mean afterall...

Preliminary Packing

2008-03-04T01:27:00.003+08:00

This is my bag.

When I weigh the bag, it is approx 20kg. Whoa, talk about ngam ngam.

To be honest, I've actually started packing 3 weeks ago. And the bag was actually 80% complete back then. Then the bad news hit and I lost interest in packing.

Until today.

So, its almost like opening a box full of goodies as I could hardly remember what I chuck inside the bag three weeks ago. I was (as always) getting worried whether I've enough clothes and when I check the bag, i go "Oh yea, so this is where its been..."

What's in the bag?
- Baju-lah of course
- four pairs of shoes
- 2 sweaters and 1 trenchcoat
- one full set of Dermalogica
- underwear
- scarfs (come to think of it, I really dont remember which ones are inside...)
- makeup and earrings (half thinking whether I should bring it along)

Everything else that didnt make the cut the first time around 3 weeks ago has all been given away. And I suspect a final round would be done to those to do not make it to the bag by the end of this week.

So what else do I need? I still need to get a a bit more on toiletries, get my certs photostated, and above all, hope get a new pair of specs.

I am going to miss my family, I am not going to lie. But I hope they understand.

Oh well, I'm the kind that burries problems and issues deep deep down hoping that it will go away on its own.

Past three weeks

2008-03-01T00:53:00.004+08:00

I know my past posts has been somewhat dull. But only its because for the past three weeks, life hasnt been exactly "normal". So I promised myself that I will put up a proper update on what has been happening for the past three weeks.

Now, lets go back to 5th Feb, where it all begins. It was my last day of work up the hill. It was a quiet day as most of my colleagues has already left earlier for their CNY break. In fact, i think only about 20% were still around. So it was a quiet last day, but I was just as excited. We've packed up all our things into the car and it was packed up to the brim! I nearly dont have space for myself. Haha! Was I sad at that time? As mentioned, I was too excited about too many other things to realized that I was leaving for good.

CNY came and went. We went up to Ipoh over the weekend. And I was trying to recall the last time I went back, which would very well be more than 10 years ago. Funny when I made a remark saying the house looked a lot smaller than I remembered, and that's when my cousin said that its because we are all now grown up. Makes sense, cause I remembered running all the way back to the kitchen when I was small and now it took me only a few steps to arrive. I wanted Des to be around during that time, but unfortunately he couldnt make it. Oh well, I really dont know when will be the next time that I will be back...

Now the week after CNY was shaky, cause many things happened and the arrangements for the tip went haywired. Now that you know, my flight was delayed to the 9th March (I was originally scheduled to fly on the 2nd). Nevertheless, I shall not dwell on it. My accomodation has been confirmed, we will be staying somewhere near Wimbledon, in a house that De's father's friend own. We went around KL this week do, to clear up some stuff. Our taxes has been cleared, money has been arranged, bag packed (60%), room packed (70%), bills paid, a couple of farewells, etc. Oh yea, that was when we finally decided to buy a Dell, and it is working fine right now. I must say that the delivery has been very prompt. Imagine, I ordered on Tuesday and I got it on Saturday!

Soon after that, the registration date came. Frankly speaking, I was in a dazed, as true as many would have described, it was over before I knew it. We went for lunch after the short ceremony, and my brother caught me by suprised when he asked, "So are you happy?". I paused for a second, realizing that indeed, there were many other things on my mind, and three seconds later I replied, "It was what I wanted".

In between the days of the three weeks, I spend most of the time lazing around the house watching TV and sleeping the days off. Frankly speaking, after 3 weeks of not working, I am feeling really bored. I miss the challenge, I miss fighting for my rights, I miss having things to do, etc. As much as I love sleeping in, I know waking up late really screws up your system. Thats why I choose to wake up early at 6am for a week to ferry kids to kindy. Got nagging from parents, but its a lot deeper than that. Things are (as always) more complicated than it is...

With less than ten days left prior to the trip, most of our remaining days has been filled with loads of activities, yamcha here, bbq there, dinner here and lunch there. I do realized that I will miss my family, but I told Des, "This needs to be done." He replied, "No, there is always a choice." "I know, but I hope they'll understand..."

Perhaps, I would be able to finally sense the excitement as the date draws near...

28/02/08

2008-02-23T00:14:00.004+08:00

:) I have put up my first post in my picture blog! Go http://www.picturesinthemaking.blogspot.com/ and check it out!

Anyway, I seems to have problems with Blogger.

First, i cant seems to be able to save and the retrieve the saved post to edit. I am not able to retrieve any saved changes whenever I wanted to edit a post. It always goes back to the first saved draft, regardless of how many times I've updated it.

Second, the date is all wrong. Imagine my first post about 26th Feb is posted on the 23rd Feb! Makes it look so ridiculous, but with reference to the first problem, it took me too long and too many tries to change it again.

Third, I just realized, Blogger isnt the most friendliest place to upload pictures. Apparently, I can only upload 5 each times. Die, how am I gonna do a pictorial blog if it isnt easy in the first place???

We'll see how long I can manage posting in two places. I still have problems deciding which goes where.

Alright, I'm tired. There are many things in my mind and life right now. But I'm sure I'll find time to post it up soon enough...

25/02/08

2008-02-23T00:14:00.003+08:00

I cannot lah. No matter how much I try to forget, it still come back haunting me. Past week has been absolutely horrible.

Its like a healing wound that gets cut up everytime it starts the healing process you know. You know the dried scab on a wound? Its like everytime somebody ask me about it, I dig away the scab and its an open wound again.

Honestly, I've tried very very hard to avoid talking about it for as long as I could. Why? Its so to give time for the would to perhaps heal a little bit more so that the next time around someone ask me about it, when I dig into the wound, the wound is not as deep and it wont hurt so much anymore.

I dont know why. One minute I'm absolutely convinced that I am over it, the next moment when the topic is bought up, I could feel the anger brewing inside me again.

I know Des feels absolutely horrible about this, but trust me babe, I'm really doing the very best that I can. I'm trying very hard to put this behind me. Somehow or rather, it still refuses to leave me. It must be something deeper than this...

This issue has disturb me so much until I couldnt properly sleep. Heck, I was so caught up in it that I suddenly only realized that today is the last day that I will be a legally single. It is so bad until I didnt even realized this and I guess the pressure spilled over to the registration issues.

I.Hate.This.

Can you believe that I cannot even enjoy the fact that I'm getting married soon.

I guess nobody really knows just how much the original date means to me. All I really want now is to just get away so that we could start a life on our own. Its bad enough that we have 101 things to worry about when we're there. Now, we couldnt even do anything to prepare for it. And then they have the cheek to say how come we didnt do anything.

See, now I'm back to being angry all over again. Sigh, why cant I just stop being difficult???

Colbie Caillat - Bubbly

2008-02-23T00:14:00.002+08:00

There shall be no more YouTube from now on cause my Dell is up and hopefully will be able to revive my music collection.

Anyway, past week has been, how should I say, not been going as I planned.

Yes, my flight has been delayed to 9th March, hence the updated Ticker above and the days counting down to the flight has been extended. There were issues, and I shall not divulge in it as it was very personal.

Frankly speaking, I have been trying NOT to blog especially for the past week in fear I wrote something that I will regret. Usually, I will write down during my most angry times as I want to capture the intense feeling that I am having then.

But this time its different as it involve a person what is very personal to us and it makes it difficult to dictates my feelings out as I do not want to have the issue anymore worst that it already is.

Pokoknya, what is done is done and I keep reminding myself to only concentrate on what is important. Right now, I'm trying to tell myself to only think about the ROM and anything else I'll deal with it later. With things happening, I've not been able to fully concentrate on the registration and I do not want to think about the trip anymore right now.

Anyway, I'm playing Colbie Caillat's Bubbly right now. No doubt it is a great song, but it is also apparently Sue Ann's favourite song. Whenever I hear the song being played, I'll remember the way the 6 year old sings in the car, and the way she asked me to increase the volume of the radio whenever it is being played and the way she sing along to the song in her own special 6-year old way.

19/02/2008

2008-02-19T22:37:00.000+08:00

Been very busy for the past week.

Wake up 6am to drive kids to their kindy for a week
Did my tax clearance (but still waiting for letter)
Bought a Dell
Bought a shockproof, waterproof, freezeproof camera
Bought a year supply of Dermalogica
Pack and clean my room (still have about 30% to do)
Done a preliminary packing for the trip
Created a new blog but no post yet (wait, the Dell, camera and Photoshop will come together soon).

I still have a long list of things to do. Don’t ask me “why I never do earlier” because life is like that.

And last minute arrangement screws up our accommodation plans in UK upon arrival so we will end up sleeping on the street or delaying the flight.

I’d rather sleep on the street.

Pictorial Blog?

2008-02-12T02:10:00.000+08:00

I'm starting a new blog to document the pictures that I'll be taking from now on. I haven't really decided on the name yet, so will "announce" it later when its up and running. You could go to my profile to peek first (though dont expect anything fantastic yet... or ever).

I do like taking pictures, but sadly, I haven’t make use my of Canon Powershot A80 ever since I bought it 4 years ago. I mean, I did initially when I first bought it, but I haven’t really understand and fully utilized the function that came with the camera. It has P, TV, Av, M, C1, C2, etc functions that I still haven’t managed to tell the difference. A high price to pay for something that I hardly use.

Three years later, with the relocation plan to London, I've decided to resurrect it. I'm still in the mist of testing a few batteries, cause I'm still not sure about its power and I think the LED screen is going off (with 30% of the screen slightly darker than the rest). It is taking longer than it originally does to on it and the main button for taking pictures also take 2 second longer to react.

Hence, I'm still undecided whether to buy another camera for the trip or after. Obviously, money is a factor. I'll play around with the pictures before deciding.

So much for introducing a place of pictures with the first post of nothing but words. I'm in the mist of downloading Photoshop, which hopefully I will be able to adjust and amend the pictures that I took. I look forward to doing more of these picture stuff when I have a laptop (soon I hope!).

We’ll see…

Lame Jokes

2008-02-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
Men are blind. It’s too dark over there.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
We have a knack to see and realize obvious things. It’s brighter over here.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
What compromise? They came over to a brighter place on Earth, while we are suppose to learn how to live life a little blurry.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
Things are supposed to be clearer for them. Yea right, wait till they go over our place.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
No seriously. A little light and they thought they’ve seen it all.

Rich Bride, Poor Bride

2008-02-08T01:23:00.000+08:00

Yes, 5th Feb was my last day up in the hill. And I have not look back since.

Partly its because I was bogged down with many other things, such as preparation for CNY, ROM and the trip.

After making about 3 trips down with the car packed to the brim, not only do I have to unload and unpack, I have to pack up things in my room to make room for the things that I brought down. Also, I forsee another round of packing AFTER I finish packing for the trip as there is no point keeping stuff for another year when i'm not around.

Funnily though, exhausting and tiring as it were, I'm not complaining. I find the act of packing up stuff very stress relieving, almost as it it re-energizes me as I unclutter my room. The act of packing up stuff to throw/give away is certainly very refreshing, perhaps, it reflects my need for a change as I prepare for a life changing month...

Anyway, the point is, I came across a list of things that I found on the internet long long time ago. Something about things that you should do in your life. I glanced through the list and I stopped at one.

"Be engaged at least six months before you married".

My heart dropped for a moment as I paused to think about the statement. "I'm only engaged for less than two months". The problem is, before I was reminded by the statement, I'd always thought that I was engaged for a very long time (which contributes to the issue on why I wanted to get married) because I always thought that I was proposed to seven years ago which I promptly accepted. Unfortunately, as years went by, I came to realized that the particular incident was not what I thought it was.

I know I'm being dramatic again, but drama is what makes this interesting...

Apparently, i am only "officially" engaged the moment he proposed at the beginning of this year. Which only leaves me two months to prepare before the registering of marriage. (And he wanders how come I expected it. Of course, otherwise, it will be no time to prepare! *roll eyes*). Logic plays a very important part in my life, hence the logistics of the whole thing was pretty logical.

Hence, all these time while I am thinking that I'm "engaged", I'm not. So, I got a pretty rude shock when I realized what being "officially engaged" means. Cause when it is official only I can start talking about making plans, money and many more issues. I told you I was banned from talking these stuff before the proposal. What to do, seven years of courtship and I cant discuss these kinda things and I'm only given two months to deal with it (Tell me how not to be mad about it? - I'm being dramatic, so read along...)

The sudden influx of information (bridal magazines, bridal forums, bridal websites, bridal this bridal that) sends me into this frenzy that I cannot control. Yes, I am only registering and not doing the actual ceremony yet, but you cant blame me cause apparently these are what soon-to-be-brides do (stick finger in mouth to gag).

Part of me wants to keep things as simple as possible purely on logistical issues. No money, no time and no planning. However, a very tiny part of me wants it to be magical. But I cannot even afford a new dress, let alone a photographer to take pictures. Suprise suprise, the desperate side of me actually wrote an email to a photograher practically begging him to do it for free.

Being engaged changed me as well. Obviously my topic of conversations has changed. I was talking to a cousin of mine (whom we barely exchanged meaningful conversation) about the issue of people adding their two cents of thoughts on our plans. "So what if its a marriage of convineance? So what if we're not ready for it? What can they do?" Which she proceeds to playfully slap me and said, "You are as stubborn as any one of our family." How true...

Well, dont worry so much about the statement (cause again, I have to remind you that I'm being dramatic and all). But then again, I found out something that makes me totally disgusted. I dont know which is worst, discovering the information or him looking at me and go, "Whats wrong with that?".

Funny how this post coincides with the start of my PMS week.

Happy Chinese New Years everyone!

01/02/2008

2008-02-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

Just a quick update. Back home for a day today as I promised to go CNY shopping with mum. Managed to stick to my promise of not using credit card, but still managed to grab a couple of T-shirts. Oh well, its for the trip anyway.

Sleep has not been smooth, as I keep dreaming up weird dreams about the upcoming trip and waking up with an even weirder feeling. But as hard as I try, I cannot recall what I dreamt about seconds after I woke up.

Room uphill is getting emptier and emptier, but not as emptier as I would have preferred, I would say that we've managed to clear 70% of our stuff, with 30% still lying around the room. Aiks!

Thoughts has been running through my head about creating a new blog to track the trip and also would be good to "distribute" out to family members and friends. But I'll need to clearly draw the line on what will be updated in the new blog and what will be written in 512, cause I fear the it will be neglected. Also, I fear that I would have jinx it. We'll see...

Still have about 4-5 days of work before leaving the hill for good. Last minute issues begins to crop up, driving me crazy with the unnecessary stress.

February is officially here. And hence begins a very hectic and life changing month...

Metaphor

2008-01-29T12:12:00.000+08:00

I am one of them.

When I first started, this place offers so many endless opportunities. It paints a wonderful great picture that I couldn’t possibly turn back. It seems so surreal and I could hardly believe my luck to be able to be here in the first place.

Little do I know the dark secret that this place holds.

Behind their smiling faces, lurks a creature man fears. A creature so terrifying, we only expect to see in movies. Newbies like me then, heard about their existence, but we thought its only myths and we never came to believe it. Of course, we have our chances. Thinking back, there were a few encounters, but we just brush them off as a mere coincidence so their similarities.

These creatures are highly intelligent. They are smart, and though they may seem to work individually, all their action contributes to a mission and vision of a common goal. To turn ALL of us into them. They do not easily show their true face to us. Rather, they enticed us and will do anything to gain our trust.

And trust we did. Years down the line, we begin to acknowledge their existence. Their presence is not to be discussed, but is certainly felt. No direct acknowledge is done, but we all know with the familiar frown and nods exchanged. We all knew the dangers lurking, but we are stuck with no where else to go. To buy time, we tried to maintain a civil relationship with them, thinking “I don’t kacau u, you don’t kacau me”. How naïve of us to think like that.

We knew that we were outnumbered, and we watched helplessly as we begin to lose our friends to them. Few of us took the risk to leave, but many of us were still afraid. Afraid of the outside world. Afraid of being an outcast because of our constant contact with them. Afraid we’ll have difficulties adjusting to life because we’re so used to them by now.

So used to them.

We’re becoming one of them. It happens so quickly yet slow enough for one not to realize the change. But others certainly did. The newbies who came in now know that we’re becoming one of them. Our family realized the change but we brush them off rudely, saying, “Perhaps,”pretending to be part of them is the only way to save ourselves”. We fear to become ourselves again because we don’t want to lose out. We begin developing extraordinary strengths and abilities that could take us years to get. We became cocky with our powers. We became comfortable with our powers. We became one with our powers.

I became one of them.

How do you warn the newbies about you? I certainly did, but they refused to believe, just like the way I laughed at these “myths” when I first came. The new ones became cocky, saying that they are well equipped with the knowledge of our existence. Sadly, they know nothing. Knowing about their existence is not anything like being one of them. They wont stand a chance.

Even till now, I struggle with my desire to warn others but is held back with what I’ve become. Certainly, I am ashamed to admit that I crave for my own needs and not to care about my victims. There is no cure. Even those who left, longs to come back. But deep down, I am still human, rather, I was human. Perhaps, with my last ounce of humanity, I will be able to gather enough strength to leave behind this shelter and to warn other humans about us. About me.

Phone Call

2008-01-26T15:05:00.000+08:00

On 25th January 2008 at 5:52pm, I received a long awaited phone call…

Me: Hello:
Him: Hi, can I speak to Agnes please?
Me: Yep. Who is this?
Him: Hi Agnes. I’m XXX calling from XXX Insurance Company.
Me (rolling eyes thinking its yet another sales call): Yes.
Him: You attended an interview with me some time back.
Me (heart skipped a beat): Ah yes. How are you?
Him: Good. Are you still with XXX?
Me: Yes. I am still with XXX. (paused). Until February.
Him: What happens after that?
Me: (breathed in) My partner and I has just gotten a working holiday visa in UK and we’ll be flying over in March.
Him: I see. I’m actually calling to offer you employment. You see, the position is still vacant and has never been filled in.
Me: I’m sorry. I wont be able to take up the offer then.
Him: I see.
Me: I was looking forward to your call actually back then . And since its been some time back, I thought you have found the appropriate person.
Him: Alright then. All the best to you.
Me: Thank you. Hope you will find someone suitable as well.
Him: Thank you. Goodbye!
Me: Goodbye!

Risky Move

2008-01-25T17:04:00.000+08:00

While chatting with a friend of mine via MSN few days ago, the topic of my London trip came up.

“I envy you. You’re like living my dream…”

While most people responded positively whenever I told them about our plan to leave, little do they know the risk and the reason behind the trip.

“The grass is always greener on the other side.”

How true. Though the prospect of going London itself is very exciting and it certainly inject a fresh feeling into our daily working mundane life, it is nothing like your usual 10-days trip to London where you get to travel to different cities, stay in different hotels, sight see and enjoy your trip.

No. In fact, its far from it.

Two things for sure. We’re going to London WITHOUT a place to stay and WITHOUT a job. Funny how I find myself saying that sentence out loud. Cause I’d swear that I’ve always go around telling people that its STUPID to resign from a job without first securing another. And I always say that I could never afford to STOP working because I have bills accumulating every month.

RELOCATE.

We literally drop everything that we have been building towards (both career and family) and just move to a totally unfamiliar place to start all over again. Not only are we starting all over again, we have a very high risk of RETURNING to Malaysia WITHOUT anything, again, to build everything up again from scratch. Not only do we face the risk of being rejected at the custom (because of various reasons), we may not even find a job to support ourselves and will have to return back with even LESS money that we started of. Yes, the only support we have is the fact that Des’ sister in law is there. But that won’t do much because she is a single working lady herself who have her own life.

How much does it cost us to relocate? Easily 40k. O_o

Now, I’m not going to continue to talk about the money issue, lest someone from the embassy decides to chance upon this blog and decides to reject our entry. But you do your own calculation as to how much it will come to make the trip worth while.

I guess, to a certain extend, I will admit that indeed the trip gave me an outlet to escape from many aspect of my life right now. Below are just a few items that I could easily pluck from my head:

- to quit my job and stop doing something that I don’t believe in.
- to stop working for a person who called me a “prostitute” and to gain my dignity back.
- to avoid moving back to KL on a permanent basis.

And of course, I admit that without the trip, the plans would never get a kickstart and will never be escalated to where it is right now and I’ll never be scheduled to be married in Feb. I did ask him before, if without the trip, the possibility of us getting married this year. He did give me a positive answer, but yet I find it hard to believe.

Now why am I writing a post down as if I’m trying to reassure myself when I’ve done it before already?

I don’t know.

Open Letter

2008-01-22T16:13:00.000+08:00

To you,

Now OF COURSE I know you read my blog. In fact, that was the reason why I was posting up all these encrypted messages hoping that you’ll get it and leave me alone!

But, sigh, looks like you didn’t.

Seriously, if you have taken a moment to reflect on the whole story, you would have realized what when wrong. Worst, you not only do not get it, you’re doing the EXACT same thing that you did to me to OTHER PEOPLE! Walau, talk about history repeating itself.

What has happened, has happened. Get over it and move on. It has left a scar on all of us (not to mentioned I didn’t even do ANYTHING to deserve it). Now, when I say move on, I don’t mean forgetting about the scar and lets all live happily ever after as it it never happened.

No.

Happily ever after don’t exist.

So please, its bad enough already that we’re not in talking terms, don’t kacau the rest as well! Please, I beg you, leave the rest alone. Don’t turn them into innocent victims that I once fell for. I know they mean well and only want to help, but what they didn’t know is the extend of what you’re capable of doing. The exact thing that you did to me.

There is a fine line between talking to friends to empathize and cheer you up, and talking to friends to drag them along into the depths of your problems.

P/S: Don’t you dare launch into another one of those “I-don’t-mean-it-that-way-and-I-just-wants-things-to-be-better” cries cause both of us know that we’ve heard enough of it. It happened more than 2 years ago (not 6 months ago) remember?

P/S/S: And you (the other person who is involved in this), how I wish you were reading this also. You have taken the easy way out by choosing to eliminate contact with both of us. I’m, on the other hand, STILL being bothered by this issue months later until now. Sigh. Yes, I know, I am serving my sentence of my wrong doings *roll eyes*. Wanted to share a good news with you, but has no means to find you. But then again, it’s not like either one of us cared anyway. Not after what happened. Oh well, I’m sure you’re having a happy life and I know I will too.

Have a great life everyone!

P/S/S/S: Oh yea, and don’t be so perasan. Though most of the hidden messages are about you, not ALL of it is about you!

Itu Kamu - Estranged

2008-01-20T00:25:00.001+08:00

Lyrics

MAHAKARYA CINTA - FAIZAL TAHIR

2008-01-20T00:25:00.000+08:00

Lyrics

19/01/2008

2008-01-19T12:11:00.000+08:00

I think we should meet up before you fly to London.

I don’t think so.

11/01/2008

2008-01-11T00:34:00.000+08:00

Eleven days into 2008, I admit that I still cannot be 100% sure that we've made the right decision.

Past four days in KL has been probably the most "productive" offdays ever.

We've submitted the application and has fixed a date to ROM on the 26th Feb.
We've managed to pull and survive the first official dinner with both our family.
I've started to announce the news of the ROM and the trip to friends.
Went to the British High Comm and but only made it to the compound, not the building.
Changed the phone batteries.

I still have to buy my camera batteries, settled my insurance bills, suspend phoneline, stock up on toiletries, and of course, how can I forget, move back down kl.

I'm still struggling back and forth on our decision, one minute feeling all good that we've made the right choice, the other minute fearing we've gone out of our mind.

Oh well, the decision has been made, and it is just typical me to entertain doubts.

I just have to keep reminding myself of these key words - "BSC", "Prostitute", "26th Feb", "London".

Yup, I feel a lot better now...

P/S: Selamat Hari Jadi, 25 sen!

Dell vs Asus

2008-01-07T00:16:00.001+08:00

We are arguing.

Big vs Super Small
Normal vs Portable
Heavy vs Very Light
High end vs Super Cheap
Black vs Wonderful White
Boring vs Damn Canggih!

Yet, I'm fighting a losing battle here... ;-(

Please contribute to the Feed-the-poor-couple-Fund.

5th January 2008

2008-01-05T15:53:00.000+08:00

Today is Saturday, 5th January.

Six years ago, it was Saturday, 5th January.

For the first time in six years, I feel that I am ready to let go.

I had wanted ink myself in memory of that date last year, but I’ve never gotten around doing it.

But for the past month, I’m even more determined.

Perhaps its because when I feel that I am ready to put it behind me, I am even more determine to put a mark on myself.

Why?

Is it because I fear that I will forget?

04/01/2008

2008-01-04T12:03:00.000+08:00

“Its just bad timing that you’re leaving. We wanted to transfer you up here…”

On the contrary, the timing couldn’t have been better! Phew!

02/01/2008

2008-01-03T19:46:00.000+08:00

Yep,

1) We have handed in our resignation
2) We are leaving the hill right before CNY
3) We have to prepare to move back down KL
4) We are spending CNY in KL (and the whole month of Feb)
5) We are flying off on the 2nd March
6) I’m now engaged :-)
7) We are planning to register in Feb
8) We are only going to do the whole ceremony thing after the trip
9) We have a long list of things to prepare
10) 2008 is here!

The Interview - Great Big Plan

2007-12-31T13:35:00.000+08:00

512: Good morning and thank you for agreeing to this interview.
Me: Hello and its my pleasure to be here.

512: Hope you’re very well, though you look slightly under the weather there.
Me: Yea, been having this flu for a couple of days now.

512: Alrighty then. Now, you know that you’ve been invited to this interview to explain this “Great Big Plan” that you’ve been mentioning a lot in your blog.
Me: Yea, yea, the “Great Big Plan”.

512: Would you mind giving us a brief explaination of what it is?
Me: The “Great Big Plan”, otherwise known as the GBP is something that Des and I are planning to do for the year 2008. It is a working holiday visa to UK that Des and I applied sometime mid Dec. It’s a two year visa with a max of a one year working visa.

512: UK? You mean the United Kingdom?
Me: That’s right!

512: Wow! What is going to happen next?
Me: Well, tentatively, we’ve booked flights to fly to London on the 2nd March 2008. That’s where we will be going since Des’s sister in law is currently working there.

512: That’s about two months away! Why the sudden urge to move?
Me: Well, Des and I had just finished serving our service bond with our current company for three years now back in Nov 2007. It’s a bond, not a contract, so we still can keep our job. Problem is, after three years being up the hill, we were making plans to come back down KL. Frankly speaking, the prospect weren’t that great either. And at that time, a couple of our friends were already on the visa and in UK, so that’s where we got the information and the prospect looked good. And so we applied for the visa and with fingers crossed, we got it!

512: That’s great! What are the processes that you need to do to prepare for the visa application?
Me: Well, it is quite a straightforward application, considering the amount of information available over the internet. The visa application alone cost us RM1440 EACH! But thank God we got it, so it wasn’t money wasted!

512: Good for you. I’d figured it must be nerve wreaking waiting for the results?
Me: Exactly! In fact, I think I drove Des up the wall with my antics. And I remember going around telling everyone that I’m gonna commit suicide if I don’t get it. But luckily everything went smoothly. We don’t even have to attend an interview with them!

512: How is everyone in your family taking the news?
Me: Well, basically, it did come off as a surprised to them. Afterall, I’ve been telling them initially that we had planned to move back to KL and then suddenly hears me say about the London plan. I guess at certain points they are sad, afterall, I’ve not been home for the past three years, but I figured it’ll be just an extended holidaymoon I guess.

512: Oh, does that means you’re getting married?
Me: Hopefully! *wink* well, we plan to register our marriage before we fly in March. No dates has yet to be set, cause I’m still waiting for him to propose! Hahaha!

512: Congratulations then! How about your current job?
Me: Well, I would have to tender my resignation soon. I am sad to leave the company, considering the opportunities that I had with it and the learning curve that I’ve experienced. I credit the person that I am today to the company, as I believe I will leave the company a better and far more matured person that I first am the day I started working.

512: So what will happen from today onwards?
Me: Well, it is of course to prepare to move back down to KL first. Certainly, dreading the move cause there’s quite a bit of stuff that we accumulated from the three years uphill!

We planned to be back by Chinese New Year, as Des hasn’t been able to celebrate CNY properly ever since working uphill. That’s what happens when you work in the service industry I guess.

512: What will happen after you’re there in London?
Me: We’ll need to figure out our accommodation in London and also to look for jobs as well. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to afford anything!

512: What will happen AFTER the visa expires?
Me: Well, the visa only allows us to work for a maximum of 12 months. God willing, we may do a bit of traveling there. Of course, once the money ran out or the visa expires in two years time, whichever comes first, haha, we’ll be back in KL hopefully to prepare for our wedding ceremony and to settled down to start a family *wink*.

512: Anything else that you need to prepare?
Me: Well, certainly there’s a long list of shopping list! Hahaha I’ve brought two jackets so far, much to Des’s chagrin. Planning to get my passport renewed, buy charger and batteries for my camera, send my obsolete handphone to repair, and say my goodbyes to my friends!

512: Well, thank you very much for spending time with us for this interview. I’m sure this will shed light to the readers on what this “Great Big Plan” is all about. Any last words?
Me: Thank YOU for having me here. It is my pleasure to talk to you. If any of you had contacts in London or in UK, please extend us the contact so that we could have someone to ask in terms on how to go about and where to eat while in London! *wink*

I've Packed!

2007-12-31T01:34:00.000+08:00

Yeap, one whole suitcase of clothes.

Nope, this is not for travelling purpose. This is just the clothes that I've taken out to clear my wardrobe.

For about two seconds, it did cross my mind to put it up online to sell it since its the popular trend now. But its too much a hassle, and if the clothes doesnt look good on me, changes are it wont look good enough on anyone to buy it.

These clothes are pretty old, the newer ones are uphill. I noticed though, that although the majority of the clothes are a few years old, I like looking at it. But I dont wear it. Funny eh? Perhaps that's why I've been keeping it for years and never gotten around throwing it out.

I'm just packing it up nicely to donate it away. I need all the good karma I can get for 2008.

:-)

2008 Resolutions

2007-12-30T22:42:00.000+08:00

Okay. Lets do some last few post of the year before 2008 comes.

2007 went by relatively alright, and it think it wheezes me pas by. Lots of stuff happened this year, but it went by so quickly that I was caught thinking, "What happened in 2007?" before the "Oh yea, this happened" and "Oh yea, that happened"came into my mind.

Yes, lots of things happened in 2007, but nothing quite life changing.

2008, on the other hand, would be a completely different story. I hope I wont jinx anything by putting up the list below:

For 2008, I look forward to:
1) groceries shop in the local neighbourhood
2) cook on a regular basis
3) hunt down chinese cooking stuff in Chinatown
4) walk down the street and feel like a holiday
5) sitt at a park and realize "Hey, I'm here!"
6) lose weight
7) watch local tv
8) resurrectmy camera and take pictures
9) discover local shops
10) buy gossip magazines at their original price
11) stay on our own (again!)
12) shop for clothes and sigh, "They dont have my size. These are too large."
13) shop for clothes and ask, "Do you have these in the smallest size?"
14) reduce the size of my pride
15) be a better person

More than anything, 2007 has turned me into a person I myself loathed. The two good thing that came out of it is that I've seemed to lose my stage fright and I am able to give out presentation better.

Other than that, I am generally an angrier person, with shorter fuser, being more arrogant and prouder than I should be. If I myself do not like the changes, what more could I say for others?

I regret the fact that Des has taken a whole of the ugly me this year. And I hope I could change for the better.

I know I could.

Because I am leaving the source of this ugliness of me behind.

Happy New Year everyone!

Sudden fear

2007-12-30T14:23:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, it all looks so scary...

Obviously we overlook a lot of other things, one being monetary. We have now the very minimum amount put aside, but we have absolutely nothing left for the other stuff. Such as buying toiletries, fixing up things, bills to settle.

Nothing.

Job prospect is hanging at the moment and accomodation is still a huge issue. My plans to pay my bills in advance looks bleak. Heck, I dont even KNOW what I'll survive on next month!

Not only we've leaving everything behind for a road of uncertainties, I'm afraid that we wont have enough to SETTLE everything before we could move on.

Without settling the past, we will have no choice but to drag it along into the future. And what future do we have if we've bogged down by the past???

Des and many people says that I worry too much. But if you see what I see, wont you too???

Have we made a wrong choice?

I think it has come to a point where we'd rather risk and travel the road of uncertainties than to walk the road of insecurities. Afterall, even if we didnt make it, we'll still be back in the road of insecurities, the ORIGINAL road that we're destine to take. Nothing to lose right? We're young, and we both know very well that if we dont take this opportunity now, we'll never go about doing it.

At the very least, we'll still have each other.

So far, responses has been very good and everyone was very supportive so far, regardless whether its real or not. Except for one particular incident, but I will brush it aside because I dont think a person who left his own family to tend for themselves while he went to another country to work has the right to tell ME not to leave mine.

I always believe that there is an expensive way to do things, and also the less expensive way to do things. And I still hold on to what she said, that life has a funny way to help us to survive. I certainly hope so.

Des mentioned that he read somewhere 2008 is good for travelling for us this year. An indication of good things to come?

Perhaps.

Perhaps, I do worry too much. Worst come to worst, we could always walk back to where we came from. A high price to pay, but I've yet to hear stories about people needing to walk back. Besides, arrogance will not get us anywhere.

Well, at the very least, we could tell people that we've been there, done that. We may need to start from scratch, and our family may never be as comfortable as our parents, but I think we can make it happen.

Yes, I think we've made the right choice.

28/12/07

2007-12-28T20:38:00.000+08:00

I’m sick.

For the longest time, I am usually not sick.

Not to boast or anything, the only time I remember being very sick is when I was young when I had my measles and when I’m in Form 2 when I had my chicken pox.

Compared to my brother, I’m apparently the healthier one, according to my mother anyway. Since then, I’m rarely in and out of the doctor’s office.

Usually whenever I’m feeling under the weather, I’ll just pop 1 and half biji of my trusted Panadol 650. While thinking, “I’ll go to the doctors tomorrow”, after a rest, I’m usually better.

The only other time that I remember being sick was a few years back during a short trip to Penang. I was having a fever, and true to its words (the instructions was to take Panadol every four hours), my fever subside everytime I eat it and came back on the dot four hours later. It refused to break even after two days. Needless to say, it wasn’t one of the best trip that I had.

Anyway, finally went to the doctor today and got an MC. Not that I’m proud of it, but it was a much needed rest as I’ve been up and down the hill a lot this month. Funny thing is its not like I’m rarely out of the hill a lot. Oh well…

Oh, and did I mention that I have a very bad lower back right now? It all started months ago after we moved into our new room and started sleeping in the “new” mattress.

No offence, but I strongly feel that there were planks of wood inserted into the mattress. There’s a line between firm and hard.

Anyway, I’m due back to the office tomorrow. But since tomorrow is my last day (a jargon we used to say that its our last day of working following a series of offdays), I’m looking forward to go back down for the weekend. I’ll be up on New Year’s eve for the fireworks though.

Watch out for "The Interview - Great Big Plan" post coming up in January 2008!

Funny Ankle

2007-12-26T01:18:00.000+08:00

I have a funny ankle.

Long long time ago, I've twisted BOTH my ankle. Once during a rainy day from school, and another while jumping down the stairs. Both has since healed, though one of them cause a hairline crack near the toes but nothing life threatening.

And now, I think I've twisted it again some time back, a couple of months ago. But then, I walked away fine.

But that is when the problem begins.

Since a few months ago, my right ankle hurts.

Problem is, it only hurts when i'm NOT putting pressure on it. The moment I'm walking, the pain goes away and I forgot all about it.

I go to work in heels. Fine.
I run around in the office in heels. Fine.
I go shopping for endless hours. Fine.

But when I STOP walking and is seated down, that is there the ankle hurts,.

It hurts the exact same way like you're putting pressure on a twisted ankle. But I'm not even standing!

On the outside, it looked fine. It wasnt swollen or anything. But its a very nagging paid, and I cant really pin point exactly where. It sometimes feels like the skin has been scrapped off, but there's no wound. The ankle bone (?) hurts but I wasnt putting any pressure.

No amount of twisting help ease the pain.

This is the same set of feet that hurts whenever I walked around in sandals for too long but I'm able to prance around the office in 4-inch heels.

Die.

Help, anyone?

P/S: Btw, I think I'm having problem with the chatbox. Its stuck and it wont load new messages. !@#$%

Shopping List vs. To-do List

2007-12-25T01:22:00.000+08:00

Lets make a shopping list, shall we?

1) A jacket – Not needed as I just brought a new one and I can still use the old ones
2) Jeans – Not needed as I still have three pairs of wearable jeans
3) Camera – Not needed as I could still use my old one
4) Shoes – Not needed as I just bought a new pair (I'm slightly regretting its design & colour)
5) Bags – Not needed as Peggy said she had just what I wanted
6) Cosmetics – Not needed as I still have many
7) Toiletries – Need but I don’t have the money yet
8) Laptop – Need but I don’t have the money yet
9) Books – Not needed as I haven’t finished what I bought
10) Scarfs – Not needed as I have many that I don’t even use anyway

So what is there left to shop for anyway???

What I REALLY NEED to do is

1) Change my obsolete handphone's battery
2) Buy new Canon rechargeable AA batteries & charger
3) Write a cheque to Des's father
4) Clean my wardrobe
5) NOT go for window shopping (cause its pointless to see without being able to afford anything at all!)

Oh well, Merry Christmas everyone...

Lost and Found

2007-12-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

23rd December 2008 started off horribly...

I woke up at noon today, and laze around in bed. I lie in my bed thinking about many things while absentmindedly playing with my ring.

Somehow of rather, it got stuck in my middle finger and after numerous tries, I got up and went to the bathroom to get it out with some soap.

And then, I went BACK to bed and laze around around, STILL playing with my ring. Suprise, suprise, it got stuck again.

I sighed and got up again. The ring came off with the soap and I was washing the soap away from the ring, and the next thing I knew...

IT VANISHED!!!

No OOOPPS, no tingling of sound, no losing grip of the ring. It just DISAPPEARED!

I was too stunned to feel anything, and in daze I drop to my knees and unscrew the cup-like thing underneath the sink. I took it out, saw the brown sludge (thank god there's no smell!) but no ring.

I calmly screwed back the cup and got out of the room. Went downstairs and asked my dad, "If I drop my ring at the bathroom and its no longer at the sink, it should be behind the house right?" So we went out the house and looked at the drain.

No ring.

I took a deep breath and said, its okay.

Went back to my room, sms Des and he called soon after. The moment I answered the phone, I started bawling my eyes out.

Throughout the day, I was on the brink of tears. Though I was totally calm whenever I NOT think about it, the moment I remembered and the word "ring" is dicussed, I see myself holding back sobs. I was practically sobbing through my lunch in front of the TV.

We're having a Xmas party in the evening and a whole lot of relatives has been invited. To cut a long story short, a relative arrived early and help looked for the ring.

Obviously, the ring has since been found (thank god!) but the sobs has yet to fully subsided.

Needless to say, I was very glad for the ring to be found yet very puzzled at why I feel such emotions.

When my dad found out that it was just a normal ring and not an engagement ring that my mum has told him (I still have no idea why she said so), naturally it breaks me down to sobs again. I'm not sure why, but I think its the very fact that it is NOT an engagement ring that saddens me the most. Not only I do not have an engagement ring, I've lost the ONLY ring that I have.

Well, not the only ONLY ring, but rather, the only ONE ring that I have out of the relationship right now. Okay, there were a few more previously, but that's another story. I loved this ring more than the others because this one looks better than the plain old silver ones that faded with time. For those of you who've seen it, its a chunky stainless steel ring. Yes, the same material that is used to make poster stand and many more other things.

Though the fact that it may be only steel, I've never once bothered by the fact that its not made of precious materials. If it has mattered, things would have been different.

This ring is special. It is a set. His looks exactly the same. And it is chunky enough for his finger. Do you know, that my ring (despite its chunky design) fits perfectly into his ring? Meaning mine is small enough to fit into the diameter of HIS ring. And the best part is that it WASNT even the ORIGINAL SET that we first got! The first similar set we got fell apart, both mine and his ring fell apart, so we have to exchanged for a different set.

The point is, there is no secret that I wanted to be married. Though I will not divulge what our plans are (yes we do have plans), the ring marks the promise that we've given to each other so far. He has lost his ring a long time before and we've since purchased a few more sets, but this one is different.

Yes, we could always have bought another one, but at that particular time, I feel absolutely lost. Losing the ring, makes me feel not only am I not married, I am losing the one thing that I have at being PROMISED of getting married.

Sorry, I'm not the type who ask for expensive ring, nor we could afford one. But I believe he loves me no less than your partner who loves you just the same.

But then again, you may say I'm stupid cause I only refer a ring as a promise of marriage and not the relationship itself. Well, its a representation and you can think what you want (cause you dont know the story and its complicated and blah blah blah...)

Anyway, I've got my ring back. But my emotions are still unstable. And I believe it will continue to remain so until next year.

Because the thought of not having my ring back again, opens up a whole lot of bottled up emotions.

I'm (not) Married!

2007-12-22T21:42:00.000+08:00

It has been some time since I wrote.

Well, because things has been going crazy. The Great Big Plan (GBP) and all.

I've been in and out of office this month and I've even managed to squeeze in a short first trip to Kuching! I've been MIA the most this month and its been a few too many times of setting up "Out of Office" emails.

Life is absolutely tiring right now. I drove Des up the wall and I nearly jumped and commit suicide from the GBP. The self induce stress was too much to take and I swear I almost lost it. There's still a couple of things to sort out before I can officially announce what it is. Great, MORE stress.

However, sadly, for the umpteenth time, I am not married.

Imagine my pain when someone played a cruel joke on my friend (at my expense of course) and she called me up to congratulate me while practicalling yelling on the phone asking how come I didnt announce the "good news" to them.

Anyway, with that out, I'm back home for Christmas break. It wasnt a long deserving break, since I've have had two 4-day break for the past two weeks. Do your calculation. On average, I'm only in the office for half a month. Not something to complain about, but frankly speaking, I am tired from the numerous trips.

Christmas is around the corner, and I've never been this broke. Well, there is this one time back in Uni when I only have 20 dollars for more than a week before flying home. Though I'm broke, I've no idea how I could have arranged myself TWO shopping trips over the weekend. Damn.

All I can say is that December has been and will continue to be one heck of a long and busy month...

15/12/2007

2007-12-15T12:15:00.000+08:00

I’m back, as promised one month ago.

The good news is that I don’t need to commit suicide.

The bad news is that I now have a whole lot of new problems and issues to settle.

NOT COMPLAINING!! :-)

17/11/2007

2007-11-17T21:44:00.001+08:00

Feeling very blah at the moment.

Wanted to write about Ms Lo, wanted to talk about my love-hate relationship with books, wanted to vent my frustration about work, wanted to create a metaphor about life, but something held me back.

The Great Big Plan seems to make all these issues pale in comparison with it.

No doubt, as the date draws near, I'm FOREVER reminded about it. Its time to get things started. There's a long list of things to do to make it happen. And its finally time to start striking off items from the to-do-list.

Think I'll stop writing until it happened. No doubt, writing about it is a sure fire way of jinx-ing it. Hence, I've decided to stop talking about it (already there are people asking me about it!) and hopefully my abstinence from blogging will show GOD that I'm 101% committed to it and hopefully he'll grant me the wish.

While I'm on strike, keep reading my Quickies and Twitter, cause that's probably where I'll be updating from now.

Will be back in a month.

P/S: If it doesnt happen, there will be no more updates and this place will die its natural death. Why? Cause I mentioned earlier on that I'll be dead from committing suicide with the eggshells of non-existant chickens, remember???

17/11/2007

2007-11-17T21:44:00.000+08:00

I'm exhausted.

I've just finished a marathon of books (Michael J Fox, Angelina Jolie, Trudy Baker and Charlie Daniels) in less than a week.

The curse of the books. I remembered why I stopped reading now.

13/11/2007

2007-11-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

Okay, I've finally succumbed into pressure and put up a chat box at the side.

Damn malu-fying if the chat box is empty! So, we'll see how long I'll put up with the embarassment.

Go, please say something there so that it wont look so bloody pathetic.

Most probably I'll end up using it as a quick way for updates when I dont have time to type long entries or too malas to scroll around my phone to update Twitter instead. Trust me, its more dangerous for me to SMS than to drive while talking on my phone.

So, we'll see how this chat box this last...

The Gardens, Mid Valley City

2007-11-04T00:25:00.002+08:00

Who would have thought a day would come when I am lost in Midvalley???

Well, in this case, its The Gardens, Mid Valley City.

It all started when Ultimate calls me up to ask whether I'm coming to my last touch-up appointment for my eyebrow today afternoon. I've earlier booked an appointment with them at 1pm, but when I woke up at 1230pm, I decided that I'm too lazy to go. But they persisted, and called up me again around 150pm to ask whether I'm showing up. I sighed, and said that I'll be there at 4pm.

So, I dragged my sorry ass out from the couch to shower, dressed and drove off to Midvalley. Now, everyone knows that if you were to drive to Midvalley on a Sunday afternoon, you'll have to be prepared to spend at least half an hour in Midvalley LOOKING for a carpark spot. So, usually I'd go very early in the morning, say before 11am to secure a spot or I just dont go.

And so, with a sigh, I drove into its carpark and round and round I drove. I usually park around the same area, but knowing that it would be difficult to find parking space, I decided to venture out from my usual "spot" and turn off to another parking area. As expected, after a half and hour drive, I managed to find a parking spot. I went out of the car and for the first time thinking, "???, where is the entrance???"

I walked for a bit and found a escalator. "This place is new, I thought" and was soon greeted by an unfamiliar sight of the shopping mall. Soon enough I realized it was the new wing of the very much anticipated shopping mall next to MidValley. I really was taken aback because then I realized, "I havent been to MidValley this long meh?" I was quite lost for a few moments, not knowing whether which direction to go. One look up the posh building and its warm lightings gave me the impression that it was a high-end shopping mall and its too posh for me, and decided to find my way back to MidValley.

So, yeap, that was my brush with The Gardens. Sorry, I'm just cheap and do not see the point of buying a RM200 t-shirt to wear to mamak even though the material is so good to last me years and years to come. I cannot afford it :( Nevermind, once the Great Big Plan is in place, I'll be able to afford all these luxuries, I hope!

I mean, Wander if that place would turn out to be a similar version of Sg Wang & Lot 10? One cheap, the other expensive (yea, I know Lot 10 now drop standard already, but remember its status when it first opened?).

Yes, Coach bags are nice, but you certainly don't go there every month to pick up a bag do you? And if I'm rich and famous and SPECIAL, do I want to be there knowing that the ordinary and normal "civilians" are there SHARING the same carpark with me? Oh wait, they would probably be using Valet service.

Just talking crap, I know :P

A glass of Kahlua?

2007-11-04T00:25:00.001+08:00

"I’ve forgotten how much I enjoyed a glass of Kahlua...”

Few years ago, way back in Uni, when I fresh into my new semester in another place. New place, new weather, new found freedom, new friends, new everything. Culture shock? Right on the dot.

And I reached for the one thing that is all too familiar. Ironically, he is the one who introduced me to it.

Years before Uni, I drank myself drunk for the first time and ended up vomiting all over myself in his best friend’s house. Not a pretty sight, I tell you. And since then, whenever I visited the best friend’s house, the joke is to “roll up the carpet cause she’s here!”

As humiliating as it is, I swear to myself since that I will get myself that drunk ever again (of course, an easy way to ensure that is to make sure he is never to be far away from me for a long time, but that’s another story).

And so, I flew to my Uni armed with recipies of my favourite mixes.

Its so easy and affordable. JD was cheap, I had my partime job and Coke were on promotion every other week.

First it was the small bottles, then I upgraded into medium ones because it was kinda tiring to go back and forth to the shops regularly. Soon, my room was nicely decorated with empty bottles along the window. A very nice deco, I remember thinking. Bear in mind, I hardly ever go out to party that time. I miss his very much. I’ve forgotten how to go out and meet friends. But then again, those of you who know me, its not like I went out a lot before that anyway.

So, I was kinda happy doing my own thing and having a drink during late night studies with my cheap radiator on to combat the winter. It wasn’t exactly your normal “a cuppa hot milk” right before sleep. The only time when I enjoyed milk would be with Kahlua. During that time, I’ve probably had more milk that I ever had during my Uni days. Obviously, it wasn’t for the kalsium factor. And it doesn’t help either with the fact that Coke was practically on “sale” every week, the perfect mix item.

As mentioned before, I’m pretty much very loyal when it comes to branding. The type of drinks I had varied between a few types only, probably because I’m not too adventurous and I know what I like.

Very soon, I find myself fixing a drink more often than I would like to. I’ll have one when I’m back from Uni. I’ll have one during dinner. I’ll another one while watching tv. And I’ll have a few more later in the night.

And then, one night I had too many a drink. Its stupid, now that I think of it. There was no one around (I had a housemate) and I was just enjoying my drinks as usual while onlining (studying? You’ve got to be kidding me). One drink after another, I find myself pouring lesser of the mix and more of the good stuff. I knew I had too much, but it seems such a waste to pour it away. Hey, hard earned money ok? (Yea yea, I was also pretty much living off my parents that time too, but I still had a partime job).

And so, back to that night, I soon find myself lying down on my mattress breathing in and out slowly. Why? Because I had too much a drink and was on a verge to throw up. Obviously, the last thing I want to do is to throw up in the apartment. And so, I fell asleep, remembering that the last thoughts I had was something about asking God to “please just help me to keep this down, I don’t wanna throw up…”.

I woke up next morning to my alarm at 10am, for my first class at 11am. When I woke up, I felt the room spinning. I didn’t have a headache, nor did I feel the urge to vomit anymore. I just feel really pening-y and that’s the first time I truly understand what it felt like when they says “that the room is spinning”. I tried to stand up and could barely made it out of my room before I collapse on the floor again, trying to keep still. “Dumb, I got drunk while on my own...”. Ten minutes later, the room is still spinning, and I decided to skip class for the day.

Late afternoon, I felt much better. And that is when Des told me JD’s hangover is like that. No headache, but a horrible spin.

And that is when I swear that I’ll never drink again when he is not around. First, its because I don’t trust myself drinking WITHOUT him watching my back, and second, I didn’t trust myself just DRINKING (alone) without him watching my back.

I’ve never thought of myself as an alcoholic. In fact, I hardly went clubbing, and would very much preferred to get together in a friend’s place over bbq and drinks. And I had made myself promised not to get myself drunk while on my OWN anymore.

Many years fast forward, I find myself looking through a selection of alchohol on my trip back from Chiang Mai. My eyes rested on a large bottle of Kahlua, and messed up from work and family, I picked up the bottle.

Now, in my cold room with the heater on with a glass of Kahlua on the rocks, the settings are all too familiar.

My eyes settled on the bottle of Kahlua that is now three quarter empty…

Wishlist

2007-11-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

Sometime back last year, I wrote about my dream wedding dress, the GUESS shoes to go with it, and a ridiculously expensive I-dont-need-this laptop.

Well, its almost a year later, and guess what? I STILL dont own any of the above three items. No suprises eh? I used up all my bonus then to cover my credit card bills and promised myself that I'll clear it every month. And I've honoured that promise until now!

About 2-3 weeks ago, Des and I made a quick trip down town to Petaling Street for dinner. And while walking around the stalls and shops, I chance upon my dream wedding dress!

No, no pictures because the dress was a dissapointment. Well, for one, they had it in PINK laces, and not GOLD like the one I wanted. Now, unlike many other ladies out there, I'm not very good with pink. Dont get me wrong, I do have a couple of pink t-shirts, but I wont go around making sure everything I own is in that colour. So, my utmost respect to those of you who does and I here admit my unlady-likeness for my un-preference for pink.

Anyway, I've decided to just try it out for the heck of it. Just to fullfill my dying wish :P And suprise, suprise, it was a letdown. For a start, the dress is two sizes too large. Its XL, and it doesnt have a proper corset sewn in. The two pathetic foam cup barely provide any support and the dress is too long. The only silver lining of that dress is that it cost about less than RM200.

To tell you the truth, for the minute second, I was thinking of buying-it-and-perhaps-alter-the-size-and-sew-in-a-corset-with-bust-support-and-get-it-dry-clean-and-pull-out-the-pink-lace-that-I-hate-and-sew-back-gold-laces-in-and-wear-four-inch-heels-to-make-up-for-the-dress-length-which-I-had-no-problem-with-cause-I-am-practically-born-in-high-heels-anyway.

Obviously it was too much a hasle.

But I STILL like the dress. Luckily the dress was too large. Otherwise, I really thought that I could have purchased it...

Now, the second item on that list was a gold GUESS pump shoes.

I've found out that the pump shoes' name is Carrie. They have a few colours, and I particularly like the gold ones (to match with the dress mah).

Along the year, I've ventured into Guess shop only a few times, and though I've never given a second glance with its clothes and bags, I always find myself wandering to the shoes section and absent mindedly lifting the pump shoes to remind my of the price to pay. A whopping RM400.

Now, I knew if I bought that pair of shoes, I'll wear it on a daily basis. No, I'm not like you who save expensive items for special occasions, and yes, I prance around the office in my black 4-inch heels everyday. I couldnt bring myself to spend so much for a pair of shoes, let alone a GOLD pair which is too fanciful for daily office wear.

And so, I settled for cheaper ones. A pair of black ones that I'm wearing now cost about RM80 (that's 1/5 of the original price!) from a nearby shopping mall, and I am very proud of it since. It has served me very well, and I must say that it is actually more comfortable compared to some of my lower heeled shoes. And I always feel extra confident when I wear those shoes. I also own another similar pair that is in silvery shade.

"What if you fall?" I get that ALL the time. I also get "Its bad for your back", "I dont know how she walks in those heels", etc. Well, if I fall and twist my ankle or break my leg, that would mean 14 days of MC and 2 months of hospitalization right? Its either feeling damn sexy or getting two months off work. Either way its good right?

Come to think of it, I think my love for super high heels dates way back to when I was a kid playing with Barbie dolls. I've always love how Barbie's feet arch to fit into her tiny stilettoes and I especially loved her black-heeled-pointy-pumps. Hahaha and that black-heeled-pointy-pumps is what I wore to work everyday!

So, no, I dont own the expensive gold GUESS pump, but I do own many pairs of cheap, high heeled (3 inch, no less!) and pretty pointy pumps!

The last item on the list was a VIAO laptop. Nope. I STILL havent replaced my laptop. In fact, I did a post mortem on it and asked my cousin to removed out the hardrive for me. So, instead of a laptop, I now own a external hardrive. Still looking for a laptop, but not very actively. Found a few similarly sized ones and much cheaper too, but havent found one that would enticed me to sign it off with a credit card.

But one thing for sure, if I AM getting one, you can be sure it would be sleek, small and light in weight!

So there, so much for an update on my Wishlist. What will I do with this year's bonus then? Well, again, looks like the Wishlist has to be shelved for another year, because bonus has been put aside to make the Great Big Plan come true (no, I'm not getting married, how many times must I say that to myself? sigh...).

Yes, that is how much hope I am putting into the Great Big Plan. If my chickens does not hatch, I'll slash my wrist with the eggshell and bleed to death. Deal?

31/10/2007

2007-10-31T20:47:00.000+08:00

And today marks the end of our three year bond in this place. I couldn’t possibly not write about this significant day…

Three years ago I was feeling suffocated from the repetitive job that I have in a call centre. I was actively seeking a job when I heard about this place. I applied for the job, and having further details and prospect of this place, I persuaded Des to apply as well, knowing very well that if he gets the job and I don’t, I would be crushed.

My worst fear nearly came through. Des got the call for an interview, while I waited and basically gave his a very difficult time for three weeks. My insecurity fall through and I was a wreak for three weeks.

Of course, three weeks later, I got the call. Armed with details of the assessment centre, we went through the interviews and various stages of selection. I still remember how funny I felt when we both were up there spending a night just before the interview the next day. That was my last memory of being a customer in this place.

The interview went well, though I remember how bad my knee shake during the interview. It was fun but stressful. Well, more stressful for me because I knew I had to work harder to earn a spot compared to him. This experience is very personal to me when it turns out, a year later, I would be on the other side of the experience, when I was ropped in to assist in running the assessment.

Think about a week later or so, I don’t remember how many days later, we both got the calls of job offer. I do remember, however, remember the exact location in which we were in. We were in Connaught pasarmalam, sitting at a stall near a bank, having dinner. It was still bright, so it must be six something by then. Des phone rang first. It was his mum. Through his conversation I heard, his mum called to tell him that someone from the company called to inform of job offer. While listening tentatively to his conversation, my phone rang…

Yup, it was them calling me about the job offer! After having all the details down, I casually ask her, “By the way, did you just call another candidate named Desmond to inform him about the job as well?”. She answered yes and I could imagine her surprise when I said, “Hold on, he’s with me right now, you could speak to him”! (By the way, the girl who call us is now my colleague :P).

And so, we made preparation to move up. I told my parents about my decision, and though I knew they didn’t want me to go, I had to. Des was going up and there’s no way I want to be left here. So, does this means I only took this job because Des got it? No, I took this job because I was looking forward to be with him. So, yea, I took this job because of him. And of course, at the back of my head, I knew things would be better at home with me away from it…

And so, we were given the opportunity to undergo training in various department. I remember a colleague of mine, after more than a year later after we first met, mention how she finds it odd that she noticed me and Des on our first day of work, being so close to each other. She told me that at one point of time, when we were sitting around waiting for something, she caught me playing with Des’s hair and wandered why we were so close on our first day or work!

Anyway, along the years I’ve mentioned and shared a few experience of mine, few including my room, the RM38 million ringgit, and most is about my frustration at work. Think I’ve started blogging in Friendsters after half a year working here. And this place has inspired to write my thoughts down, and had given me a place to channel my thoughts down properly. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful of the experience that I had in this place. I agree if you would to say any other company would have such politics and complication. I am fully aware that if not for this place, I would not be the outspoken person that I am today. The opportunities that I had, I could not thank this place enough, and I would not cease to give credit to this place, even after I am long gone from here.

That’s right.

Three years later, I couldn’t believe that I am still writing. Of course, the main inspiration for this place is 512, but I guess it holds a lot of thoughts of me in this place. Match with Julia, it is a perfect combination for me. I never claim to be fantastic writer, nor do I have enough hits for me to have a nuffnang account (pathetic right?), but I found a way for me to keep sane.

Eh, how come I seems to be writing about 512 instead of my three year tribute? Hehehe, sorry, tersasul sikit. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that, I’m a different person after spending three long years here. And its time for me to evaluate whether the change in me is positive or negative, and to evaluate whether I would continue changing to a better or worst person with the influence that this place brings. The Great Big Plan has still yet to be kick start, though the date is drawing near, it gives the excitement and uncertainties that I could hardly contain.

Time will tell…

30/10/2007

2007-10-29T23:19:00.001+08:00

A face has been stuck in my mind for the past few days.

I dont know who they reminds me of. I dont know why I am attracted to them. I dont know why I kept thinking about them.

While I was surfing some similar websites that offer the same business as theirs, it suddenly strike me that life IS difficult afterall.

I was half thinking of going back to them to share the experience with Des, and then I found all these similar places as well. I'm confused as I have to remind myself that they are NOT the only ones out there, and possibly, there are others opportunities that offer way better experience.

Knowing me, I tend to stick to what I know, and I rarely venture out to the others.

I dont know whether I should stick to what I know and should just go ahead with them, or perhaps its the feel that I want to meet them again.

Yes, I think that's it.

I miss their company. Which is crazy because I only spend time with them for a few hours and its strictly business.

Gosh, I'm talking as if I'm visiting soon.

Crap.

I'm just talking crap because I'm back to work tomorrow. In less than 6 hours.

Double Crap.

I love Twitter

2007-10-29T01:25:00.001+08:00

For those of you who noticed, I used an online application called "Twitter" as a way for me to update my blog regularly.

It works as a sms message, where you're suppose to update/answer a question that the application ask "What are you doing right now?"

Of course, if you've noticed, I didnt really used Twitter as a way to demonstrate the narcissism in me by updating exactly what I'm doing now. Rather, I used it more often than not to update my thoughts in my daily life, and I find it a rather convineant way to log my thoughts down regularly regardless of where I am without the need of an online facility.

I guess I utilized Twitter more towards to "What are you thinking right now?" Its easier to type out my emotions on that particular moment rather than waiting for PC access. Potong steam right? And if you're really that bored, you can click "Follow me" and you'll get instant updates via your phone whenever I send an update to Twitter.

There are, of course, many other similar applications, such as Maxis's Shoutout, but I find Twitter lovelier and of course, malas want to change the application in my template.

Found this piece of article online.

Liked the part where they mentioned "Who really cares?"

Well, in my case, nobody. Cause there's a reason why this blog's links has been kept to the minimum. The whole idea is to let you find me, and not announced my place to everyone else. So that if you dont like it, leave and dont complaint. Otherwise, I would have linked all of you and get a nuffnang account.

Perhaps, if I starts using Twitter as a narcistic tool to tell everyone what exactly I'm doing now, it will be interesting. And I'll flood everyone's Facebook's News feed with my ever-so-often updates.

Hahahah

:-/

Self Absorbed

2007-10-29T01:25:00.000+08:00

Self Absorbed

Does things primarily for the benefit of themself, puts their feelings first, can't do anything when they don't feel good, swayed by their emotions, more concerned with themself than others, prefers personal glory over team victories, pleasure seeker, uses their looks to get what they want, gets angry when they don't get what they want, dramatizes their suffering, wealth seeking, superficial, manipulative, narcissistic.

Doesnt everyone?

Those who claim otherwise bores me.

Liar. Naive. Tak pandai jaga sendiri. Tak understand langsung concept tu. Bosannya. Boring le.

Shoo, pergi main jauh-jauh!

:P

29/10/2007

2007-10-29T00:09:00.000+08:00

Browsing through some blogs and most were telling stories about their partner and how happy they are.

Hmm, perhaps to lift my mood abit, I should start telling these stories of mine as well?

Been staying home for the two days that I'm back since Chiang Mai. Vegetating in the couch and brainwashing my brain with countless hours of Astro.

Though it is very unlike me, I was slightly looking forward to go back up. ONLY because I've got my own room now. Not that I have anything against my ex-roomie (love you Jen!), but i guess everyone agrees that the current arrangement is far much better than the previous ones. But of course, the fact that I'll be back to work is not something that I look forward to.

Anyway, there's nothing much to report anyway until he jumps back to day shifts. Life sucks up there and I'm not gonna launch into another long rant about that.

And I'm PMS-ing, hence, losing the urge to write. Especially about lovey-dovey stuff.

Just a very quick review on the books that I've read lately.

Simon Cowell is so-so, gives an insight into the entertainment world, but his thoughts about the Pop Idol contestants is a bore since we dont have it here.

Geri Haliwell book is so-so, the most interesting story in the book is the part where she eats out of her rubbish bin, everything else is a a boring flow about her No1# and tours.

I'm mid way through Angelina Jolie and by the tenth page, I'm considering voluntering activities in Africa. Very touching, very real, makes us really grateful and wandering why are we still stuck in our comfort zone and not getting our ass to these wonderful but dangerous places.

I've also started on Michael J Fox's Lucky Man. Very unlike me to start another book while the other is halfway through, but I brought this with me in Chiang Mai and I started reading on the flight back home. And it was good. Very easy to read, flow of story is fantastic, and looking forward to continue reading.

Sometime back, I've also started reading Goldie Hawn, but not very interesting as I stopped halfway and picked up another book instead. Will give it another try once I'm back up and finished with Angelina and Michael.

Would be on the look out for more books soon!